Monday, September 29, 2003

169, 178, 151 -- those were my games tonight. Our team won 2 of the 7 points. Im satisfied with my bowling but as a team we had a really rough night. The lanes were really dry.
Today was an interesting day.... things between me and Tiff are interesting. Im really tired of this entire situation. I love Tiff to death and everything but I just cant be in this position anymore. She says that she wants to be with me... but I see no evidence of that... She believes that I'm her soulmate but she doesnt believe that that means that shes meant to be with me. As for me, I dont know what to think... a month ago I would have swore to you that Tiff was my soulmate but now I just dont know what to think... and then to top it all off after she tells me something she gets all paranoid and now im affraid that she's just not going to tell me stuff anymore. She wants to talk face to face but that just cant be right now.... if we dont talk online, we dont talk at all. She said that she has the feeling that she is replacable in my life... I dont know what to think... no she's not... but then again, where is that going to be in a few weeks. The truth is that if I meet someone else and we really hit it off, maybe that new person will be my soulmate and that then means that Tiff is not. If Tiff is not my soulmate, is she replacable? Well, I guess ultimately yes. I dont want it to be that way... and I dont know if she truly understands that but I just cant be in this "stringing-me-on" position. Whether that is her intention or not, thats whats happening. She says she's praying really hard.... I guess what I need to do is start agressively looking for another girl.... if Tiff and I are meant to be, God will answer her before I find someone.... and if God does answer her and she ignores it, well then, its her own fault... I think God has answered her but she's just waiting for something to magically happen to make this easy on her.... and it just might not happen. We're reading about moses now in our devotions... God promised the israelites freedom from egypt but it got harder and they had to work more before they were set free.... thats where we're at. I think God has answered but its going to take effort before its complete... and unfortunately it's out of my hands.... Tiff is the one who has to stand up and make it happen.... if she doesnt do it, then Im sure God will bless me with someone else. I just have to focus on God right now... I need to get my life in order... God will give me someone... whether it's Tiff or not. I dont have to worry.
Well, I have to get up early tommorow to go into the doctors to get blood work done (yea!)... I hate needles... but anyway, I'm going to bed. Please pray for me... I could really use it right now.

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