Wednesday, October 31, 2012


In 1985 Nintendo released the NES and then in 1988 Sharp released the first commercial LCD TV. It's been more than 20 years and the NES Zapper still can not be made to work with the typical response being to find a CRT TV which are very cheap now and just use that. Our nation entered a state of panic when the year was turning to 2000 and many many programmers rushed to reprogram vital systems and yet the people "in the know" still say to buy a CRT. Personally, I think we are facing a much greater crisis than we did in the year 2000 as more and more CRTs die and end up in the landfill and we get closer and closer to Zapageddon which will render all of our grey and orange plastic pistols worthless and ducks will fly amuck over are heads as our dogs mock us day in and day out. Not even the mayans could have predicted such a horrible catastrophe that awaits us.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dear Republican Party

Dear Republican Party,

I'm so tired of being preached to that voting for Gary Johnson means Obama will be relected. Are republicans so smug as to think my second choice would be Romney? You throw every tactic against us as Ron Paul supporters and try to make us look like fools and now you come crying to us that we are causing you pain? Grow up! I'm voting for Gary Johnson because I believe he is the best option we have right now not because I want to bring pain to you. You are only in pain because of what you brought on yourselves. This is your fault, not mine.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Lonely and connected to everything

We are living in amazing times with amazing technology.  We have social networking, text messaging, communications devices that never leave our side and we know so much about what is going on in the world and with our friends.  We know everything..... everything short of being able to read our friends' minds.  When we reach that point do you think we will genuinely all be happy?

It's been nearly half a year since I got rid of Facebook and while I still feel that I am missing out on things like those new pictures of my little niece and some good discussions I've found that my life is a good bit easier and less stressful.  I do continue to use Google+ and Twitter but for different things but I know that it's really only a matter of time before Google+ becomes the detriment to my life that Facebook was.  I continue to deal with loneliness but the lack of the connections has not made me any more lonely than I ever was which makes me wonder how much social networking really truly offers us.

I grew up in the 80's and 90's and I remember times before we had all of this constant communication.  I remember when we got our first answering machine and when it was exciting to get home to listen to messages that people left us or that daily trip the mailbox to see what was there for me.  I remember when I did have a message or a letter in the mailbox how special that was -- it was certainly something that was treasured.  Now a trip to the mailbox is a chore and usually only ends with someone trying to sell you something or someone wanting money and mail for my and my room mate can stay in the box for days because, well, we just don't care about it.  When someone thinks of something they need to tell someone they just send them a text.... it's easy and doesn't even require a response half the time.  If its a little more in depth we send them an email and then that email goes right to our phones and we instantly read it (likely while distracted with something else).  We don't even have that time where we get home to check our email that is special anymore.  We truly are connected to everyone we want to be wherever we are and when we want to be so how can anyone feel lonely in this world?

One of the biggest stories in social network of this week is the story of Amanda Todd who took her own life after years of bullying.  Amanda's story started out by someone admiring how beautiful she was and asking her to flash him on a web chat.  If someone really admired her I'm sure it made her feel extremely good and she thought she could return the favor so she did.  The thing is that Amanda isn't alone.  We have numerous webcam chat sites that people go to daily and anytime you see an attractive girl you see at least one person in the chat begging to see something and completely attacking the girl.  This sex-driven world we liven seems to offer some kind of fulfillment to a big part of us that is missing and it seems that the void no one can seem to identify is loneliness.  I mean, how could that be the cause of our pain and emptiness since we're so connected?

I don't think there is a guy alive today that has not, in one way or another, struggled with pornography and I wouldn't be shocked if 3/4 of us have "sexted" with someone.  In out logical minds it is kind of weird that we would go to such extents to try to see someone naked when we could just type a keyword into Google and find all the naked girls we want.  What makes it different?  Personally I think there is a huge psychological difference and I think the focus of sexual addiction is a lot more psychological than it is carnal.  Our world is becoming lonelier by the second because even though we are so connected on a knowledge platform we are less and less connected on an emotional platform.  We know so much about people in our lives but yet its too easy to know that information and we don't have to work at it.  Many of us post onto social networking sites because we just don't have anyone to express whats going on in our lives and we hope that maybe someone, somewhere, will read it and understand.  The emotional connections to people that we used to have in the 80s and 90s are no longer important or even understood.  So what does this have to do with trying to get someone to let you see them naked vs just looking at porn on the internet?  I really believe that it is an attempt to feel an emotional connection with someone.  The fact that that person is actually showing you and not just performing makes the experience so much more "real" to you and, while it may satisfy you a little bit more than just any porn on the net, it doesn't last which means you go back for more and more and, unfortunately, people get hurt.  This isn't a guy vs girl issue but an issue that is affecting everyone equally.  While it is certainly true that the mistakes girls end up making tend to be far more detrimental to their lives the root issue is affecting the stalker and the stalkee alike.  It is very important to focus on what the actual issue is rather than trying to blame people, however, when someone brings harm to someone else they certainly should be held accountable and prosecuted according to the law.  The problem is that simply prosecuting people and trying to put an end to the bullying doesn't solve the problem in the long run.

