Saturday, April 30, 2005


I just dont want to deal with anything anymore..... I just want it all to end.... just be done with it all.......

I dont wanna be me anymore.... I dont like my life :(

Friday, April 29, 2005

There is alot to say right now.... but im going to make it the shortest version possible.... I do need to eventually get to bed.

First of all.... during my dinner break I ran into two different people on different occasions and each one offered a very good job lead.... Was I looking for a job? Not in the slightest bit... but if oppritunity is knocking, I'm going to hand it to God and ask Him where He wants me to go. Both of these leads are with VERY large, world-wide companies.... everyone reading this (all 2 of you) has heard of both of these companies and in many cases, has dealt with them. I am not giving the names of these companies for various reasons. Neither of these are offers but they are good leads.... I am considering following them to see where they go. This is hard on me tho... it is very hard.... I am a very commiting person and that goes for jobs as well. Back when I had to quit the Donut Chef to go work for Pizza Hut, it was the hardest thing to do.... you add on to that how much I absolutely enjoy working for Carpathia and this makes this a very very very very hard decission to make.... and that is just whether I want to follow the lead or not.... no decissions being made of whether I am taking it yet or not.... This is hard.... What do I feel? I feel that I would really like to stick with Carpathia and totally ignore these leads.... but, when it boils down to it, I dont know if I should -- or even if I can. In both of these scenarios I am looking at approx a $10k-$20k salary increase. Not only is that something that I need but both of these companies offer amazing benefits. Carpathia has benefits but thats about it. I know I'm protected.... and they cover 100% of my premiums.... the problem is that I am spending more in co-pays than my previous insurance plans had in premiums.... I am not well covered... and I dont have vision or dental..... The money I make now.... yes, its a ton of money for those of you up in PA but Im starting to face the cold hard truth that it is very low income for this area..... I'm doing ok.... but im concerned.... I'm starting to migrate everything to me now and taking full responsibility for stuff... main thing being car insurance.... it's just getting rough... I can make it.... but, if oppritunity is knocking, I almost logically have to follow it. Perfect scenario would be a raise or something at Carpathia but according to company policy that can't happen until January.... This is a very hard decission that I really need to put some prayer into. I think that in the next day or two I'm going to update my resume and get ready to do something that I wasn't planning on doing for a while.... but I have to be ready if God says go....

I'm also realizing something else.... My move here to VA is starting to feel like my move to FL.... and in saying that, I mean that I feel like God is about to really teach me something drastic. When I moved to FL God really showed me alot about people... alot about the way He works in those people.... and alot about His grace... ALOT about His grace... I not only met people that were against my walk of life but I became friends with these people.... and God showed me in those times what His Love was all about.... The answer to helping people is not condeming them... it is loving them and being there for them. Now I find myself here in VA.... I have been thrown into a small culture shock... out of what I am used to.... God threw me out of my comfort zone to teach me something that I would never learn otherwise. I am finding that I am becoming friends with people that I never dreams I would associate with.... people that 6 months ago I would be affraid to even talk to.... but God is using the trust that I have always had to just grow something amazing. I see so much oppritunity in the people I associate with down here.....

God really is amazing.... My walk with Him is so... just not where it should be.... I struggle so hard with sin.... I struggle even more with picking up my Bible.... I want to get there again.... but I'm struggling so much..... but yet in all of that.... in my struggles.... in my defiance.... God is using me.... people have already told me that I have made an impact on their lives.... and I can see that He is setting something up that is even bigger.....

You know what part of a conversation was tonight? How I'm going to look at buying a house next year..... Am I serious? Well.... yea, I think so.... there is so much that I am learning... I learned so much about this area tonight that it's not even funny... Could I have a house in a year? Yes... I really do think that it's possible.... Maybe in that year Tiff will be down here with me too.... I dont know exactly what is coming... but I know that in 2 years I am going to look back and go "how did I get here?" ... God is doing so much.... and all the struggles that Tiff and I are having now.... it's making us stronger.... it's getting us ready for when we are both Virginians and we are both on fire for God..... I learned tonight in talking to my friend that the crap that you go through really defines who you are... and that includes the stuff that you bring on yourself. In the book of Job, he lost everything.... but in the end, God gave Him back more than he had.... and I think the common misconception is that God only gives back in scenarios where you are not at fault..... I dont believe that is true... because if God is one thing, He is graceful.... and I believe that when you lose absolutely everything, you will get more back than you had.... and if you lost everything because of your own stupidity, God's grace will cover that.....

