Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Today was definately a Linkin Park kinda day... and then they wouldnt let me listen to linkin park after close tonight at work.... oh well, im getting my fix now.
I'm so fed up with everything.... I just want some things to be different... mom just told me that I have to be at my grandmother's house in the morning to help clean it.... this is ... ahh, im gonna try not to swear. I have to work 2-close tommorow and I like to go out to lunch with Jim and Jason and.... dangit... I need a vacation... I cant wait till december for our ski trip... away from everything.... away from mom and dad, away from the tiff crap... just away from everything....
Ahh yes, the tiff stuff.... tonight when I got home from work I had an IM from her that said "please tell me what that was all about" ... I dont know what to say to her... I'm fed up with the situation... Im tired of things starting to look positive and then falling back to the way they were. I'm really starting to think my friends are right and I'm being played... I dont want to believe that but maybe I just need to realize it and move on. Jim has been trying to convince me to go to this "Equally Yoked" place which is for Christian singles... maybe thats what I need to do.
$> man woman
$> Segmentation fault (core dumped)
I really need to figure out whats best.... my friend is right... it has been over a year and Tiff is still with Jim... maybe that is an indication that she really doesnt want to be with me. I cant stay in this position. Something has to be done... whether she breaks it off with Jim or I find someone new... either way, something has to be done. Not only that but it was AFTER things got serious between me and tiff that she decided to get engaged... it wasnt like she was engaged and then fell in love.... if she really loved me, she wouldnt have gotten engaged... maybe it is over... maybe thats just what im missing and tiff just keeps pretending its not over because she doesnt want to lose me as a friend.... I cant be played like this though. Something has to be done.

Monday, September 29, 2003

169, 178, 151 -- those were my games tonight. Our team won 2 of the 7 points. Im satisfied with my bowling but as a team we had a really rough night. The lanes were really dry.
Today was an interesting day.... things between me and Tiff are interesting. Im really tired of this entire situation. I love Tiff to death and everything but I just cant be in this position anymore. She says that she wants to be with me... but I see no evidence of that... She believes that I'm her soulmate but she doesnt believe that that means that shes meant to be with me. As for me, I dont know what to think... a month ago I would have swore to you that Tiff was my soulmate but now I just dont know what to think... and then to top it all off after she tells me something she gets all paranoid and now im affraid that she's just not going to tell me stuff anymore. She wants to talk face to face but that just cant be right now.... if we dont talk online, we dont talk at all. She said that she has the feeling that she is replacable in my life... I dont know what to think... no she's not... but then again, where is that going to be in a few weeks. The truth is that if I meet someone else and we really hit it off, maybe that new person will be my soulmate and that then means that Tiff is not. If Tiff is not my soulmate, is she replacable? Well, I guess ultimately yes. I dont want it to be that way... and I dont know if she truly understands that but I just cant be in this "stringing-me-on" position. Whether that is her intention or not, thats whats happening. She says she's praying really hard.... I guess what I need to do is start agressively looking for another girl.... if Tiff and I are meant to be, God will answer her before I find someone.... and if God does answer her and she ignores it, well then, its her own fault... I think God has answered her but she's just waiting for something to magically happen to make this easy on her.... and it just might not happen. We're reading about moses now in our devotions... God promised the israelites freedom from egypt but it got harder and they had to work more before they were set free.... thats where we're at. I think God has answered but its going to take effort before its complete... and unfortunately it's out of my hands.... Tiff is the one who has to stand up and make it happen.... if she doesnt do it, then Im sure God will bless me with someone else. I just have to focus on God right now... I need to get my life in order... God will give me someone... whether it's Tiff or not. I dont have to worry.
Well, I have to get up early tommorow to go into the doctors to get blood work done (yea!)... I hate needles... but anyway, I'm going to bed. Please pray for me... I could really use it right now.
What a fun night... I got to "fire" someone... ok, so technically I didnt but in all essence I did. He was 30 mins late today ... this after missing two interviews and being late for the third, late for work on thursday, and missing orientation on saturday. The good news is 2 people put applications in today so it looks like we still might be ok.

