Friday, June 30, 2006

ok, so I was going to leave to head to PA tonight, however, I just checked the weather and after 8am there is only a 10% chance of rain.... and since im taking my sammy back and leaving it there, my last long trip in it for a while should be without the roof, right? :)

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Wow, I love people.... thought this was humorous enough to post :)

06/29 [20:15] lil_lady_172004: So here's the deal...You get to ask me *1 Question* any one question, no matter how crazy, inappropriate, or just random, and I promise to answer it 100% truthfully..send to your whole list an see wat people have to ask you ..
06/29 [21:59] bblboy54: you sent me a thing saying I could ask you a question
06/29 [21:59] bblboy54: *shrug*
06/29 [21:59] lil_lady_172004: do u know my name
06/29 [21:59] bblboy54: I think I may have met you on hot or not
06/29 [21:59] lil_lady_172004: all ok ask ur question
06/29 [22:00] bblboy54: don't really have a question
06/29 [22:00] bblboy54: lol
06/29 [22:00] lil_lady_172004: well thats wat ur suppose tyo ask me from where i sent u that thing
06/29 [22:00] bblboy54: ummm.... whats your favorite movie
06/29 [22:01] lil_lady_172004: i'm her boyfriend dude
06/29 [22:01] bblboy54: ok
06/29 [22:01] bblboy54: wtf
06/29 [22:01] lil_lady_172004: yeah i'm her boyfriend
06/29 [22:01] bblboy54: ok
06/29 [22:02] bblboy54: you sent me the question
06/29 [22:02] bblboy54: i asked
06/29 [22:02] bblboy54: whatever
06/29 [22:02] lil_lady_172004: i don't have one
06/29 [22:02] lil_lady_172004: dude i'm her boyfriend so leave me alone and her
06/29 [22:02] bblboy54: then quit randomly Im'ing me
Net neutrality amendment dies / Telecommunications bill goes to Senate without provision sought by Web firms

Listen people.... this is serious! If you're not calling your senators and lawmakers then you are 100% to be blamed when Verizon and Comcast are charging you an assload of money or when your favorite internet sites go out of business because they cant afford to pay Verizon and Comcast the money they demand. I apologize for the language but if you dont understand how serious this is then you HAD BETTER be looking into it. If network neutrality is taken away, there is only one group of people that win: Those that work for companies like Verizon, Comcast, AT&T, etc... you know, the ones who already are raping you for fees that you dont even understand.

If you havent called your senator, do it now! This is a really serious issue.... If you dont understand how serious, please email me....

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I cant understand what it is about me that people dont like. Anything that has to do with interaction with people in an intimate way just never seems to go well for me. When I worked at Computer Connections and at Carpathia, customers loved me.... they really appriciated my hard work and effort. But on the work side of things, as time went out, I was hated more and more it seems. Then you go back to the ever-popular relationship issues.... no matter what, I could never make or keep my girlfriend happy.... Granted, the majority of them were girls that were clearly not for me and it wasnt supposed to work out... but with Tiff... what happened? No matter what I tried, I could never make her happy.... Nothing I ever did was the right thing or was it ever good enough. Nothing I ever did was appriciated but only looked at as an interferance. I just dont understand. This is what I'm having a really hard time coping with. I mean, my goals in life are to serve, to be the best husband I can be, as well as the best father I can be.... but I can't make people happy so how am I supposed to carry out my goals? So I'm left with a pointless and worthless life.... I feel meaningless in almost every way. Sure, I'm positive about alot of things.... I have a good job and a place to live... and I am helping at my church which does bring me some joy... but at the end of the day, I feel worthless because I cant be surrounded by happy people... actually, I cant be surrounded by people at all. I was so happy when I left Carpathia because I'd have the ability to actually hang out with friends.... but when I left and had the ability, all of a sudden, my friends dissappeared. I dont understand it. I want to hang out... I try... I try real hard.... but no one is interested. I supposed im just not exciting to be around? I just dont understand it.... and worse yet, I really felt appriciated at my current job but now I'm not so sure.... but honestly, that is probably just because of how I feel... and there is alot going on at work as well.... Actually, I think the fact that I'm working alot is the reason why I cant say that I'm full blown depressed.... but then again, working alot is doing its part towards killing me as well.... but if I dont work, I dont have friends to hang out with... I dont have anything to do. So then I become bored.... so why stop working to take some time off when I dont have anything to do with my time? All I end up doing is making up something to do... and I stress myself out more.

I just wish I could make people happy. I wish I had something to offer.... I wish my life had meaning.