I really need to get some sleep now..... this really just has been an amazing night/morning.... Please keep me in your prayers... especially with the job thing.... this is going to be a harder decission to make than it was to move down here.... I love Carpathia that much..... and I want to find an excuse to stay with them.... but at the same time, I have to be logical.....

To God be the Glory!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Everytime i go anywhere i always see at least one couple that hugs each other and gives each other a kiss.... they are glad to be together and not ashamed to show the world..... its so hard on me....... just so hard....
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Why are the things that mean the most to you the things that cause you the most pain?

I really cant deal with another thing tonight.... ive had too much.... and its more and more evident that when I talk to people they dont really listen to my concerns for my sake but only so that they can find a clever way to throw my concerns back into my face.

I just feel like I had the typical psychologist response of "everyone is beautiful in their own way" or "thats not what makes a person beautiful" .... translated... your ugly as sin but I need to say something to make you feel better so I have to come up with a clever play on words.......

Im not well.... but i'll survive.... ive been through enough crap in my life.... I'm sure I can make it again.....
Why are the things that mean the most to you the things that cause you the most pain?

I really cant deal with another thing tonight.... ive had too much.... and its more and more evident that when I talk to people they dont really listen to my concerns for my sake but only so that they can find a clever way to throw my concerns back into my face.

I just feel like I had the typical psychologist response of "everyone is beautiful in their own way" or "thats not what makes a person beautiful" .... translated... your ugly as sin but I need to say something to make you feel better so I have to come up with a clever play on words.......

Im not well.... but i'll survive.... ive been through enough crap in my life.... I'm sure I can make it again.....

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

People have joked and said about how I have really been through more stuff in my life than many people at age 60 have been through..... Reality of that set in when I stopped by my mailbox just a few hours ago. Included in my stack of mail was a letter from AARP indicating that I was now eligible for a membership and instructed me to fill out the included application form....

Friday, April 22, 2005

And we're live :)
My mom is right.... Even tho it seems I have the worst luck in the world, you just have to sit back and laugh about it. I mean really... the things that have happened in the past few months especially you just have to laugh at.... yea, it frustrates me to heck and back but if you sit back and look at it, it's funny.... I have to take all of this stuff with a grain of salt and not get so worked up over it. I'm working on that.....

Thursday, April 21, 2005


I'm really seriously going to start bombing places..... Why cant anything go smooth for me.... anything I do has to turn into drama..... Apparently I owe a company $57 and its now past due for 90 days.... the fun part about it is they never thought to tell me that I owe them the money........

I need a vacation!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I'm really frustrated now about a couple things. I finally got to talk to Tiff about this big thing she had to talk to me about that we had to like schedule a time to make sure we talked on the phone about it.... anyway, her counselor suggested us going to couples counseling.... I'd love to and I think its a great idea but neither one of us can afford it.... he apparently is from where she is going to be this summer in Indiana and can get us like a half price thing which is ALOT of money saved but then I would have to get out there to do it.... and that would probably cost me more than I saved... I really want to go visit her out there but the more I think about it and stuff I just dont know how I am going to make it happen..... just time is not on my side..... and we cant get counseling here or up there in lock haven because neither one of us can afford full price for counseling and she has no insurance and mine sucks.... so we're screwed and thats frustrating me to all heck. Another thing that is frustrating me is my phone. I cut my mins down on my Verizon phone because Carpathia gave me 1000 mins on my company phone to use.... so I figured I'd split my phone usage between the two... well, I havent had my sidekick for almost a month now..... and T Mobile is screwing around with getting me a replacement... it sucks pretty bad.... then to top it off with all of the calls Ive been making with all of the disasters happening ... anyway, when I checked about an hour ago I was 55 mins over my plan already.... and Tiff *HAD* to talk to me on the phone about this counseling thing..... I dont understand why it couldnt be typed but whatever.... A few months ago I had an extra phone that I was going to activate on my Verizon account for her because it essentially wouldnt cost me anything and would only save me money because all of our calls between each other would be free.... but of course she refused it.... for some reason its more important to keep a shared plan with Jim.... go figure..... just frustrating.... I dont get it...... But thats ok... because my life is designed to be misserable and difficult and everyone in my life has the strict goal of making it that way.... It's like I'm in a Truman show type thing only the entertainment of this show is just to find out how many ways people can make me frustrated......