I'm reminded tonight of when Tiff and I went mini golfing... we had such a good time and it was just a reminder of how much I love doing stuff with her. I really believe that if her and I get married, it will be the perfect marriage.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

The Saturday night kitchen crew rocked like billy idol! :)

Ok, now that thats out of the way.... what my day was like.... not bad. I slept in and was 15 mins late for work but it wasnt too bad. We actually had a good time at work. It was a bit hectic since we were a little busy and we only had 3 people in the kitchen, but we pulled through and had a good time doing it.
Tonight I have really been missing Tiffany. I didnt get a chance to talk to her but I guess I need to get used to that. Her classes start on Monday so our schedules will be even harder to cordinate. I think the time difference might actually be the saving grace though. She should be done with classes and well into the evening before I start work. No new developments though. Things are still looking a little more promising but im not accepting it as fact until its done and over with. My desire is to be with Tiffany, but right now, until (if) im with tiffany, I will remain open to other girls and get to know them.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Well my computer is reloaded. Now im running Windows XP (oh joy)... I still wish my life was fully linux compatible.... its almost there so who knows I may be going all linux in the near future... especially if windows continues to piss me off like it has been today. I still have quite a few quirks to work out... for one its only letting me use 2 of my 3 monitors... ok so maybe I rarely used the 3rd monitor but I have the hardware to do it so I should be able to do it.. it just bugs me when something on my computer doesnt work. I'm still trying to find a good solution for recording video from my capture device... ive tried many different software programs tonight.... one I really like but the file it records is real jerky.. so that wont work.... but its identical to another program... same problem on that one... im wondering if its something with my computer.... *shrug* ... I really hate computers. oh yea and in other news when I met jim and jason for lunch at computer connections today, jude and wes stopped me and had me go over a letter they got... apparently a customer (from when I worked there) that I installed a network for in March of 2002 is refusing to pay his bill and he claims its because I did not do my job and I was too inexperienced... some people.... it was more an issue of him not telling me exactly what he wanted.... and honestly, if he really had a problem with the work I did, why did he wait until over a year later to bring it up. Oh well... im gonna write a few things down and give to jude so he has something to back himself up.
Not too much else happened today.... time for bed tho. Nite nite!

Friday, September 26, 2003

w00t! I just got a call from Tiffany... it was really great to hear her voice. She had to go but she's getting online so I can talk to her there. After that I get to start reloading my computer... yea, im actually gonna do it.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

What a day... its over tho thank God. I couldnt wait to get home and read my email from tiff..... but when I got home, there wasnt one. *sigh*
To make a long story short, I was supposed to work at Greengate Pizza Hut tonight from 4 until close. I, of course, was up till 5am last night because I was planning on sleeping at least until 11... well, at 9am my phone rings and its westmoreland pizza hut... apparently not one, but two people called off and matt was all alone in the kitched for lunch..... yes, yes, I went in. So I got to westmoreland at about 10am and worked till 3:45, drove to greengate for 4 and then closed. What a night. We did have fun at greengate tho. The employees at greengate won an award and were spending their money so they pulled me and a server from my store (westmoreland), a cook from greensburg delivery (my home away from my home store) and then a cook and a server from latrobe. It was funny... none of us knew where anything was at... but we made the best of it and had a good time. At least im off tommorow.... lets hope I stay off for tommorow (no one better call off). At least im gonna end up with overtime for all of this.
In other news, I still havent got DirectX 9 installed... its really pissing me off... I downloaded a 200+ meg file in hopes that it would correct my problem... it didnt. And Microsoft still has no information on their knowledge base. Maybe its just high time that I rebuilt my computer. So... much.... work!
Well, Kelli isnt around.... and im running on 4 hours of sleep and an entire day of work so I guess maybe im gonna go to bed early.... real early for me.
Ok, so as is apparent in my last post, I still might hate Microsoft more than VeriSign.... its very close. I, at this point, am extremely frustrated.... and tiff's on my mind alot right now... I keep thinking about her... I still wonder whats about to happen....
I talked to Kelli for a while tonight too. She's still a pretty cool gal to me :)
Well, im going to go to bed. Nite everyone!
I HATE MICROSOFT! You run the installation program for DirectX 9.0b... now the point of an installation program is to copy the freaking files..... you continue through the installation and then it tells you "directx did not copy a required file" ... WTF?!
CRN : Daily Archives : SCO Battle Rooted In Unix History : 1:09 PM EST Fri., Aug. 08, 2003