Just checking in to say I'm still alive... tho I'm pretty numb
emotionally. While I'm doing well and not really down, I am just out of
it.... seems not much makes me happy anymore... nothing to ever look
forward to. I dunno.... I just feel really odd.... Its like I just
wait and wait and wait for something exciting to happen, but it never
does. When I do get out and do something, its by myself so even if
there was an opportunity to have some fun and relax there is no one to
share it with -- and for me, if I dont have someone to share the
experience with, then its not worth as much and its sometimes worth alot
less than even that.... The hardest problem to deal with is not being
able to explain in words how I feel. Here I am writing this post....
wanting to say something but not knowing how to say it or really, what
it even is. I dunno... I'm alive and I'm getting some stuff
accomplished, but its just going through the motions I guess.... on the
bright side, I guess I cant say I'm depressed.... *shrug*

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Wired News: Gov't Break a Law? Change It
Adult Resignation
To Whom It May Concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them.
I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in art.
I want to lie under a big Oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summers day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes. But that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
When all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset.
I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
Somewhere in my youth...I matured and I learned too much.

I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children.
I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death.
I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets... begging for their next meal.
I learned of a world where children knew how to kill...and did.

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live because we didn't grasp the concept of death?
When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball?

I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again. I want to return to the days when reading was fun and music was clean. When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit.

I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was.
I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find.
I would spend my afternoon climbing trees and riding my bike.

I didn't worry about time, bills or where I was going to find the money to fix my car.
I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow.

I want to be 6 again.
Last night was awesome! CPLUG (my linux group - see had their monthly game night. It's been a really long time since I had been to a LAN party and it really was a blast. We mostly played UT2K4.... well, thats all I played since thats all I could get running.... but keep in mind I only had about an hour to get a laptop running and it had a VIA Graphics Chip so, yea, that kind of limits your ability to do alot.

So anyway, I got to Mechanicsburg, PA (where it was at) a little after 6. We went to dinner and then we played until about 4am.... and then I made the drive home... got home about 6:30 and hit my bed. Of course, I didnt make church but I kind of figured that was going to happen. Yea, it sucked that I missed it but honestly, it was one of those situations where it was worth it because I hadnt got away in a while to just do something fun.... and last night really was fun.

.... I guess now its back to the grind.... but even with getting only a little sleep, I feel pretty darn good. Its amazing how much taking a little time for yourself can make you feel so much better.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Last night was weird.... I was feeling pretty lonely.... and I just kind of imagined the times Tiff and I actually did appriciate being able to cuddle up.... I imagined her there, and last night I slept like a baby.... I woke up on time without my alarm even going off and just... things were cool.

It really makes me wonder alot.... and one of those big things I wonder about is how much stress and depression is really affecting me and I am so numb that I dont even realize it.

Either way, life goes on and we roll with the punches. What I am experiencing is only part of another learning experience, I'm sure. I'm not going to say that God has something great for me in the future... I'm gonna say that God has something better for me in the future. Great things are already here.... there is just more to come.
Techdirt: Who Else Is The Entertainment Industry Stalking?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Im starting to think the solution for me is to just forget about hope. I can totally get rid of hoping for something and then all of a sudden I have a glimpse of something to hope for.... so then I think maybe something good might just be coming my way..... maybe my hopes are only up slightly, but they are still up.... and of course they are shattered..... If I just quit looking forward to anything at all then maybe I'll be alot better.... but then what do I have to live for? Well, I guess thats a question that I never seem to be able to fully answer. *sigh*
I really wish I was a person that could just be content not helping people. For some reason, I always want to help and I get myself into trouble. All I want to do is help.... and I either get taken advantage of or I get completely rejected. It hurts more than anyone can imagine.... Like I'm not good enough for people... Or I'm not a human being....

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

This is too good not to post here for all to see! :)

06/21 [10:36] [Mellofone] bibleboy-, darn boy, tinyurl that URL :)
06/21 [10:36] [bibleboy-] sorry.... I usually do.... my mind isnt fully working
06/21 [10:36] [Mellofone] hehe
06/21 [10:41] [eric] You can just type !tiny...
06/21 [10:41] [eric] !tiny
06/21 [10:41] [xine] eric:
06/21 [10:41] * VittorioCole np- Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California - Stadium Arcadium - 4:40
06/21 [10:42] [eric] heh
06/21 [10:42] [eric] interesting

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Techdirt: Should You Spy On Your Kids' Every Online Move?

I really like this short article. It seems that parents are really looking more to who they can blame for their kids problems instead of facing the facts that it might be their problem. They try to hide their kids from everything because its easier than actually TEACHING them how to deal with things.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Thank God for drain plugs in Samurais.... Oh, and for towels to sit on too.