Just ARGH!
I'm nothing but a heartache... yea nothing but a heartache

It's like 90 outside... insane.... but nice.... I got my fish tank set up last night. I decided that I was going to use tap water instead of bottled water like I had been doing... 55 gallons is alot to carry into my house not to mention buy. It took a long while to fill because I only had a gallon jug so, yea, 55 trips from the sink to the living room.... The temperature actually stabilized last night.... I conditioned it and put salt in it and I also used a good amount of water from my other tanks to jump start the ecosystem.... this morning I decided to put my pleco in it and my loach so they can help start the system as well.... I think that I'm going to move the rest of my fish over tonight and then in a week or two I'll stock it with the new fish I want to get. I also want to get that 10 gallon ready to go up to PA with me on Sunday... I think my Aunt is going to have me set it up for her and we'll get them fish and stuff... it'll be fun :)

Im really in a pretty good mood today but there are some things bugging me.... Tiff told me she has an idea that she wants to talk to me about later in the week... and combining that with her blog, im a little concerned. I just feel so many times that I am a nuisance in her life. She is the perfect woman for me.... but am I really the perfect man for her? I just dont feel like I am... I feel like I am more trouble than I am worth.... but thats enough of that.... thats how I feel but I'm not going to let it ruin my good mood.

Currently I am driving Kari's Honda. Dad is working on getting my Saturn transfered to him so I can legally drive it... should be about a week or so.... I'm also meeting some more people around here.... so thats good. And I should be able to make it to church this Sunday... I'm pretty excited about that... New Life is really neat!

Well, I have to be at work in an hour and I have to make a few stops first so I better get going. Thanks for all of your prayers and your support!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I dont know why but I am very seriously depressed today.... I just feel like bursting into tears.... I dont understand it but I completely just dont want to be awake right now.... Its been a long time since Ive felt this much depression (straight depression) at one time... its been a real long time.

I'm a little worried... I dont know what to do... Certainly I cant start having depression problems again, can I? I just can't deal with that.....

The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew.
We'd spend this life side by side.
I still feel the same though you're so far away.
I swear that you'll always be my.

Forever love.
I promise you.
Someday we'll be together.
Forever love.
I won't give up.
No matter what.
I'll be waiting for you.
Forever love.

Minutes and hours and years may go by.
But my heart knows nothing of time.
So don't cry, just keep me right there.
In your dreams.
And hold on to these words of mine.

Forever love.
I promise you.
Someday we'll be together.
Forever love.
I won't give up.
No matter what.
I'll be waiting for you.
Forever love.

Love is the road to our destiny.
Nothing can change what is meant to be.

Forever love.
I promise you.
Someday we'll be together.
Forever love.
I won't give up.
No matter what.
I'll be waiting for you.
Forever love.

Monday, April 18, 2005

i guess my cell phone has a limit on how long a text field can be...i gotta get vagablog back on here.

anyway in continuation i am really concerned about tiff. she is so stressed its not funny. im really worried. school is really getting to her and while we were talking about that she mentioned something about us. i guess im concerned about that. things are really great between us but im just wondering what is really stressing her out. i know school is but am i as well? i hope that i only help her
im somewhere east of bloomsburg right now at a rest stop. im on my way to get my newctank but i really wish i was with tiff. yesterday was awesome. i was really worked up about going to dinner with her parents but it turned out to be a nice time. we rented a movie... it had richard gere in it so we though it would be good but it was about the worst movie we ever saw.... but still a nice time. we just had an awesome evening together.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

I'm shocked that things went as well as they did.... I can tell her mom doesnt really like me that much but her dad is a really cool guy... we were talking about VA and stuff.... so I wasnt at all ready for this but I guess it did some good.

Now I pray for a very relaxing evening... I need it badly.
tiffs concert was really good.... now is the part im worried about. i miss when i dated kendra and her family adored me. this situation just is not fair at all.... and its tearing me up. my chest shouldnt be hurting about something like this..... im shaking so bad i can hardly type. im scared
im not supposed to be stressed today but i am. my head is pounding and im scared to death. sometimes you arent ready for stuff but you have to just shut your mouth and just deal with it..... doesnt stop you from being scared to death tho.