"Because Linux is replicating Unix...Linux plus fee equals Unix. It sort of begs the question of why don't you just run Unix?" --Darl McBride, CEO of SCO.

What a moron!

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

I think it may have finally happened.... there may just be a company that I hate more than Microsoft... and anyone who knows me knows that, well... you just know. On the 15th VeriSign launched a wildcard DNS "service" that now redirects unregistered domain names to their own "sitefinder" service. This creates many problems and ICANN has reported on these problems and requested that VeriSign suspend the DNS wildcards. Well, the dingbats at VeriSign refused. This is definately going down in history with "braindead company moves." You just dont say no to ICANN. It is ICANN that keeps the internet stable and functioning. *user shakes head*

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I miss tiff!
148, 224, and 184... those were my games tonight. I'm very satisfied. About time I actually start bowling.
Im convinced that no matter what, my life is going to be confusing. Today some VERY promising things happened with Tiff and that, of course, made me very happy. Why is this confusing? Well, I have already begun the job of "looking for someone else" and in that job I have encountered Kelli. She's a very sweet girl and definately someone I'd like to get to know more. Why couldnt things look promising before I started looking. None-the-less, what happens is what happens. I explained to Kelli what was going on.... I dont even know if things would work out that way between me and Kelli... there is potential but Ive only known her like 2 days... so its hard to say. God has been speaking to Tiff... and that really makes me happy.... my concern is that she fully hears God.... when God speaks to her, I think it will answer alot of questions. Maybe Kelli is in my life now to be a very good friend.... which im sure both of us would be content with. We'll see what happens.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Strong Bad Email 85

New Strong Bad email today! :)
Its 5:40am.... wow.... ok so I wasnt going to stay up late tonight.... not at all.... but I met a really awesome girl online tonight. And we talked... and then we talked.... and then we talked some more.... and now neither one of us want to go to bed.... but since I work tommorow Im kinda forced to leave. *sigh* Its really awesome meeting new people... especially when there is a connection like there was tonight... totally awesome.
Tonight at delivery didnt go too bad... I guess once I get to that place I dont mind it so much... but I would so much rather be at my home pizza hut.
I didnt get to talk to Tiff tonight much but I was talking to her through text messaging for a while. I guess there is a little more promising than there was before. God will work it all out. If Im supposed to be with Tiff, it'll happen... if not, someone else will come into my life.... I'm open to either right now.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Broken Toenail - All ur souls r belong to us since 1994: Weird links!
I love it! I just ran across this page on a search for Google. Looks like I'm "striking fear into heathens everywhere". :)
I miss tiff :(
I cant sleep.... been laying in bed for a while but I just keep thinking of Tiffany. I want to be with her so bad right now. I love her sooo much.... I dont want to lose her.
I got a promising email from tiffany tonight. I guess it kinda cheered me up. I still dont know whats best though. I know that tiffany loves me... at least I think she does... I just dont really understand how I should be handling it. I miss her greatly but I really need to know whether she wants to be with me or not... something that she may not even know her self. I'd love to hear "Bob, ive decided that im gonna break it off with Jim"... then I'd know for sure what she wants. As much as I love her and miss her, I just dont know if I should keep going on like this. *sigh* I wish she wanted to be with me... I really do. Well, I guess she might.... lets say I wish she acted upon it. Well, I'm off to bed. I'm gonna actually try and get up for church tommorow... then I have to work at Greensburg Delivery... gosh I hate working at delivery... I really do.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Its now after 5am... yes, im still up but going to bed very shortly.