In the past month I have been feeling loneliness that I haven't felt in an extremely long time.  I've really been trying to make connections to people but I just can't seem to do it and I'm finding that there just isn't that huge of a desire for those people to make connections with me.  If I go back a few months maybe I was guilty of the same.  One night this week I sent text messages to at least a dozen people that I knew (some being people I haven't talked to in years) and didn't receive one single reply.  It just wasn't important to them.  I can't hold them accountable though because I know that in my life I have been guilty of the same.  There have been many times in my life where I've said that I have no friends and then in response to that I get so many messages saying "I'm your friend" but that never really was the point of my statement.  Even though there are people that call me a friend these people have no real emotional connection to me and I think this is true with most of the "friendships" that exist in this nation right now.  We're slowly forgetting how to make those emotional connections and we're becoming distant from the people that we communicate with every day.  Our focus is turning inward and causing us to look our for ourselves because emotionally those other people don't matter to us and it would be too much of an inconvenience in our own lives to take some time out to have a conversation with someone we say is important to us.  We don't hurt ourselves that moment but we hurt humanity in general and fall deeper into our lonely little worlds.

We have a huge problem facing our nation and our developed world and it's one that isn't going to be fixed by more technology or a new president.  Our problem is inside each and every one of us and it's something that most of us can't even identify or acknowledge.  Loneliness is ultimately what is going to destroy us and turn us all into the self-centered monsters that we see oppressing us now.  If we don't learn how to love others and make those emotional connections then we are doomed as a human race.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Do you see it?

"You see things, you understand. You're a wallflower"

I just got back from seeing The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I still don't understand why such an amazing movie is being shown in such a limited number of theaters. For the first time in a LONG time I'm not numb.... I feel emotions.... it hurts and it's causing the shedding of a lot of tears but it's so much better than being numb.

I don't really know how to explain what I've been feeling the last few weeks... I've been in a dark emotional state where I go between numbness to feeling, well... I just don't know. I guess in a lot of ways this movie maybe helped me realize a few things about me. Picture a high school student sitting in a mental hospital and being asked what is wrong and the response is him asking the doctor if she can see it.... see all the pain.... not the pain in himself but the pain in everyone else. People have such a hard time figuring me out and the go between absolutely thinking I'm the greatest person around to trying to avoid me and I never really understood why but maybe that's the reason. Yes, I am a wallflower.... I sit at the sidelines and I watch what is going on and all I see is all of this pain that people experience... pain that hurts me just as much as it hurts the person that is experiencing it. Words can't explain how you can care so much about someone and how frustrating it is that you can't help and if you really let any of that out then you'd be labeled as, well... something. To go through life seeing so much hope in relationships only to somehow screw it up -- and screw it up by doing something that you have absolutely no idea about.... You had to have done something for that special person or that friend to want to avoid you but what was it?

"Why do I and everyone I love always pick people who treat us like we're nothing"
"We accept the love we think we deserve"

In a way I guess I really didn't want this movie to have a happy ending. I kind of felt cheated. This movie really showed the best glimpse into the way I feel that has ever been in existence but it ends happy and the assumption would be that someone who is 32 years old has already got to that happy part of their life. Can you imagine being 32 years old, having so many people tell you how great you are and how much you mean to them, and yet still never having any girl tell you they love you unprovoked? Can you even begin to imagine what that feels like? I don't have to imagine it because I feel it every day of my life. It's such a horrible feeling added to that just because so many people have told you how great of a person you actually are -- it would almost be easier to have been told you're a horrible person because then at least it would make sense on how no one could love you.

I really wouldn't want to be anyone else and if you were to ask me what the perks of being a wallflower actually are then I would have to tell you that knowing that I have the ability to care for people regardless of whether they care for me or not is a good feeling because I know that at least I am not one of the people contributing to this feeling that I live with in other's lives. I hope that sometime I will look back and finally say that someone finally did tell me they love me (and mean it) and all of a sudden all of this will make sense but for now I'll live my life the best that I can... I'll shed the tears that inevitably will be shed, sometimes daily... and I will try my best to let other people know what they mean to me and how important they are in mine, as well as others', lives.