Friday, October 31, 2003

and oh yea.... DSL installation is done! :)
Ok, wow... its 2am.... and I was going to be in bed by midnight... oh well.
First off... the bear is in hiding... whatever that means... I think that means that Steve had enough of me abusing his bear and he took it home with him... now what will I do after I clean everything up at the hut?
Work went pretty well tonight... it seemed we got CRUSHED for a while... ok, actually we did get crushed.... but our sales werent up because everyone was using the blasted entertainment coupons... so alot of what we made was free and such.... my P&A report... ok, in laymens terms, my coupon report was 2 pages long.... usually on weekdays it doesnt even hit a page. Its sucks when all that happens.... you go crazy trying to keep up with everything and then they look at the reports and say "you didnt really have that much business" ... oh well... such is life.
Ok, I need some serious input on what im going to do this weekend.... besides go crazy. Tiffany is taking a trip into London.... she wont be back until Sunday night.... this means that I will not get to talk to her until at least Monday.... *sigh* This really sucks. Im working 9:30am-5:00pm on Monday now so if Tiff wants to talk to me on Monday, she will have to be online at 10pm her time... well, a little after that because I'll have to have time to get home... I'm not gonna ask her to do that... she needs her sleep.... I guess we'll see what happens. I got a really sweet email from her today... she called me her angel.... it really melted my heart.... she's my angle too tho... I love her soo much! I cant wait till I can see her. It's tough being apart.
Oh.. and one more thought.... how can you dial an 832- phone number and think that your calling New Stanton? I can understand when we get calls at pizza hut from people who really want one of the other Greensburg huts.... but New Stanton? Come on.... people never fail to amaze me at their stupidity.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Today was a decent day.... except for the morning when I misserably failed at installing a DSL connection.... but it wasnt my fault, its just a really old and bad computer.... I get to go back tomorrow to try it all over again... hope it goes better.
Tonight I got to talk to Steve (my one best friend from Mass.) ... it was nice to talk to him since it has been a while... it was good to get caught up on everything. Maybe one day I'll blog about how we met... its a pretty neat story, I guess :)
Tiff and I are getting ever more stronger. Yesterday was a good day for my attitude with Tiff. I talked about the whole ring situation with a few people.... most people kinda ... well, Vanetta said that I am a much stronger person than she knows because of the fact that I want Jim and Tiff to still be friends. Granted, I dont want her to keep the ring, but I do want them to be friends. Somehow I can just trust her in this situation... which is really good for a relationship and something that Tiff and I definately have: Trust! Patty at work said I was stupid... and I definately see her point. She said that I should think about it because Tiff and I were friends before she broke up with him and look what happened in that situation. I agree... but somehow I just know that Tiffany is serious enough to stay true to me. Granted, if I ever found out that some ended up happening between her and Jim it would hurt things tremendously.... but I dont think I have to worry... I completely trust her... Diana even agreed with me... she said that alot of people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" ... not always true... sometimes you get stuck in some very weird circumstances... and that is what happened with Tiffany. Tiffany and I are in love... we are soulmates... Ive known that since a few weeks after I met her, and although she never admitted to it, I really think she believed it shortly after I did. I know she definately believes it now... she's become so sweet too since the break up... I mean, she was always very sweet... but now she's even sweeter.... she's such an amazing girl. I cant even begin to describe how much I love her.
Well, speaking of Tiff... I need to wake up at 6am to talk to her because after that, I wont get to talk to her until at least monday since she's going to London for the weekend. As a result, im going to bed. Good night everyone!

