Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Came home from work... no message or emails or anything from tiff... guess im really not important to her after all.... why am I worried though... God is gonna bring me an amazing girl... and this girl will actually want me.
What a day... last night I had a dream that I was just hanging out with my grandfather (who passed away about this time last year). Today I had to go and clean out my grandmother's house since she moved into an appartment now that my grandfather isnt around... alot of memories... some that I didnt even have. Having to watch them throw away the train layout without ever getting to see it in action... that was pretty tough. This whole day has been tough... yaknow, one of those days where you just want to come home and talk to that one special person... except in my case you dont have that special person and even if the one closest to my special person WANTED to talk to me she couldnt anyway because she's in another time zone. Thank God my medicine is working... I would be a literal wreck right now if it wasnt... but im not depressed... i'm a bit pissed but im not depressed so thats good... I dont understand this situation at all... I guess im not supposed to. I guess secretly I was kinda hoping that tiff left me an email trying to talk me out of being this way... but forget it.. its not worth it... and its probably better anyway because she always seems to get me to a point where Im attached to her again and then it goes back to a "maybe" state... screw it... ive had enough of these games.

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