Friday, April 15, 2005

I have to say I am feeling alot better. The car situation is working it's self out and it looks like I will have transportation starting tomorrow until my Saturn is ready to go. The way we have to do this is transfer the title to my dad and put the car on his insurance... reason being is that there is no special process in PA to issue a reconstructed title... only typical state inspection. In VA, I would have to wait up to 8 weeks to have an official DMV Inspector certify the car. The slow part in PA is the mailing of the actual title. In VA, your title is printed at the DMV and given to you the same day. In PA, you are given a temporary piece of paper and Harrisburg mails you the title whenever they get around to it I guess. So, we issue a reconstructed title and transfer it to my dad and I "drive his car" until he gets the physical title. At that point he then transfers the title to me and its my car on my own insurance. It may take 6 weeks or so until the car is "mine" but it will be legally driveable in this scenario in about a week.

I also have to say that I really believe the people I work with are great people. My boss is an incredible person.... in the last little bit there have been some head butting sessions but its all a process of growing pains with this company not to mention a slight culture difference. Pittsburgh and Washington DC are completly different cultures so sometimes the way I behave is not taken the same way down here as it was up there..... but despite all of these frustration, Mat really takes care of me.

I just wanted to update everyone and let them know I'm feeling better... I'm still stuck at the data center all night tonight, sleeping on the floor in the office, and im here until tomorrow evening then until my dad gets down here from PA. Yea, thats another thing I have to say... I have great parents.... they have really helped me so much in driving here and doing this and stuff.... I really can't complain.... oh... and the Z24... looks like I might have plans for that already as well.... those arent finalized yet and certainly not the biggest concern but it looks like I may be able to get that car back to a reliable runner for a price that I may be able to afford... I probably won't keep it for financial reasons but I certainly have plans for it.... hopefully that works out too.

Thanks everyone for your prayers!
I'm gonna make it right? I've calmed down a little bit... it really helped hearing Tiff's voice and her telling me it's gonna be ok.... I'm scared but I'm trying to maintain myself.

Apparently I made a big mistake at work again.... I thought I was helping but it seems that I made a mistake.

Please keep me in your prayers.... I know these last few posts probably have you very confused.... there are just a lot of issues right now.... the car I bought is perfect and still was an phenomenal deal... Saturns are good cars.... there are just some very serious red tape and paper work issues that the DMV didnt tell me about when I pre-certified bringing this car down to VA.

I'm trying very hard.... I basically passed out on my living room floor a little while ago but after that I kind of relaxed a little bit. I'm still worked up and have quite a bit of stress but in relation, I'm feeling better.

I'll make it... somehow I'll make it. God is with me... I dont understand why He has let so much go wrong for me in the last week but I'm sure it will all iron out.

Thank You, God... and Thank You, Tiff.... you are both the loves of my life!
I'm a failure.... thats all I am... and so many things are painting such a clear picture of that.... I'll never be a good person... no one will ever see any good in me... I guess I just have no good to be found.
Quite frankly.... I'm a wreck... I have been crying my eyes out for the past hour.... I need some serious prayer.... things are not going smooth at all :(
Tonight I learned more than I ever possibly dreamed that I could.

First... Beaster died on Tuesday... Wednesday I bought a 87 Cavalier and started driving it to my apartment and a hose blew and blew the head gasket.... I was screwed.... ended up back in PA after work and planned on bringing my sister's car down to use for a little while.... Woke up in the morning and someone offered to buy me a car.... Yes, God works amazing things sometimes.... as did He tonight too. So tonight I bought a '93 Saturn SL1. It is an amazing car. I drove it down here tonight and it ran so well.