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

I'm up way to early.... but its good.
I've been talking to Tiff for about the past hour... I know what people mean when they say that making up is the best part about a fight... even though Tiffany and I really didnt have I fight... I now understand that. Alot of it was misunderstanding (and stupid lag on text messaging).
One thing that I guess kinda bugged me was that she said she was going to keep Jim's ring. Maybe I dont fully understand that.... but we talked about it for a long time... at first she was irritated with me but I think eventually she understood where I was coming from. Granted, it bugs me... but I also dont think she could keep it for Jim's sake. She said she was going to talk to Jim about it... I hope that he will understand too... ultimately, I hope when she comes home she gives the ring back. I want her and Jim to be friends but I just think keeping the ring is a bad idea. We'll see what happens.
Ultimately, Im more in love with Tiffany today than I have ever been... it just keeps getting stronger and stronger.... yesterday was bad but im glad that Tiff and I have this ability to get things out in the open.

Monday, October 27, 2003

132, 164 ,162... those were my games tonight. I could have done better but I am actually shocked I did that well... with the kind of mood I was in. My team won 5 of 7 points.
More thoughts on the Tiff thing.... in one of the emails she sent me today she said something like I was too happy for the situation.. WTF... what the hell is that supposed to mean? Am I not supposed to be happy? Also she said that she really isnt as happy as she has been letting on... first of all, she wants to be honest with me... then she lies about being happy... if she's not happy with the decission she made, then maybe she shouldnt have made it. I dont know.... I'm just really frustrated and the more this day went on the more frustrated I got.... especially during the first game... I kept missing easy shots and just got more and more pissed about everything.... then also today in one the text messages she sent me she said f*ing... ok, she did censor it just like that, and it wasnt directed at me or used negatively.... but thats just not her. Whats going on? Well thank God I can go to bed in a few mins here.... I never have looked so forward to going to bed... the hell with this day.
Im really pretty frustrated right now... I guess most of it stems from curiosity of whats going on with Tiff... she was in a bad mood tonight and she was texting me at work.... I told her I love her and I didnt hear from her for about 5 mins until I sent a message to her asking her if she was mad at me... then she said no and couldnt understand why I would say that... THEN she said "I love you too" ... that just really bugs me... maybe its stupid.... I dunno... after that she started talking to me again and it really cheered me up... then I get home and get an email from her saying that we need to talk about some things but she didnt say what... The last couple of weeks she would say something that kinda clued me into something being wrong and then she'd immediately follow that by "I dont want to talk about it right now" ... Id want nothing more than to sit down face to face and talk to her but that just cant happen... we need to talk about stuff now... I'm tired of having these scared and anxious feelings. Oh well, I'm gonna listen to some Linkin Park to get some frustration out and then I'll go bowling and try to have a good time.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Ok, so Steve is really keeping me in line... pointing out that I havent blogged since Tuesday.... I guess I better put an entry in for his entertainment (and anyone else that actually reads this) :)

I guess the reason why I havent really blogged recently is nothing new is really going on. Tiff and I are definately drawing closer and I am really happy about the way things are going. She got the flowers that I sent her, on... hmm I think it was Tuesday that she got them... she was soo happy... it was worth the money... by far.... but I still question... why do they cost so much? I mean they are natural and you can grow them anywhere... *shrug* regardless, it was well worth it seeing as how much she liked them.... im glad I boosted her spirits a little bit... she got them on a day that she was having a rough time anyway so that worked out.
Other than the typical Tiff stuff, there is the typical Pizza Hut stuff. On Thursday night I ended up closing by myself in the kitchen... yea, that was fun. The closing cook never showed up... and of course it was one of my new hires.... I'm glad Tim and Jeff are working out really well because otherwise I'd feel like a failure... It looks like Bruce and Stephanie are on their way out the door... which is basically a good thing. We need employees that we can rely on and that actually come to work. And oh yea, how can I forget that I broke Steve's bear.... ok, I really felt bad about that one. I wrote a note in the manager log that his bear got drunk and then I opened the attic and had him peeking out of the hole in the ceiling looking down at a bunch of empty beer bottles.... well, when I first put him up there he ended up falling from the attic so I think thats what may have done it.... today he was talking fine but the last second he would stutter (in case you havent figured it out, its a bear with a pull string). Tonight I told Diana that I broke it and went to show her and it worked fine... so maybe his hangover wore off *shrug* ... I hope it continue to work because I do feel bad. Of course it wont stop me... more pranks to come :)
Tonight after we closed Diana and I sat around talking for quite a while... it was really good to talk to someone... I really consider her a good friend....
Well, I think thats about all I can update everyone on right now. I'll blog tommorow even if its just my bowling scores.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

