Thank you to so many people around me.... for the first time in over a year I had a panic attack. I just cant thank everyone enough for dumping so much on me at one time.
The human mind can only take so much..... I am so close to that point it's not even funny. No one knows half the crap that I am dealing with and how much it is affecting me. First of all, I am only one person... I can not be everywhere and once and help everyone out at the drop of a hat... secondly, I make mistakes and just like everyone else, I need to be forgiven of those. Third... I need to know people care about me. I can not just assume that someone cares anymore because I have been betrayed way too much. Fourth, I need to be treated like others.... no special rules for me. Fifth, I need prayer more than I need advice right now. I have been hurt way too much by advice given to me and this probably means that I am going to make mistakes that I shouldnt have to... point is, I need to make them. I cant learn by what everyone else sees... I need to follow my heart. Sixth... if you hurt me... APOLOGIZE. I will never assume that you are sorry.... if you are, tell me... if your not.. just let it go and I will file it appropriately. No one can understand how much the words "I'm sorry" mean to me.
If you care about me... just show it. I have spent so much time caring about people and looking out for them only to be shot in the back. I cant take it any longer. If you care about me, you will know how to show it. If you dont care about me, get out of my life and quit pretending that you do.
Next time you see me and I am carrying my bottle of Xanax with me, just take a second to think if it was you..... because there is more than one person that has hurt me in the last week.