I dont know what state im in right now. I dont know how I feel... I dont know whats best for me. I find myself trapped in addictions and unable to free myself from anything. I cling to the only thing that I cant have. I have been backsliding. I should be above the circumstances im in, but im not. I havent learned from my previous problems and again, I repeat. I often sit back and wonder when this cycle will be broken and then I start to wonder if it ever will. Stuck in this carnal body hoping that some day soon I will leave and meet my Maker. I give God all the glory for my life. I am happy that I have my life and wouldnt wish my life away. Despite this, I still wish that things were different. In a perfect world I would be serving God and displaying His image everywhere I went. In a perfect world I would have that special girl beside me. Not only would she love me and respect me but I would also respect her; and we would be happy. This, however, is not a perfect world. And I guess that we wouldnt have God's grace if this was. Right now I dont serve God all that I could or should. Right now, that perfect girl is not only not mine but she is in another country. Tonight I was explaining my story to someone and she asked me if someone else came along if I would really want to give up Tiffany. My answer in short was yes. My answer in detail after thinking of it becomes much more complicated. Do I want to give up Tiffany? No. But I often feel as though I am forced (or at least going to be forced) to give her up. I have a constant fear that that day is coming. I used to believe so blindly that Tiffany would one day be mine and everything would be perfect. For such a long time I saw evidence of that... and I guess I still do see evidence. But after such a long time you start to question things. I guess this is my way of dealing with the uncertainty. I have, before, really believed that someone was for me -- and I was wrong. I see now that it was a good thing I was wrong in those instances. Someday though, I'm going to be right. I hope that this time I'm right; but I have to prepare myself for the shock that im not. At any time one of two things could happen. Tiffany could break it off with Jim and commit herself to me or Jim and Tiff could set a date for marriage and the relationship between Tiff and I ends. I have to prepare myself for either of those two. I guess I fear the later for two reasons. The obvious: I dont get to cherrish Tiffany as my bride but the other, well, I lose a good friend. Granted, in so many situations I am still extemely good friends with my ex girlfriends... even ones who severely hurt me. I just dont know if I could continue the relationship between me and tiff without the possibility of marriage. The reason? She is too perfect for me.

"Miss You Like Crazy"

Even though it's been so long
My love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do
A kiss in the rain till the sun shine through
I tried to deny it but I'm still in love with you

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
Ever since you went away
Every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do
There's just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes
And there comes a such a sweet surprise
If seeing's believing it's worth the wait
So hold and tell me it's not too late
We're so good together, we starting forever now


I miss you like crazy
I miss you baby
Love like ours will never end
Just touch me and we're there again

Just one night
And we'll have that magic feeling like we used to do
Hold on tight and whatever comes our way we gonna make it through
It seems believing is worth the wait
So hold and tell me it's not too late
We're so good together, we starting forever now


And I miss you, I missed you
All the tender love you gave me
A feeling gets this strong
You know the real thing's come along
And I miss you

I miss you like crazy baby
Only your sweet love can save me
I miss you like crazy
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and we're there again
I miss you like crazy
I miss you like crazy
No matter what I say or do

--Natalie Cole
Its 3:15 am.... I expect to be up a while longer.

I'm frustrated. I still wish I knew what was going on in tiff's head. I miss her so much but at the same time I wonder if I need to be just growing away from her. She just doesnt seem to want to do enough to keep me. I'm still second best and I dont like that. If she would have just told me she had a boyfriend when I first met her I would have just moved on and wouldnt have had time to get attached. Now I am attached. I guess everything happens for a reason and maybe her and I are supposed to be together.... still, I just wish I had a commitment in my life... whether from her or from someone else. I need that in my life.