What a night! I decided to drop off a copy of Win XP for Matt at Pizza Hut tonight.... I think I stopped by there around 6 or so... I walk in and matt goes "punch in" ... I wasnt doing anything tonight anyway so I figured i'd help them out. There was a fundraiser for tonight for a club at Greensburg Salem High School. Usually our fundraisers are major flops because no one cares enough to promote them. This we were expecting about 15 extra checks or so... which is more than our usual 10 checks but not alot. Typically for the day on a Tuesday we have about 80 checks total... tonight we had 200. Apparently a teach at the high school decided to give anyone extra credit who brought in a recipt from pizza hut tonight. Pretty much the entire high school was at our hut tonight. It was crazy. Its been a long time since I've seen that store that busy. Matt and I both agreed on one thing... when we were in high school the girls did not look like that. Wow!... so at least the scenary was good. Really tho, I dont care... I have an amazingly cute girl and I will be happy with her for the rest of my life... I wouldnt want anyone else. Since I did just stop in to drop something off, I wasnt in uniform so I was working in my strong bad t shirt... its amazing how many people actually love strong bad... I got alot of compliments. Oh well, im pretty much beat from tonight so I think Im gonna call it a night here shortly.
Aside from taking care of my medical stuff, Dr. Gaul and I had a talk about whats been going on in my life today. We talked about the Tiffany situation and how she broke up with Jim last night. I really liked the commend he made... he said that I have really been paitient and waited and now God is going to bless me. Well, he may be right, but I still have alot more practice of paitence to do. This situation is really tough right now. The worst thing happened to me.... twice I told Tiff that I love her and she simply responded "I know" ... Im glad that she knows but when I dont hear "I love you" back, it really bugs me. *sigh* ... I feel like just going to lay down and stop talking to tiff right now but I know that I need to be there for her... I just hate not hearing I love you... it really bugs me. I hope this situation doesnt last long and that Tiff and I will be a couple soon... I really need that. I do love her... ALOT.
143, 154, 139.... SUCKS... *sigh* not a good night... we only won one game too.... oh well... you cant win them all.
Also today, i come home from lunch and look at my mail... mail from AES... my student loans are scheduled for repayment shortly... looks like next month I'll be paying on that... then I open my car insurance bill... it went up $31/month.... *sigh* I only had a small accident but apparently I previously had a huge discount because I have had no accidents and I lost that... so now im paying over $90 a month for insurance... that just plain sucks
And now for the main event. Tiff broke up with Jim tonight. After she did it she called me crying... mainly because she was worried about him. I guess he just kept saying "I want to die, I want to die" ... it hurts me to see her cry.... not to mention I feel like shit about this whole situation. I never intended for any of this to happen... it just did. I asked her tonight if she wanted me to walk and let her and Jim continue on... she said no... it was done with and then said that she loved me. I still feel like I destroyed someone's life.... and this really hurts after watching what my aunt did to my uncle... I know that this sucks for Jim... and I really feel bad. To add to it all I talked to Jason about it and he wasnt supportive at all... I guess I cant expect him to be... he thinks im wrong... and I know that.... I guess I see his point too... thats why I feel like shit.... I know this is all gonna blow over and Tiff and I will be fine... I know that we are meant to be... I know that we will be happy together.... I still also hope that Tiff's mom can learn to like me too... I know that she hates my guts right now too.... this situation sucks, but I know that its moving in the right direction so im gonna try to get through this.... and I'll be praying for Tiff and mainly for Jim.... I hope God brings Jim a very special girl into his life soon.... I also hope that Tiff doesnt hold herself responsible for what happened... she did what she had to do....

