I need to somehow just get out of this area for a day... but it doesnt seem that anything is working out. So right now it looks like I'm stuck in NoVA -- which is great because the people that live around her have such a great way of making you feel better (sarcasticly said).

You know what I really want? I really want someone to make a radical step for me... it can be anything. I just want to know that I'm worth it to someone... I want to know that I'm worth fighting for... worth changing plans for... I wanna know that I'm worth loving -- and all that 1 Corinthians 13 says that it is. It's really hard knowing that I'm only worth something to someone as long as they dont have to work for it. The line from Dan Smith's song "At this moment" keeps ringing through my head: "You're my soulmate, unless this takes work" .... Why am I not worth working for?

Not being loved is very painful ... knowing that your not worth loving is a lot worse.