So... the 87 Cavalier... Very nice Z24 model.... incredible shape.... had it in a garage around the corner to get it checked out.... they did a pressure check and found that the head gasket is blown.... so there is no one on the roads now at 1:30am, right? So yea, I decide to go pick it up now... since it's not holding water I need to get it to my apartment and parked ASAP. But in all this I find out that the guy that worked on my car is part honest and part crook.... got a second opinion so we're gonna find out more tomorrow. I get in the car and go..... find out the hard way that the road I live on is a 25mph speed limit.... never really payed attention.... sure enough... sirens and lights.... I'm like, what else can happen... so my goal is to get the car to the back of the lot and get it parked because if I idle that thing its gonna die on me..... the cop hits his siren as I'm driving back so I turn on my 4-ways to acknowledge that he is there..... I pull into the lot and the officer comes around and tells me he clocked me at 40 in a 25.... I explained to him the situation and that I had just moved here and really wasnt aware that it was 25.... he verified this by looking at my license issue date. He said he would be right back with me. He came back and said he was going to cut me a break and not give me a ticket..... wheewww.... but he made it very plain that almost any other officer would have been "very pissed off" if I would have drove to the back of the lot with them. In Pennsylvania, as long as you acknowledge them, they have no problem letting you get to a certain spot.... apparently this is not true. The officer told me that he understood why but made it very clear that I cant do that again if I ever get pulled over again. I locked up the car and started walking towards my apartment and there was a bunch of people on their balcony. They are like "are you cool?" I'm like yea, he let me go and they all were in total shock.... they asked if they pulled me over because my one headlight was out and I said no it was for speeding. I also told them why I moved to the back of the lot (that the car was about to overheat). Thank God the officer visually saw the steam coming out of the tail pipe... I think that saved my butt... anyway... the people out there were in complete shock.... they said that I should be in jail. They said that Leesburg police will take you to jail if you do not pull over the instant they turn their lights on. In this I found out that the state police are 10 times worse..... So... yea, I should be in jail...... but instead I got away without even a warning. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways..... I have alot of thanking to do :)

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Im so upset right now.... things were actually getting better for me tonight and then they all went down hill really quick.... One thing got straightened out and then I find out that I hurt someone. It's really frustrating when you have a problem and either no one will help you with it or offer advice or the person just simply isnt able to help.... but in that scenario when you are forced to act the best way (even tho uneducate) it gets really upsetting and stressful when those same people get all bent out of shape because of your stupid decission.


Wednesday, April 13, 2005

People.... dont speed..... it sucks later in life :(

Got my 87 Cavalier now.... still have to replae a hose and get registration done.... but its gonna cost me $195 a month to insure it.... and thats just liability.... no colission :(

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

RIP "Beaster" 1992-2005
It just dawned on me.... dr gaul kept trying to get me to have an operation done on my face and when i saw my new doctor she wouldnt take no for answer when she told me i neede to see a dermatologist. even my doctors cant stand looking at me. im just plain disgusting.

and i dont want to hear another thing about counseling. i tried my hardest but i cant do it..... not another word about it unless it comes with the $80-$120 a month it would cost me that i just cant afford.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Guess it kinda makes sense a little more.... I always wanted to have pictures taken with one of my girlfriends.... no one ever would.... and it's a fight with tiff.... im just ugly and no one wants an ongoing remembrance of me... probably why there is only one pic of me in tiff's room and tons of jim... not because jim means more but because he is more attractive than me.... is that good or bad? I dunno.... but really... im ugly and the sooner i just accept the fact that I am and that no girl will ever be attracted to me, the better.
Just trying to get some thoughts out to hoppefully make me feel better....

I feel like I am such an ugly person.... like, looking in a mirror is like a horror for me.... I dont feel like anyone will ever see me as beautiful and... I guess things are coming together that my low self esteem in that area is creating the problems that I continually have that I spoke of a few weeks ago. I can't get free from that.... and really... if I never feel like I am a beautiful person in a 2-way relationship, I guess that explains why I would result to porn which is by nature a 1-way relationship.....

I have dealt with this my entire life. People in school always told me how ugly I was and how worthless I was... and... maybe my parents tried to encourage me but that was it.... but that didnt mean much beacause that is their job....

I am really struggling... really hurting... and really longing for something that I dont think I will ever find... I dont think it's possible to fine. I'm a smart person and I am working on being sucessful.... I really have a good heart.... things that people do tell me and do start to believe.... but im not beautiful in a physical sense... and unfortunately thats something that is by the way the God designed me.... its not something I can control....

I guess I just have to learn to live with it....

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

It's such a beautiful day.... I just wish my mood matched it.

