When I say I slept all day today.... I mean I slept ALL day today. I spent 3+ hours in an emergency room in Hagerstown, MD last night. They ran a bunch of tests on me and talked to me and then gave me some medicine.... about the time I hit PA I started talking to myself and really getting crazy.... I decided to pull over and take a nap..... 8 hours later I woke up when my dad called.... I figured I better get moving again.... I made it home and went to bed again.... its now a little after 9pm and I am just waking up... which sucks because its bedtime already and I need to be up at 5am to leave for VA.

I'm a wreck right now. Decissions where made against me.... no one really cares about how I feel... generally the world is falling apart around me. The things that I beleived and fought for so desperately have fallen apart. I am nothing. There are things that I cant even post in this blog that are bugging me.... things that are inside my family..... things that cant be known yet.... things that are eating me alive..... I really wish I could sleep longer.... when im asleep, people dont bug me. I dont know what route to take anymore.... I dont know what to do.... and worst, how do I avoid hurting people..... Maybe I should go back to counseling..... I dont know.... I just know that I am a wreck.... a big wreck... and there alot of people around me that caused it.... and a lot more people around me that dont even try to understand why.... people who still continue to look for me to support them when I, myself, need some serious support.

In short... Im scared......