Friday, September 19, 2003

I am convinced that even the most sane people become idiots upon one of the following two events happening. a) they get behind the wheel of a car b) they pick up the phone to order a pizza. If you are unsure of either of these, either take a trip to your local mall or come work with me for a day. You will then fully understand my statement.
I want a girlfriend *sigh*

Well, I guess I miss the hurricane... at least I think I missed it... maybe it missed us. Either way, when I got up it was just raining.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

To go to bed, or not to go to bed -- that is the question. I really should go to bed so I can get up early and talk to tiff online... but if I go to bed now I will completely sleep through all of tropical storm isabela (is that how you spell it?). Anyway, I dont know what to do. I really would like to stay up and watch all the fun outside but im kinda tired. Who knows?
I did get to talk to tiff today... it was really nice. I miss her alot. At the same time, im happy to be meeting some new people. Maybe one of those new people will become the one for me... maybe not... maybe tiff will remain. I dont know what I hope for... I just hope God reveals to me whats going on soon. The uncertainty is really hard right now. Well, I think I am gonna go to bed. Good night.

"All The Things She Said"

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
This is not enough

All the things she said
All the things she said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

Just got word from PayPal that it will not accept transfers from my NetBank account. You would think an internet bank would work perfectly with an internet company. Now I'm not a verified member of PayPal and my PayPal debit card is practically useless. Argh! Thats my gripe of the moment. Anyway, its 3:45am and, well... im actually going to go to bed.
I have a confession to make.... I lied :) I'm still awake and its 1:30am. I just cant shake this thing they call the internet.... maybe DSL wasnt such a good idea? hehe Well a neat thing happened tonight.... I got a match! Ok, so part of my internet addiction is hotornot.com .... I have spent an hour straight just rating pictures... and then of course I had to sign up to meet people and then I matched with a REALLY cute girl... ok, I matched with a few cute girls but this one really stood out because her profile just... I dunno she just really struck me... and one of her keywords was "christian" so thats good... and shes from around pittsburgh and how sad am I that im rambling about someone I havent even talked to yet . I guess we'll see what happens... i'll jsut sit here and wait for an email :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I think I might actually head to bed early tonight instead of supporting my addiction to the internet and staying up till 5am. Who knows?
Today was a pretty good day. Days off of work at like that :) and today was extra special because I got to talk to Tiff. I am reminded again how much I love her. Yesterday at work monica asked "is your girlfriend back yet?" She didnt realize that Tiff had just now left for liverpool. After I told her that she just left I began my ever-so-popular story of how tiff is not my girlfriend. Monica simply looked at me and said "she will be" and then explained the absence makes the heart grow fonder story. I hope that she is right. But this is all left up in the air. Its hard to say what is coming in the next few months let alone the next year. I really wish that tiff was around though. She has been on my mind all night. I love her -- that is the bottom line of this blog.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Its almost 4am and Im running out of things to do on the net. I guess I might as well just send myself to bed. A few thoughts though:

RIAA: They suck. Its crazy that they are suing 12 year old girls over the swapping of music. Granted, copyright laws need to be enforced but the music industry is not giving consumers an option. They should be embracing this technology and trying to find ways to make money off of it rather than trying to stop it. The technology is here. No matter how hard they try they are not going to be able to stop it. Why not charge $5 a month for a file swapping blanket license and actually give the artists royalties. I think that the RIAA's actions have given me reason not to purchase any more CDs. They dont deserve the money.

SCO: I may not be too well versed on this subject but I think that SCO is trying to cheat their way into profit. In case you dont know, they are suing IBM and other Linux companies because they claim that Unix System 5 code is contained in the Linux 2.4 kernel. For one, SCO just recently received the rights to UNIX, which was first developed (to my knowledge) by AT&T. They simply do not know the history of what they are dealing with. Secondly, they have yet to show code that is in violation. The open source community has the power to fix these problems if only SCO would allow them. They have yet to produce code and when IBM and SGI requested to see the code, SCO told them they were required to sign non-disclosure agreements. This is insane. If their code was violated and entered into the open source community, then that nullifies the need for a NDA. What is there left to protect if this code has in fact been violated? To my knowledge IBM has not signed this. In response, IBM is suing SCO over patent infringements. Come on SCO.... why mess with IBM? Big Blue can make your life a living hell and they probably will. SCO has nothing to gain in this lawsuit. Even if they win they will only kill Linux and allow the open source community to start something else. The image of SCO has been damaged and I doubt they will be able to gain that back.