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Well, we met "the new guy" tonight. For those of you who have not been up to speed, my aunt and uncle have recently become divorced -- through no fault of my uncle's. Tonight we met my aunt's new boyfriend... ok, I must say now... fiance.... yes, thats right. They are getting married in December... a mere 3 months after the divorce was completed. Well tonight the entire family met Rodger, the new guy. I guess there was nothing that I really had against him, but he doesnt belong. The good part was when my aunt and rodger left uncle tim came and joined us. Literally the place lit up when he came in... even my aunt jenny said how much better things felt now that he was there... after he got there everyone started having fun. I dont know why my aunt has to be such an idiot... destroying the lives of her kids (my cousins), my uncle, and my entire family. It's heart breaking. But, none-the-less, we made it through.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

It seems that sometimes im like a little kid... regressing to a previous experience. Maybe thats why things are so rough on me with the whole Tiff situation. I've been through alot when it comes to girls and ive had my heart broken so many times... not only that but ive been in the position with Tiffany where she was going to break up with Jim before.... its rough one me... it really is. Even though I know that there really is no reason to doubt this time I still do. And the thing that kills me even more is that I dont think she fully understands that. I know this is rough on her... I know what she has to do is next to impossible (but still possible) but sometimes I wish she just understood how rough this is on me. I love Tiffany from the bottom of my heart.... I dont like seeing her go through this... its even crossed my mind that maybe I should run from her just so she doesnt have to go through this... I wanted so badly to send her a really sweet email tonight... but I just couldnt find the words to say.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Not a bad night tonight... it was slow after buffet which is normal for wednesday nights. everything went smooth and we were outta there by 10:15... well, we were off the clock by then... then diana and I just sat around talking for a bit.
The only depressing part of the day was the .. not really hassel, but somewhat about me having new years eve and new years day off. I volunteered to work thanksgiving day, christmas eve (all day), AND christmas day just so I could have those two off... I could even work an open shift on new years eve.... even patty agreed with me that that should be more than fair. I'll be really upset if I dont get that time off... its the first chance I'll have to see Tiff and I really want it to be special.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

160, 204, 175 ... those were my scores tonight. I'm pretty happy with that. My team took 5 of the 7 points, so Im pretty happy with that too.
Did you know that the Franken Berry and Boo Berry cereals are back? I was just at Wal Mart and saw them... of course I had to pick up a box of Franken Berry.... Kari and I went to wal mart for a pitcher and some chocolate syrup and I ended up spending $38... *sigh* Matrix Reloaded is out tho so I had to buy the DVD.
I also fixed my sub woofer today... I was impressed with myself. I took it out of the box and checked the wires and they were all tight... I came to the conclusion that the subwoofer was dead... something made me touch the wires from the amp to the lead wires into the cone and when I did that it worked so I cut the lead wire and soldered the lead wire back onto the terminal... after that it worked. Im happy to have some bass in my car again! (especially without having to spend $80 on a new sub)
I got to talk to Tiff on the phone today... she called me around 3. It was really nice to hear her voice. I miss her so much.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Good night tonight. It was pretty slow at work which was actually a nice switch. I was training two of my new hires tonight and I am extremely impressed with how well they are working out.
For a while Patty, Diana, Vanetta, and myself talked about the situation with me and Tiff... nothing real in depth but anyway Vanetta explained how she was in the same situation that tiff was in (loving two people)... She explained how Rob just waited for her. The whole conversation made me feel really good. Im glad, looking back, that I never forced Tiff into making a decission... sure I said here in my blog that she really needed to make a decission but I never forced her to. Vanetta told me that I was doing the right thing by waiting for Tiff and everyone agreed that they wouldnt be able to do what I did. It looks like all of it is finally paying off... and I'm thankful for that. I love Tiffany alot... and I know that we will be happy together.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