I'd love it if people would just be honest with me.... "I dont like you, Bob" or "I dont want to hang out with you" .... just say it instead of leading me on... tell me you hate my guts instead of making me think that you like me. Honestly, the thing worse than not having anyone to hang out with is having someone tell you that we will hang out soon but they have absolutely NO intention of ever hanging out with you.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Every now and then God gives me a day that He reveals things to me in ways that I never expect. Living without a schedule is rough sometimes so every now and then God just forces me into a day where I relax and learn something important.

It started by sleeping till 5pm without even raelizing it. This is something that I definitely needed. For some reason I decided to watch Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and God showed me some very important things. Finally I went to eat and while I was there I decided that I hadn't been to a movie in a while so I left there to go see "cars". That movie also really hit me.

Sometimes.... Well, all the time..... We live our lives just to make it to our next assignment. In the movie Sally said cars used to drive the road not to make time but to have a good time".... And there is a lot of truth in that. We push ourselves so much that we have no time to enjoy anything. Sometimes God has to alow bad things to happen to us to force us to relax.. Sometimes He uses other ways.... But He shouldn't have to force us at all....

The movie ends and I walk outside and my Samurai is sitting there in the parking lot.... Remind me of, of course, Mater (for those that saw the movie) But yaknow, anything Mater did gave him a good time. It not about having the fastest or the most reliable vehicle sometimes...... Its about having a good time. God really impressed on me, again, that I am where I need to be. He really showed me that even some of the simplest goals that we have may be more important than those big goals. They are all important but sometimes when you get so focused on serving that you forget about yourself. Many times, those little goals are the ones for what you want. Years ago when I sold my Samurai I decided that I would try to buy one again later. That's a goal I forgot about. Last year, when someone pulled into the data center with one, I didn't realize that it was appointed by God. God made a dream of mine come true. Many people make fun of my sammy but no one understands the enjoyment that it brings me. And yaknow, had someone not backed into my Elantra this week and cause me to bring my sammydown here to VA, I souldnt be sitting here with my samurai idling.... Sounding like its going to fall apart.... And enjoying every single moment of it.

The point is never what car you drive or where you live... The point is whether you are happy or not. And I'm as close as one can get, I think. I'm doing things for my church that are part of a huge vision/dream that I have had. I'm paying my bills.... And I own a samurai. It doesn't sound like much but its worth a lot more than making $100k and driving a ferrari to me Its not about being famous.

People ask me all the time why I do so much for my church without any reinbursement. What those people don't realize is that I have all the reinbursement in the world... Its just not money. People (especially in NoVA) can't comprehend being happy without money, but yet, few are happy.

I have everything I need and I even have almost all I could want. As for the last thing I want - she'll come. When God says I'm ready, I'm going to find (or re-find) the girl of my dreams. Until then, I will do my best to focus on what God has given me. If that's serving my church or just driving around in my Samurai, then I will thank God for giving me those desires of my heart. Ill try not to ask God why He hasn't given me my other desires - because He is working on making them even better than I dreamed.

Friday, June 16, 2006

"So long and thanks for all the fish"

So I just finished watching Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and now my brain hurts.... but yet, I feel better. So now I know why I'm affraid of mice... I know why certain things in the world are as they are.....

But the most improbable ....

Well, it is improbable but its not a joke.... The movie actually answered alot of real questions.... Perhaps "The greatest question of all" -- Is she the one? And in that week, Arthur felt happy.... Which actually might offer alot of explanation why I feel happy at times thinking about what is not impossible but what is improbable.... However, the movie pointed out that the improbabilities may be close to realities..... Oh, and the fact that someone needed to grow a backbone as was so clearly put in the movie.....

It doesnt take rocket science to figure out what I'm talking about.... but I know the chances that this blog post makes sense to anyone is improbable..... What I wonder is what the probability of people watching the movie to try to figure out what I'm talking about.... I wonder the probability of the movie meaning the same thing to the people that need to watch it.... and most of all I wonder the probability of anyone doing anything about it.
Christian Coalition of America : Net Neutrality

So for anyone who wonders how/if this Net Neutrality issue affects the church, here is your answer.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Not sure how long this will last, but click this link and then click to see larger image. Keyboard, Final Cut Pro G5: Electronics

Have you ever seen such incredible detail? :P

Monday, June 12, 2006 - NFL - Roethlisberger hurt

So because Pittsburgh has their own little slashdot effect going on here, I decided I'd post this link too. It doesnt have as many details but its not being bogged down by every Steelers fan in the world like The Tribune Review is.
Roethlisberger injury update - Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