Last but not least, the ramblings of my head. I really miss Tiffany right now. I know in my last few posts I have wrote some things that may really cause you to question how I feel about her. Maybe I am questioning it myself.... and most of what I said is truly what I feel.... but I really do miss her and I want nothing more than to hold her right now. I hope she is having a fun and safe trip and that her semester goes well. I love you, tiff! I really do.

Monday, September 15, 2003

117, 134, 150 -- those were my games tonight. *sigh* I really suck this year so far. At least my team won all 7 points.
There's too much on my mind. I continually think of me and Tiff and analyze the situation.... maybe her going to livepool is designed for us to drift apart. I dont know what to make out of the situation.... thats not what I want but I guess maybe im coming to some realizations that I never did before. Truth is, right now I want to spend my life with her but im realizing that that may not be what she wants. True it SEEMS like thats what she wants but maybe she is just putting on a show like everyone tells me. Its really hard to believe in something that you have no evidence of. I guess we'll see how she handles being gone... I just wish someone special would come into my life that isnt engaged. I want so badly to have a commitment and it just isnt coming from tiff. *sigh* I dont know what to think anymore. Does she really love me? Is she really going to miss me? I just dont know. Who knows... maybe her being gone will actually make us get closer together. Either way she is going to have to make a decission. I'm trying to be paitient but its hard.
Another thing thats been on my mind. Every now and then I feel a strong call to ministry and then it dissappears. God has something special planned for me but I dont know what it is. Google has some serious job offerings and I would absolutely love to work for them. I'm debating putting in a resume and seeing what happens. If I do that tho, am I just pushing away the call for ministry again if I get and take a job with Google? Maybe it would be great to just get a good job with Google, move to CA and start my life over again. I dont know.
No new strong bad email today.... just a teen girl squad update. But its ok because my strong bad t shirt came in today. I got called into work today but only worked a 3 1/2 hour shift.... nothing too bad. Depressing day though because Tiff is leaving... well, by now she's already on her way to liverpool. I dont know whats been going on with me. Tiff says shes gonna miss me so much while she is gone... I know im gonna miss her a ton but I just question just how much she is gonna miss me. I mean, she does have Jim and everything... isnt she going to miss him more than me? Im still just second best. I love her to death... and I know that she loves me.... but to what extent. She knows that we're perfect for each other.... I sometimes wish I could just see into her mind... then I would know whether I should keep things the way they are or just totally move on. I'm still open to other girls.... they just arent coming my way. There is so much uncertainty and I guess that is what bugs me. If things were... well, if there was a commitment. Gosh dangit.... my life is one step away from being perfect.... but it just isnt happening. And how wrong am I for even being in Tiff's life.... I mean, she's engaged.... and apparently that means more to her than I do so why AM I hanging around? Something still tells me I need to hold on.... I guess thats where my heart is.... I'll just keep hoping. What God works out is what happens. I just hope that Tiff knows that at any moment someone else could walk into my life and then things would drastically change between me and her. I mean, if secretly she does totally want to be with me but she just doesnt want to act on it now.... well, it could just be all screwed up.... right now she could have me at any moment.... but it might not be like that in the future..... she has the danger of losing me all together.... it could happen tonight. Well I'm gonna go eat and then head out to bowling.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Well I blew off church again.... I dont really even know why. I havent been to church in a long time. Its not that I'm mad at God or anything like that, I just dont have any motivation to go. I really need to get that under control and force myself to go.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

