Monday, August 30, 2004

Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2004 17:20:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Stephen McGuire <-------@------------>
To: Bob K Mertz <----@------------>
Reply-to: -------@------------
Subject: Blog...
Saw this in the blog and had to respond:
I so freaking want to go crawl in a hole and freaking die. I'm sick of
people around me... they are here for one purpose... to piss me off! I
want to die... and I want Tiff to pull the trigger so I can at least
give her some satisfaction.

What is it about Tiff that you can't let go of? You seem pissed that
she is able to walk away and yet even when you say to her in chat that
you're done you still continue with it. Do you mean what you say or
just say it to be mean?

I love ya bud but your not making sense.

I wanted to post this in my blog with Steve's permission.
Do I mean what I say or just say it to be mean? Probably more of the later... the thing that I dont understand is why I do it. Truth is I dont want to be mean to Tiff. I still love Tiff from the bottom of my heart. I am frustrated in that situation but I have been before. And the horrible thing is Im making Tiff out to be a monster.... even though she isnt. And why am I? I dont know.

What kills me the most? Tiff cares about me and I dont want to admit it. Yes, she hurt me really bad..... and I feel alot of that pain but as much as I bad mouth her I know she still does care about me. Issues at hand are she is EXTREMELY confused and I am EXTREMELY messed up in the head.

Im scared... but I do realize that I am not making any sense... I cant right now. One min im in a very happy mood, the next I wanna punch stuff. Im sorry... I cant make sense....

.... and I said it once in this blog... this is a fountain for my mind.... its spilling my thoughts and right now, all of those messed up thoughts... they will be in here. I really need you to understand that..... understand that... but please dont try to understand my depression/bipolar/panic/etc .... unless you've experienced it yourself.

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