I love Tiff!
Today was a very long day for me... I went into work at 8am and left at 9:45pm.... but it went pretty well. We trained one of my new hires tonight and he is working out pretty well. When I got home I had a couple emails from Tiff that really cheered me up.... stuff to just build my faith that this is gonna happen. I think Tiff has finally realized what ive seemingly known for quite some time: we are meant to be. I do feel bad though about Jim... this was never my intention... I guess its just truly what was meant to be... it just kinda happened. I know what it feels like to lose someone and I really have been praying for Jim... I hope that God brings him someone quickly and that he will be ok. I question whether im right or not but I guess that things happen for a reason. I guess I truly do know that this is what is supposed to happen....
Im going to have a fairly long day tommorow too... gotta go to the Y and finish working on the computer in there and I gotta do that before I go into work at 11:30.... so I should get to bed. Nite nite!

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Did anyone know that the name Beavis means "handsome face?" Well, apparently it does. And because it does, I won something from the radio. :) the Riot (Radio U) had a contest and the first person to call in with the correct meaning of the name Beavis won... well I did my research on Google and found out that it means "handsome face" ... of course then I had to start searching other names... I found out that my name means "bright fame" and the thing that I like the most is that "Tiffany" means "appearance of God" ... how fitting because I really see her as an appearance of God to me... He really has blessed me.... anyway, thats my blog for the morning... busy day ahead... working at both greensburg delivery and westmoreland today.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

I am really in love!

God really has truly blessed me with Tiffany and I know that we are going to be very happy together. I was able to talk to her for quite some time today. It was really awesome. I wish I could cuddle up next to her right now but I will be paitient. I know it may be tough since she may be going out of state for an internship and who knows where vet school will lead her... but im sure that we can remain strong through it all.