This was a bad day for Pittsburgh this morning.... but its getting worse, unfortunately.
My poor car :(

Pic 2 - Pic 3
You ready for this? My car got hit.... someone backed into it at the garage and my door is dented pretty good. Its all taken care of so I dont really have to worry... its now at the body shop getting fixed but it'll be 3 days or so till its done... and of course I'm in PA.... but this may be a good thing. When I go home tomorrow I'll probably just be driving my sammy down and then my dad can bring my elantra down and trade me when its ready. Never a dull moment.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Ask A Ninja: Special Delivery 4 "Net Neutrality"
When am I going to learn? Someone asks how I am so I decide to be honest and say I'm not doing well... then they ask why because apparently they want to act like they care. This is the point where I should just shut up and not say anything... actually, I shouldnt even tell people I'm not doing well... they cant help... but they want to ACT like they can help... but I know they cant yet they insist... I finally give in and tell them and they say nothing.... I ask why they say nothing and they say "well, there isnt anything I can do" or "I dont know what to say" ... well, then.... just keep your mouth shut in the first place.... instead, you make you me spill my guts and then you leave me feeling worse than when the conversation started.

Here's a new idea... BE MY FRIEND and dont think you can fix my problems.....

ahh hell, I dont know what I'm saying..... I want help, yet I want people to leave me alone.... why cant I just have regular friends? Why cant I just be a normal person?
Dear Me,
I already know how you've because I am within
You ask exisitance or conscience or ideas
Whatever makes you me but I love to help
Please rely on me before you say "Goodbye"

Before you say "goodbye" should I say "goodbye"?

Anyways, I wish the best
Let's go
Take a look inside of me
There's no words I can write to know what it's like
So read on intently
You will face a number of disturbing thoughts
Yelling matches and culture shocks
Truth is fiction, a lot of confusion
Maybe some addictions, but don't give up
Oh yeah, it gets worse
All the way to the nursing home
Memories are spilling
Actual lies, surprise, it's unfulfiling
Trust me on this
No crime is as bad as meaninglessness
Your will will wither
And intense fear may begin to flutter
In the pit where the butterflies fly
Before you say "goodbye"


The truth of it is that there are a lot of miracles in medicine
You will get to know them well
Well haven't you grown?
Now on your own
Independence was the goal, now you miss home and sick
A relationship may save you or enslave you
Count on both to happen
Trapped in decisions, wrapped in ambiguity
You and me unfashion the answers with action
I'm behind your passion for life
I don't want you cash in yet
It's to easy to be content with with apathy
And disbelief in even me
I'd love to help, so please rely on me
Before you say 'goodbye"



"Letter to Myself" by Furthermore
I am really not feeling well today.... not totally sure whats up but I think its a mixture of physical and emotional. I just dont feel right... I know there have been some issues with my stomach and the medicine im on again is starting to make it worse it seems... and I've been plagued with headaches which I'm starting to think might be because I'm not really eating.... Why? I dont know.... its a mixture of time and my stomach I think.... So, I'm sure thats not good.... but then there is the emotional... I just feel blah.... I'm just stuck in a rut maybe and headed towards that phase every tech goes through once a year that we call burn out.... Actually, its sometimes more frequent. With everything everyone has been requiring of me it's really running me down... If I could get away with doing just the stuff for my church and for MFC, I would be happy... and might even have time to do the computer stuff that *I* need to get done for me. All I know is I'm not doing well and I wish something would change.... I could use something exciting... actually, I could just use a friend.... I've lost alot in my life and while I may have also gained alot since then, I still miss what I have lost and I think the biggest reason for that is because I know I was the asshole that screwed it all up.... life goes on tho and I'm trying to make the best of my post-screw-up.... There is only one thing harder than losing a friend - losing multiple friends.
I live next to the capitol of the U.S..... its a happening place right? Yet at 9 or 10pm, the world stops..... and I mean stops.... and I'm trying to find something close to me thats open 24 hours and I start searching google.... We have a hospital thats open 24 hours.... something I wasnt aware of... and thats about all I could find on google... so I figured I'd run an experiment..... Here are some results:

Central PA vs Northern VA

Pittsburgh vs Dulles

Northern Virginia vs Rhode Island

And the proof that my life sucks :)
Ashburn vs New Alexandria

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Make A Child Smile Organization - Send a card to a sick child
Found this while I was "stumbling". Thought I'd share it here...

