I have some serious issues.... and I am not officially saying that and crying out for as much help as possible.

Fifteen mins ago I wanted to kill someone.... I didnt want to die myself... I want to physically harm someone else.... and it wasnt neccesarily one person ... I was just angry at the world.....

This came after cussing tiff out for no apparent reason... she didnt even say anything to me... I just started cussing her out.... then I called her crying....

I caught myself at one point and took my xanax... thats not even what xanax was for but knowing enough about it, it was possible so I took it... it helped... and so I am able to sanely right this blog.

I am still shaking quite a bit... This isnt me.... Im scared to death... I am really really scared. My thoughts were WAY too real 15-20 mins ago.... and I had no one to talk to.... maybe thats why I called tiff crying.... I really dont know what happened.... im just scared.... there is really something wrong wtih me.... Ive never had this... this cant be depression... if its bipolar ive never swung toward mania like this... I dont know if its still meds screwed up in my body... I wish to God I could see my doctor before the 13th... Im affraid im going to end up in the hospital... or worse. Im screwing stuff up.... with my relationships... with tiff as well as everyone else. Im out of control... and no one around me is taking me seriously... I should be watched... but im not...

Just pray.. please... PLEASE.....