Monday, October 06, 2003

164, 124, 149... ok so I sucked tonight. My team won all 7 points tho so that was good.... and my dad had a 266... he only missed 2 strikes from a 300... and if you add the game before, he would have had well over a 300... so it wasnt a bad night... just my bowling sucked.
Im thinking this is gonna be an early night for me... I really cant wait to talk to Tiff tommorow.... I love her bunches!
Well it looks like the promising-ness of the tiff situation has drastically increased. Im back to believing.... and I think this time it may happen.... I really think it might. Sure there still is some skepticism but we'll see what happens. I do know this tho... and ive told myself this over and over again today.... if this backfires again, its pretty much gonna be over with for good... I dont think thats going to happen but if it does, I dont see anything else developing... including friendship... but I dont think I have to worry. When it comes down to it, I have believed the whole time that Tiff is the one for me... I cant really explain how I knew that... I just knew... and I knew I had to be paitient... I love her a whole heck of a lot... she honestly is perfect for me... everything about her... just perfect.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Second day in a row that I did not hear from Tiff... I dunno whether to be worried or pissed. Maybe she's just trying to avoid me so she can sort things out... I dont know. I wish I knew what to expect... I wish that I could say "yea, things are gonna be great after this..." but I cant... ive been here too many times. *sigh* This all just royally sucks! I'm so sick of this situation...
*sigh* Ive been trying to sleep for the past ... oh its been well over an hour. I keep thinking of the entire Tiff situation. Gosh in so many ways has she hurt me.... but I keep on loving her. Why do I still love her? What is in store? I dont think its fair the way she's treated me... the way that she's played games with me... I mean, I know it wasnt her intention but its still what she did... and I denied it for so long... I ignored my friends but ultimately they were right. Its really hard now that the people who told me to wait for Tiff are actually telling me that I need to move on.... ok, not everyone is.... but its harder to believe.... maybe things do look promising... I really hope that something good does happen... I hope that Tiff and I are together.... I have forgiven her for what she has done but she still needs to do some things to make it right... I dont know what to think or what to expect... I just want to sleep right now... I want to wake up tommorow... go to church, come home from church and be able to talk to her and hear some good news. I cant bear to wait any longer.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Today was a pretty fun day overall. It started out cleaning out some more of my grandmother's old house. There were alot of memories in that basement. It was hard throwing some things away but sometimes you just have to.
After that I took a nap since I really didnt get much sleep last night and then woke up later and went to the mall with my sisters. We actually had a good time, despite having to be stuck in stores such as American Eagle and the likes... but I lived. As soon as we got home Uncle Tim, Kaylynn, and Darby where at our house and we went to eat at Pitzer's with them. Prime Rib... mmmmm!
The depressing part of the day was I didnt hear from Tiff at all. Usually I get something from her at least once a day but she must have been busy today. I still dont know where anything is going and I am still open to other girls... but I do miss her. :(
I spent some time talking to Kendra tonight. I do miss her. She is really a good friend to me. In some ways I wish we never would have parted ways... I could see myself with her... but in other ways I totally understand what happened and in the same ways, im glad. There is a perfect person out there for everyone. Kendra and I are both still searching... and we're able to lean on each other for support. I really wish she wasnt on the other side of the country now.
No new progessions on the me and tiff thing today. I miss her, but thats about it. I dont know what to expect in the next few weeks. I really think that this is going to be the final big situation between Tiff and I... it's either gonna make us or break us. I've been in this position before, and granted, since I have been, I know not to get my hopes up this time... but at the same time, if it doesnt work this time, I think all my hope will be violated and that may be something that may not be able to be gained back. I'm still looking though. Until I have a commitment from Tiff, i will continue looking for others. I'm not going to commit until I have commitment.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Well I got a "promising" email from Tiff today... but yaknow, you would think that I would be happy but I'm not. I've been here before. Something looks promising and then we end up back at square one. I dont know whats happening to me. Of course I still love her but I just cant go on like I have been. I'm still ok. I'm not depressed and I'm pulling through just fine. I guess I'm realizing that God will give me a great woman soon. I've been kinda outta it.... more skis came today so I was opening them in the living room and my mom just looked at me and asked "whats wrong with you" ... then my dad spoke up and said "he was the same way at bowling on monday" ... I guess I have been out of it. There just is alot on my mind right now. Its not fair that I have to go through all of this... its not fair the way Tiff has treated me. I guess we'll see what happens. Maybe this will work out and Tiff and I will be together. Its just gonna have to happen soon. I hope it does... but I'm not going to bank on this anymore... I've done enough getting my hopes up... I'm gonna wait until it happens this time.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Came home from work... no message or emails or anything from tiff... guess im really not important to her after all.... why am I worried though... God is gonna bring me an amazing girl... and this girl will actually want me.
What a day... last night I had a dream that I was just hanging out with my grandfather (who passed away about this time last year). Today I had to go and clean out my grandmother's house since she moved into an appartment now that my grandfather isnt around... alot of memories... some that I didnt even have. Having to watch them throw away the train layout without ever getting to see it in action... that was pretty tough. This whole day has been tough... yaknow, one of those days where you just want to come home and talk to that one special person... except in my case you dont have that special person and even if the one closest to my special person WANTED to talk to me she couldnt anyway because she's in another time zone. Thank God my medicine is working... I would be a literal wreck right now if it wasnt... but im not depressed... i'm a bit pissed but im not depressed so thats good... I dont understand this situation at all... I guess im not supposed to. I guess secretly I was kinda hoping that tiff left me an email trying to talk me out of being this way... but forget it.. its not worth it... and its probably better anyway because she always seems to get me to a point where Im attached to her again and then it goes back to a "maybe" state... screw it... ive had enough of these games.
So starts my long and fun day... *sigh* I wont get to talk to Tiff today... dunno whether thats good or bad. I dont know what to do about the whole situation. Some of the people who supported me in waiting for Tiff are now saying that I need to move on. Maybe that is what I need to do. *shrug* I wish this was easier but its not. I dont understand why God is letting me in this situation. I just want a sweet girl to be mine... someone who will love me just as much as I love her and someone that will want to commit to me forever. I hope He answers me soon. Well, I need to get into my grandmother's old house so I'm outta here.