Saturday, August 28, 2004

First... I'm sorry for the people I scared. I stayed with Tanya last night because it was safer for me to be with someone. My family was in and out last night so there wasnt solid coverage. Tanya has cared about me since we met and honestly, she was really the only person there for me... so I stayed with her. I turned my ringer off on my phone because she had to get up at 5:30. I didnt want alerts for servers that are normal to break keeping her up. Unfortunately, a real server crashed and people paniced about where I was. Wasn't expecting that..... sorry.

At the moment, I am doing fine. I got an email back from Dr. Gaul and between the research I have done and the knowledge he has we know what the problem is. It is not that the Lexapro isnt helping my depression. The problem is the Lexapro is hindering the Lithium and therefore creating serious issues with my bipolar. The route it seems we are going to take is Wellbutrin mixed with Lithium. This should work well. Unfortunately I cant see him until the 13th. I emailed back to him that thats the earliest the office could schedule me so we'll see if he has a median solution. Please pray for me... this could be a rough week.

Truth be told right now, Tiff flat out pissed me off. The worst part is, I'm still not over her. This will all turn out ok whether we work things out or not. But I am pretty sure that if we dont work things out this time, its over... well, I'm over her. I cant keep dragging myself through the mud because I love someone. I told Tiff goodbye yesterday... she asked me about the future... like if I ever found the girl of my dreams if I would go back to being friend with her. My answer was "hell no" ... I tried that and I left the girl who was my dreams at the time. Whether Tanya is for me or isnt is irrelevant.... the point is I was pulled away from tanya because of tiff.... Im not going to let that happen again. Tiff has a little bit of time to figure this out and make things right... if she doesnt.... its over... its gotta be.

And I know that even tho sometimes I dont feel that God is with me... He is.... and I'm thankful for that. He will get me through this.

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