Why Geeks and Nerds are Worth it (source unknown)

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.
House rejects Net neutrality rules | Tech News on ZDNet

The end of spaceballs put it best - "Oh shit, there goes the planet"

Friday, June 09, 2006

27B Stroke 6 : Wiretapping the internet
Techdirt: MPAA: The Grateful Dead's Success Was An Abomination Against Nature
Do you want to know a good way to fall in love?
Just associate all your pleasant experiences with someone,
and disassociate from all the unpleasant ones....Richard Bandler.

Did you ever just spill out a story to someone that you never really realized yourself and after looking at something in a different light, you really just want to kick yourself?

06/09 [14:22] bblboy54: I love someone very much that I completely ruined a relationship with
06/09 [14:23] bblboy54: and it was because I was so obsessed with losing her that she never saw that I loved her.....
06/09 [14:23] bblboy54: and the same was true the other way too
06/09 [14:23] bblboy54: and now I sit here wishing to God that she knew how I felt..... but I have no ability to show her
06/09 [14:24] bblboy54: there are pros and cons to every relationship
06/09 [14:24] bblboy54: I let the cons cover up the pros
06/09 [14:24] bblboy54: and its supposed to go the other way
06/09 [14:25] bblboy54: and honestly
06/09 [14:25] bblboy54: maybe there are more cons than pros
06/09 [14:25] bblboy54: but are the pros worth it anyway
06/09 [14:26] bblboy54: I can think of a lot more cons than I can pros
06/09 [14:26] bblboy54: but she loved me.... hardcore.... she REALLY cared about me and was probably the *ONLY* person that ever did
06/09 [14:26] bblboy54: I could stack 20 cons against that and it would win
06/09 [14:26] bblboy54: and I realize this all now..... but its too late
06/09 [14:27] bblboy54: i was too obsessed with changing her cons and making her who I thought she should be
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Bush: Time to ban gay marriage

Will someone make this man shut up before he make more of an ass out of himself?

Ok... Marriage... to me, it is the union of a man and a woman and you're not going to convince me otherwise because this is a core value of mine... but because its a core value of mine does not mean that it is of the next person. I cant understand how people think they can change someone by pushing them into some type of legal compliance. This is *NOT* the government's job -- especially not the federal government. Furthermore, do people honestly believe that making gay marriage illegal is going to change anything? Homosexuals will still have relationships and there is nothing anyone can (or should) do to change that. All we do is push what we dont like underground because if we dont see it, it doesnt exist. Is this how people feel better about themselves? Is it easier for people to walk down the street knowing that they completely destroyed someone's life all because they didnt see eye to eye with them? Then, as humans, we have the nerve to ask why we can't all get along.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Sometimes it feels like this world is spinning faster
Than it did in the old days
So naturally, we have more natural disasters
From the strain of a fast pace
Sunday was a day of rest
Now, it’s one more day for progress
And we can’t slow down ‘cause more is less
It’s all an endless process

I miss mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice-cold cherry Coke
Where everything is black and white (nana nana nananananana)
Picking on a six string
Where people pass by and you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
Bye, bye

Sometimes I can hear this old earth shouting
Through the trees as the wind blows
That’s when I climb up here on this mountain
To look through God’s window
Now I can’t fly
But I got two feet that get me high up here
Above the noise and city streets
My worries disappear


Sometimes I dream I’m driving down an old dirt road
Not even listed on a map
I pass a dad and son carrying a fishing pole
But I always wake up every time I try to turn back...time


Bye, bye

"Mayberry" by Rascal Flatts
Incredible Machines

Monday, June 05, 2006

So I guess I didnt get to say bye to Becca :( I tried to get a hold of a couple people to find out where everyone was meeting at the airport but couldnt find anyone.... and if I remember right, her flight left at somewhere around 8 or so....

Aside from that, I've been pretty down for the last few hours.... not really sure why... just this whole tech support for friends and family thing is killing me (not doing it but the way I'm treated by some people)... and I'm also so busy with doing stuff at the apartment and such and ... well, I just dont get much time to relax at all.... Saturday was really nice when Matt and I went down into DC.... but its the thought of knowing that its going to be a while till I get to do anything again.... And the other thing is that people are happy about getting one day but the standard person's life consists of work during the day and then they have the whole evening to work on some personal projects or relax.... thats something that I dont have because there is always something else to be done for someone else.... I just dont have that daily time to wind down....

Well, the weekend is over.... and it was a good one. Matt and I had a good time hanging out. I really feel blessed to have him as a friend. While we are different in alot of ways, we still have been really good friends since 3rd grade.... and no, thats not exagerating. I guess thats something many people can't say.

