Monday, September 15, 2003

No new strong bad email today.... just a teen girl squad update. But its ok because my strong bad t shirt came in today. I got called into work today but only worked a 3 1/2 hour shift.... nothing too bad. Depressing day though because Tiff is leaving... well, by now she's already on her way to liverpool. I dont know whats been going on with me. Tiff says shes gonna miss me so much while she is gone... I know im gonna miss her a ton but I just question just how much she is gonna miss me. I mean, she does have Jim and everything... isnt she going to miss him more than me? Im still just second best. I love her to death... and I know that she loves me.... but to what extent. She knows that we're perfect for each other.... I sometimes wish I could just see into her mind... then I would know whether I should keep things the way they are or just totally move on. I'm still open to other girls.... they just arent coming my way. There is so much uncertainty and I guess that is what bugs me. If things were... well, if there was a commitment. Gosh dangit.... my life is one step away from being perfect.... but it just isnt happening. And how wrong am I for even being in Tiff's life.... I mean, she's engaged.... and apparently that means more to her than I do so why AM I hanging around? Something still tells me I need to hold on.... I guess thats where my heart is.... I'll just keep hoping. What God works out is what happens. I just hope that Tiff knows that at any moment someone else could walk into my life and then things would drastically change between me and her. I mean, if secretly she does totally want to be with me but she just doesnt want to act on it now.... well, it could just be all screwed up.... right now she could have me at any moment.... but it might not be like that in the future..... she has the danger of losing me all together.... it could happen tonight. Well I'm gonna go eat and then head out to bowling.

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