I took a pretty short lunch so I'm gonna take a few mins to vent. Every day when I come into work Scott, our COO, goes "hey bob, how are you today" and I always say doing fine.... Today was my first realization of something.... Im not happy anymore.... Scott said that today.... he said that I always came in with a big smile on my face and so happy for life and the last few days I just havent been there.... and yaknow what... he is right. There are several things bugging me.... some I cant go completely into... some I can. First thing is obviously my car..... I am not ready to buy a new car... especially to finance a car and carry full coverage on it.... but it's looking like that is my only option. I simply can not rely on Beaster anymore.... its sad to say that but I just can't... so many things are going wrong. I wanted to move down here and get settled and then in about 6-8 months get another car but if I keep Beaster that long I'm sure in 6 months I'll have put enough money into that car that I could have bought another one..... it just doesnt make sense to let this car keep nickel and diming me.... but at the same point, I dont have enough money saved up to go the best route of putting a nice down payment down and/or buying a good used car from a private party.... my only real option is to try to find "special financing" as they call it and just bite the bullet. Can I afford it? Yea, I can probably swing it but its gonna hurt. I already typically only eat one meal a day and really dont do much. I bought a few things but since I've been down here I really have not bought that much. It's gonna hurt cutting back as much as I need to but I have no other choice.... hopefully people will come visit me beacuse I wont be getting out much.... nor will I be driving much either with the rising costs of gas.... go figure.... buy a car and you cant afford to drive it....

What else is bugging me? Well.... just when I do get out to eat or something I see so many couples that are there.... so excited to be with each other... you can just tell.... a kiss when someone gets excited.... Where is my life? This isnt what I planned for my life..... I wanted to be pretty close to being married and starting a family by now.... sure things dont go exactly the way you want all the time but there is a huge difference here. I wanted to be close to being married and working hard to be the best husband and father I could be... instead, I have to work very hard just to get a kiss..... it just kills me. And will I adjust? Sure... I am adjusting... some things are just worth it.... but im coming to a point where I'm questioning all of the adjustments I am making.... I am changing so much that I am sitting back and wondering if I am even me anymore. I dont feel like it... I feel like I am someone else.

I am just really having a rough time right now....
20 hours and counting..... plus someone already placed a bid.... reserve isnt met so I could still buy it now.... but, looks like its not gonna happen :(

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I am really not feeling good.... and its probably most because of stress again. My car really seems like it is going to die.... dad kinda thinks it really just needs replaced but I have no options right now. I found a perfect car on ebay for $575 but I simply cant come up with that money right now.... I just moved and I havent completely got situated yet.... it sounds that on my car a wheel bearing is going.... maybe or maybe not.... but if it is..... im just scared to drive it.... it is theoretically possible that it kicks a wheel out.... I cant afford to have a wreck but I dont know what else I can do but to keep driving it.

I dont know whether to say Sunday was good or bad.... Church was incredible.... after that we had some serious issues at the data center so I had to go in.... stay there for a while and then eventually get chewed out by a customer.... then I do the wrong thing in handling that and get told about that.... I just wanted to cry... all this is happening as my car is about to fall apart.... the computer was doing weird things up until this day but on Sunday it just started making horrible noises out of the front end.... it still is. Eventually tho Keith asked if I wanted to go to the driving range.... I did and eventually starting driving balls apart 100 yds.... that incredible for me... last time I went I could hardly hit the ball. But I was still stressed out..... Keith and I were talking and the subject of bowling came up.... so we decided to go bowling then... got there and found that it was bowl all you want for $8 so we ended up staying till they closed at 12:30. After that we went to dinner.

Monday wasnt too bad but was stressful in some ways. I was fighting with the new computer I was setting up... that stressed me.... then ... well, lets just say another fight..... by the time I went to bed, I just cried myself to sleep......

Woke up today.... not feeling good at all... my head is pounding and my stomach hurts a little.... Im hoping it gets better but who knows.... Im just really scared and stressed.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

I got a couple of fun emails.... but for those of you that havent figured it out yet, yesterday's blog was, of course, an april fools joke :)

Things at Carpathia are still going great..... I think I'll be here a while.

Friday, April 01, 2005

I quit carpathia today..... im gonna be working for the pizza hut in leesburg now. i just cant seem to get away.