Church was really good today as well.... The sad thing is it was our last lunch with Becca.... she is flying back to Brazil in less than 24 hours.... and none of us want her to go but I guess this is part of life. I know that I will certainly miss her....

So now I guess its time for a new week to start... hopefully something new and interesting happens. I could use a little excitement... lol.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great week!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Verizon: How can I help you?
Me: I need my username and password for my DSL account
Verizon: Your account is still pending in the system
Me: Why did I get an email saying it was ready?
Verizon: Well, did you set up your username and password yet?
Me: Thats what I'm calling you for!
Verizon: Ok, did you install your CD yet?
Me: No, I'm running Linux
Verizon: Well, you need to set up your account so if you could open up Internet Explorter
Me: I dont have Internet Explorer. I am running Linux which is the opposite of Windows and Macintosh
Verizon: Ok, well then you need to install your CD
Me: I dont run windows so I cant use your CD. All I need is my username and password.
Verizon: Well, you havent set that up yet so I need you to open up Internet Explorer.
Me: How am I going to set it up on the internet without being able to login?
Verizon: We need to configure your modem.
Me: I dont have a router. I just have a regular DSL modem. How does one configure a modem?
Verizon: I need you to open internet explorer.
Me: Is this just a web configuration? Will Firefox work?
Verizon: No, you need to open Internet Explorer.
Me: Can I talk to a supervisor please?

Supervisor gets on the phone and says to give him one second. Within 1 min I had a username and password given to me over the phone... Amazingly this was a username and password that WAS generated for me and DID NOT need to be created by me, even if I did run the software.

Imagine that being good enough for God is being able to swim across the potomac. Some could do it - many can't. The reality is being good enough for God is like swimming from California to Hawaii. Those who are olympic swimmers will do well as will those in decent shape. The people in real trouble are those in wheelchairs and with broken legs. Actually - no one will make it. But suppose a cruise ship came along and offered a free ride to Hawaii for anyone that wanted. If this was the reality, who would make it to Hawaii - those in wheelchairs. Why? Because they are the ones that KNOW the can't do it. Those who are trained have the idea to try ... They pass up the offer and die.

This is reality. Those who are proud will not make it. Its those that are humble will be the ones that make it to Heaven.

We may not know how it works. How does the ship propel? Why is the captain offering this? The only thing that matters is the promise of where we are going. And with God we only need to know the Promise.

Proverbs 18:12 - Before destruction the heart of man is haughty; And before honor [goeth] humility.

I pray that somehow all of Gods followers realize that we don't have the answer; that we don't understand how the ship runs - but that we realize that we only know the promise and it is someone else's promise we need to tell others about. When we recommend a product to a friend, we don't understand how that product is made but we understand what it does for us. We reffer those people to the company that makes that product.

I'm having trouble falling asleep. Today I made the decission to stop supporting a family member with computer stuff. I have never in my life done this and its eating me ... But yet, I know I can't go on helping. What is really hurting me (moreso) is that this affects my grandmother's ability to get internet.... And my grandmother is one of the most paitient and understanding people I know.... Because of that I will work very hard to get her internet but it just sucks that shes going to go without for a while.

This is all killing me.... I don't want to deal with this.... I can't.. But I need to. I can't say no but I have to.... But I don't want to.... This just isn't fair.... I want to help.... I really do.... But I can't...

Why can't people just respect other people rather than take advantage of them? People tell me a lot that they think I am a really great person - why do only a handful of people act like it? :(

So Matt came down today and we ended up going into DC and hanging out. We had an absolute great time... Honestly, this was the first time since 7th grade that I actually just went sight-seeing in DC and it really is a beautiful city. We walked around Judiciary Square and then headed to walk through the mall and then saw the white house, lincoln memorial, korean war memorial, and some others.... On the way back on the Metro we ran into a family that was visiting from Tennesse.. It was nice to talk to them and stuff.... All in all, it was really awesome to be able to just relax and get away from computers for a while....

Apparently I either forgot about or didnt know about Becca's going away party... I had a message on my IM when I got home.... its strange that no one mentioned it to me again even if I did know but I guess I really havent seen anyone since a week or so ago.... Either way, it sucks.... but I did have a good time today and I really needed it. I really can't believe there is only 2 days left of Becca being here :( ... At least I will see her in church tomorrow... I know some people mentioned possibly meeting her at the airport but I dont know if thats happening or not.... Either way, I'm gonna miss her alot.

