Ok... feeling that tough emotional pain again.
There is something weird about human emotion and this is actually backed by some things I learned in psychology. Before I actually met Kim, I knew that she was something special. We had communicated a while before we met and by time the day came to meet her, my stomach was full of butterflies. I was so excited to meet the girl of my dreams. Now, I go through the day and often I picture her face and my heart jumps and I feel the same physical feeling -- but this time, its painful. Only the context of the situation changes whether it's a good or bad feeling.
Emotion is such a powerful thing. It affects us so much physically when we feel something very strong emotionally. We can be really excited and our body is able to function normally -- or even better than normal. But emotional pain really hammers our physical bodies. In the last few days I have been plagued with more sinus problems and alot of headaches and other very painful physical things -- so much that I've already run to the bathroom thinking that I was going to throw up. Emotional pain kills our bodies. To me, it is amazing how closely the emotional body and the physical body associate with each other.
While I know there is hope and I know that it gets better, I'm sure that I will frequently see Kim's face in my mind and I will remember the short time we had together and then, depending on where I am, I'm sure I'll shed some tears. I'm sure for the next few nights I'll cry myself to sleep each night and I will wake up the next day to start a new day... each day getting closer to that emotional healing that I need. Someday soon everything will be ok...
Please continue to keep me in your prayers. This emotional pain really is more than I ever experienced. I know I have grown because previous times I was simply not even able to function. If I compare this emotional pain to any that I have experienced before, this is by far the worst. There is no doubt about that. The fact that I am able to function in my daily life is nothing less than a miracle. Despite that emotional pain, it is encouraging to know that I have grown.
Someday... Someday soon... I'll find her or she'll find me... or maybe even someone I knew will come back to me. It's all in God's Hands.