Im starting to think the solution for me is to just forget about hope. I can totally get rid of hoping for something and then all of a sudden I have a glimpse of something to hope for.... so then I think maybe something good might just be coming my way..... maybe my hopes are only up slightly, but they are still up.... and of course they are shattered..... If I just quit looking forward to anything at all then maybe I'll be alot better.... but then what do I have to live for? Well, I guess thats a question that I never seem to be able to fully answer. *sigh*