Well, Matt's already asleep and I really need to get to sleep too... only had 4 hours of sleep this morning and I definately want to make church tomorrow.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Here you are now
Fresh from your war
Back from the edge of time
And all that you were,
Stripped to the bone
I thought you­d want to know

That when you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms

Lay down your guns
Too weak to run
Nothing can harm you here
Your precious heart
Broken and scarred
Somehow you made it through
I only ask that you won't go again

When you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms

So glad to see you smiling
So good to hear your laugh
I think that you've found you even
Missed yourself
I'm only asking this because I think that
Truth be told
Oh, you'll never go again

When you feel the world is crashing
All around your feet
Come running headlong into my arms
I'll never judge you
I can only love you
Come now running headlong
Into my arms

"Breathless" by Better than Ezra
I really dont get into details about what happened tonight (and this is totally unrelated to my last post) but I do want to pour my heart out a little bit.

There are so many people out there that care and say they care and their solution to answering a question asked by the person they care about is to lie if they think it will hurt their feelings. You hear the saying that a friend wont stab you in the back, they'll insult you to your face.... Honesty is the most important thing in a friendship... and in a relationship. The one thing that should never be allowed to be put into question is your honesty because, quite honestly, how do you get out of that? If the thing in question is your honesty then you obviously cant just say "oh well, im being honest now" ... It just doesnt work that way. The only way to gain trust back once your honesty is in question is to take risks.... and be blantantly honesty about everything because if you dont, there is no other way to get it back and your honesty will forever be questioned.

In my life, I am constantly hurt -- not by those people that hate me, but by the people that care the most about me. There are people that hate me... there are people that abuse me... and yaknow, I can just move on from that without any issue at all because they arent worth much.... The most pain I ever have experienced in my life has always been the result of a friend or family member.... from those that I trust.... and I'd say that more than half of those times, its because they lied to me about something that they thought or knew what going to hurt my feelings. Maybe it would have hurt my feelings but you cant imagine the damage lying does whether its with good intentions or not. You end up hurting your reliability and then when the truth is the only thing that will set you free, the truth wont be believed. It doesnt matter what the intent was for you to lie, you still did it. Thats what hurts.

Im in a position now where I dont really trust many people. Sometimes I think I'm almost in a paranoia state... and its because I dont know who I can trust or who I can rely on. Sure, my church answer is "God" but we all know that reality rarely matches what we know and how we behave. Your church answer will be "get back in the Bible" and the same is true with that. With God aside tho, it really hurts when you put trust into people and they let you down. The thing is, no matter what you lie about, you still lie... and you cant do that.

Above all of this tho is the hardest thing of all. It is trying to let your heart convince your mind that you can trust someone that hurt you in many many ways because of well-intended lying. It's really hard when your heart yearns to have someone in your life but your mind wont let that person in because of the dishonesty and confusion.

Earlier this week I mentioned how the next couple of months at life group were going to be painful for me... I think that maybe alot more than just life group is going to be painful... But, as in everything, I guess there is no gain without some pain.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Tell me your computers broke, I try to fix it and you scream about me trying to fix it.... maybe you dont understand computers so maybe you should

1) Respect me because I do and that I actually offer to help
2) Dont make rash decissions before you really know whats going on

I'm sorry... I know its harsh... but its really how I feel... Again I get bombed with questions in the middle of work and I actually stop on-the-spot to help.... and get screamed at because I'm trying to help.... well, forget it then. Deal with it on your own then.

Again, there are alot of people out there that I really enjoy helping with computers and if you are one of the people that really appriciates what I do and appriciates that I am busy, then none of this has anything to do with you.

Vent over... back to work.
Just a little vent here....

We all know there are spammers out there.... And thats something that we just have to deal with unfortunately... But what really irritates me even more than that are the "legitimate" companies that directly spam you because you are or were a customer of theirs and they refuse to make their opt-out systems work properly (which is probably intentional). Right now, there are two companies that this is specifically the case that are really irritating me and I will never use their services again as a result.

The first is 000Domains who was a registrar that I used to use that was awesome. They were bought out by Dotster and immediately went down the tubes. I transfered everything away from them and no matter what I can not get them to quit spamming me. I have clicked their opt out links and emailed them personally. They dont care.... they just keep spamming. I once did get a response from them and they told me that I had a domain with them so there since I am using their services they reserve the right to send me any type of email they desire. After transfering my final domain away from them, I still cant get them to stop.

The second is the great "good-deal scam" of Columbia House. I once got my CDs from them and I no longer have an account -- in fact, I havent had one in over 5 years -- yet they keep spamming me. I cant get anyone's attention... and of course their opt-out links dont work either. As above, you can click the opt-out link all you want and it'll tell you your unsubscribed but you never are... they just keep spamming you.

