Thursday, August 12, 2004

Tonight while driving home... back in PA.... I make a phone call, leave a message.... have a panic attack. The only thing on my mind was back in May. I'm beating myself up for it... maybe I shouldnt be, but I am. I feel like I screwed so much up.... my life, and at least 2 other peop.... no, 3 other people's lives.... well alot more but directly 3 others. I wish I could go back to May and change so much..... this anxiety is killing me. Hopefully when I start this medicine tomorrow things will calm down a bit. I had chest pains for about an hour after that phone call.... and all it was was leaving a message.... didnt even talk to anyone..... I really screwed up in May.... and I hate myself for it. *sigh* I'm gonna go to sleep now..... hopefully I can relax and clear my mind.... gotta read the Bible first tho.... thats something that I started doing again... with the help of someone very special. Please continue to keep me in your prayers!

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