Sunday, August 08, 2004

So after that last post I went into a panic attack. Its STARTING to calm down but my chest still hurts so its not over... Then just a few mins ago, the speaker stressed how important praying together with some one was. I just want to cry. No one is talking to me... Especially the ones I really want to talk to.... I'm Trying to talk to them but they just don't seem to care. I need someone.... I need Jesus first and then I need that really special girl... I just hope that we can grow together..... Please Lord ... Bring her soon.


Anonymous said...

You know Bobby, I really liked you and thought you was a really nice guy. I still have no bad feelings toward you. The only thing that I need to say is I think it's time to take charge of your own life and quit waiting for someone else to take charge of your happiness. Only you can make yourself happy. You can't rely on someone else to make you happy. If you have all these problems you say your having don't you think it's time to go to counceling or something to get your life back into your control. Only you can help yourself. I have problems to and I am not perfect. I have made so many mistakes in my life but I try to pick myself up each time and move on in my life. You need to do this to. Stay away from Tiff and Tanya or any other girl for that matter, and find out what you want out of life. You can't be happy with another person untill you can be happy and ok with yourself. Also not to be mean but I fell the need to say this to you. It's time to grow up and quit whining about you and start taking charge of your own life. You are making your own life the miserable wreck it is. Only you can pull yourself out of this and get back on your feet. If you feel God is the answer then by all means read your bible and go to church but don't try to find a girl to help you solve all you problems. You and only you can pull yourself out of this. I think you need counceling to because I know first hand that sometimes you need a professional to help you work through things. So what I am saying to you is pick yourself up, get your life together and find out who you are and what you want out of life. Then when you have your life where you are happy with it, then start looking for someone to share it with you. My favorite quote is "IF YOU ALWAY'S DO WHAT YOU ALWAY'S DID, THEN YOU'LL ALWAY'S GET WHAT YOU ALWAY'S GOT". Think about it. And I really do like you for the person you are. You just need to get a handle on your life and what you want out of it. OH, and by the way this is Patti. Just so you know who wrote this.

Bob K Mertz said...

I am working on getting help.... I am working on getting back to the church and stuff. I am working on figuring out what I need out of life..... I'm just still very hurt by everything that has happened to me. My blog is my place to vent. My blog is the ONLY place that I think about me.... Usually I just hide how I'm feeling so that I dont bring anyone else down. I like when people read my blog that really care about me.... the ones who really want to know about ME and about how *I* am feeling. For a moment I realized that maybe I should just quit blogging.... that way no one knows how I feel and I cant be criticized. Not that I disagree with what was said.... its just that this is how I sort things out for my self and how I vent. I'm hurting right now.... I miss Tanya dearly... I miss Eli dearly.... I knew that I couldnt keep going the way I was because there were going to be issues. I still love her very much.... and if I didnt love her as much as I did I would have stayed with her just to keep myself in a happy little world.... but that wouldnt be fair... and I love her enough to not put her through that. But this is culture shock to me. I am a very emotional person and the truth is, I have no person to rely on. This blog is my diary... its online because if anyone gives a shit about me, they can read it.... often I feel that no one does... but maybe thats just me. There are things going on in my own family that NO ONE knows about... and I'm not going to post them here for the sake of my family. There are things that are very heavily getting to me.... its not just the being single thing... in fact, thats probably the least of it right now.... its other issues going on that .... well, ive really said enough. I respect what you said... and I dont disagree.... and I will never have anything against you. I just need this blog to vent... and just because I say something is wrong does not mean that behind the scenes I am working to fix that. There are things that I miss.... things that I will find again when the time is right.... I've been down this road before and I will get through it again... I will be talking to my doctor this week... I know things will get better... I just need to vent.... really badly.... this is the only way I keep from blowing up...... maybe it means I'm pathetic, I dont know.... but im trying to take care of myself and maybe that is why this blog sounds like whining sometimes.