So to everyone reading this, I urge you to never support these companies. These are direct violations of the CAN-SPAM act which means these companies can be prosecuted if anyone feels like it. If they are willing to break the law here, who's to say they arent breaking other laws and violating your privacy?
So I finally set up a subscription thing on this blog. If you want to automatically be emailed any post I make to my blog, just send an email to "" with "subscribe alerts" in the body of the message. After that, any posts I make to my blog will be directly emailed to you. This will not include comments or any posts that I would edit (you still gotta go to the site for that stuff).

This is "beta" meaning I dont know how well it works but it seems to do just fine. Let me know if anyone has an issue with it.

For those that use a mail program rather than a webmail system like Yahoo Mail or Hotmail, you can just click the link on the right side of the blog.
Ok so I got somewhat of a bonus yesterday and my normal instinct is to pay ahead on a bill somewhere.... But this time, Best Buy had something on sale that I always thought was cool and I decided to splurge and actually buy an outright toy for myself... This evening I was fighting back the thoughts that I shouldnt have but I'm really enjoying it.... lots of entertainment value in this product:

Robosapien V2

I have been playing with it a bit.... and so far I have really enjoyed it with the exception of this is easily the worst product ever to unbox. They had this robot tied into the box in ways that Mr. Rubix himself could not have thought of..... Once I got it out of the box and got the ungodly amount of batteries in it (this thing takes 6 'D' batteries and 4 'AAA' batteries in the robot and 3 'AAA' batteries in the controller) he was moving around almost instantly. Still learning some of the commands.... in some ways, to me, it seems like he may be doing things slightly backwards than what he should but im going to look into that... it may just be me not understanding how the thing fully works. The controller for this thing is to be compared to an Xbox controller or something.... it can do an awful lot so I guess it needs the buttons so that you can communicate all of that to it. Sure isnt the days of the Atari Joystick :)

Either way, its a fun toy and its probably the first time I actually bought myself an actual "toy" in a long while. I've also calmed down a good bit from earlier.... But I honestly dont know if people realize how much pressure they put on me... especially the people that I hook up with free stuff and actually pay for things to make their computers run easy. There are alot of people that respect that I am busy and that when I do something for them it is taking time out of other things that I should be doing -- those people I love helping out. But there are also people that call me and just need it fixed NOW... Even things that I dont have control over I'm supposed to just magically fix. Most of them are in PA and I guess maybe up there they really dont have a concept of how much stuff I actually do down here in VA. There is nothing wrong with asking me for help... I enjoy helping people.... but you have to understand that I cant just drop everything.... and you also have to be thankful for what I do do.... not to mention not calling me over every little detail without trying something on your own (for instance, reboot the thing first). Its hard to understand how my church has so much respect for me that even when their mission-critical systems are down they tell me "when you have time" and how my friend Bud up at EHC has a company relying on critical computer systems and yet he has enough respect to know that I am busy.... then I have family and friends that expect me to drop everything so they can surf the web and if I dont fix it its all my fault and I screwed it up in the first place.... or worse yet those people that never freaking talk to me until they break something. I'm just handy to have my number in their phone in case they need some computer help but God forbid they call me and say "hey, how are you doing"..... and if only some of these people would learn the boy that cried wolf story.... call me and make everything an emergency and when you have a real emergency I'll assume its just another stupid little thing and not work hard to correct something for you. All I ask is for a little respect and people caring about me a little bit.... just a little bit.

Well, I'm gonna head home again and maybe play with my robot for a bit and then head to bed. There are people that need my help tomorrow... people that actually care about me and that I enjoy helping more than anything in the world.... that would be my church..... and if my grandmother lived closer she'd be the next person I would help because I know she loves me and actually appriciates the help I give her... and I know that she respects the fact that I am busy.... That means more to me than anyone could ever imagine..... if only others cared about me and respected me like that.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Couple's Supposedly Destroyed Hard Drive Purchased In Chicago - Yahoo! News

Go Best Buy! *sigh*
Im so sick and freaking tired of people calling me only for help with their computer without any regard to the fact that I may be busy.... If your getting free service from me, then shut up and just wait till I have time and dont expect me to be there at your beckon freaking call. Just stop calling me before I change my number and leave you all screwed.... I cant deal with it anymore... I am one person who is busy as hell down here in VA and I dont have the luxury of just dropping everything at a given moments notice to help someone with a computer problem. You want service, pay for it...

To those who really truly respect my help, I apologize and stress that this post is not directed at you at all.... There are some of you out there and I really appriciate you.