I dont know whats wrong with me tonight. I guess im kinda down. I wish I had a commitment in my life. I crave so badly having that one special girl in my life and it just never seems to work out for me. Its always one thing after another. I want so badly to get married and start a family but it just seems that that is never going to happen. I'm tired of being alone. I want someone. Im talking to tiff online right now and im not even... well, im just not there. I often wonder if id be better off just letting it all go. I dont feel like im locked down.... heck, many times I just hope and wish and pray that someone comes into my life so that I can move on. I love tiff, yes, but I just need someone who really truly wants me. I wish she could be that one but it just doesnt seem like she wants to be that one. I dunno. I just really wish that I had a commitment to someone.... something that was more solid.
I saw my ex girlfriend tonight at work. I forgot how cute she was. We were talking for a while and I started to wonder why I ever broke up with her. Things were great and in all honesty, out of all the girlfriends Ive had, she was the only one that cared for me with an extreme intensity. I guess everything happens for a reason so who knows. It was really nice to see her again.
Well it wasnt a bad night at work. Came home and then watched Phone Booth.... not a bad movie.... I think it fit more of a comedy classification than anything.... there was some good suspense too. The highlight of my day, however, was finding that there is a museum on the homestarrunner.com site.... It was kinda cool looking at how homestar started. Did you know it was a kids book first? Nothing else new... i should now go to bed since I work in the afternoon tommorow.... good night

Friday, September 12, 2003

I ate no mroe than a couple hours ago and im hungry again already. Sometimes I wonder whats going on with my appetite.
Did you ever just get the feeling that you needed something really exciting to happen to boost things. I'm ok but im kinda just sick of the same old stuff. I dont really do too much... I go to lunch with jim and jason and I work.... thats about the extent of my life. I just wish something cool and exciting would happen. Hopefully work goes well tonight. Maybe something fun will happen there. I'll probably post something else after work... hopefully tiff will be online too.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Anyone want a job? Apply at 1079 E Pittsburgh St. - Greensburg, PA. Mention this blog and... well, we'll hire you. I still sometimes sit back and wonder why I am still at pizza hut.... or why no matter what I always end up back at Pizza Hut. Everyone tells me I have more potential than that and I know I do. I could be in the tech industry probably making more money.... but thats not what I want out of life. I love computers... I love working with them, but I dont want to do it professionally.... I want it to remain a hobby. I'm perfectly content at Pizza Hut right now. It is paying the bills and I dont mind going to work. Why should I struggle for "more" .... I'm content where I am. Yes, I do question alot.... I mean... Pizza Hut does not pay alot by far... I make as much as a manager as someone at some other food place makes in an entry level position... but Pizza Hut is part of my life... I enjoy it. *sigh* Maybe others will start to understand. God has a direction for my life... right now I feel like Pizza Hut is where I need to be.... I dont know why... I just really feel good about staying at Pizza Hut.
It really seems as though the new medicine is working. I'm sad about things such as tiff leaving but im not depressed.... I dont want to die.... I want to see what is coming my way in life. It feels really good to be able to wake up in the morning and actually go to lunch with jim and jason and to actually live my life more than just at work. It looks like Lithium and Prozac is the best solution for me.... lets hope it keeps working. We'll have to see what happens once I come off of the Periactin.... Im on that for the withdrawl symptons I was having from the effexor. I think I'll be ok. Only time will tell tho.

Last night I had a crazy dream. I dreamt that I was in prison.... I dont remember what for but I remember that it was something stupid that people just dont go to prison for. Tiff was visiting with me and we were talking. It actually felt good. I dont want this to be a "how-much-I-miss-tiff-log" but I guess that thats whats on my mind alot. I know that any day now another amazing girl could walk into my life and that things would be great that way. It is tough being in the position that im in but, well.... im doing ok. Right now I know that I love tiff.... and I know that she loves me. If its meant to be, her and Jim will drift apart and the answers will be clear.... if not, some day an amazing girl is going to walk into my life and things will be perfect -- although I cant imagine someone more perfect for me than tiff. Only time will tell. I'm excited to see what happens.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Well, I finally set up a blog for myself. Who knows how often I'll update it. We'll see what happens.

Today was a very happy yet very sad day. Tiff came down for the day and we had a great time together but its the last time I'll see her until next year. I wish I had the money to fly over and visit her in Liverpool, but I guess I'll just have to settle for emails and phone calls. I'm gonna miss her while she is gone.