One of the hardest things to do is to find your place. To find where you fit in -- or to find what purpose your life serves. When dealing with all of that we have to deal with people suggesting things to us and we hear so many different things that we allow ourselves to become confused.
This isnt a new thing. It's actually exactly what Job went through in the Bible. Job went through more than most of us could even imagine. His life was destroyed and not only that but it was destroyed because God let it happen. Ultimately, it was all for the Glory and it was all worth it but that didnt take the pain away. Job frequently questioned God and asked Him why things were the way they were and the Bible specifically says that Job did not sin in doing this. In amongst all of this mess were his friends who knew what was best for him.... but did they really?
After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, "I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has." So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job's prayer. -- Job 41:7-9
Sometimes what people say need to be taken with a grain of salt. In many cases, they say what they say because they care about you. It's sometimes a hard concept to grasp because of the emotional pain you may be in.
God never told anyone that it was going to be easy but He did tell us that it was going to be worth it. I'm 26 years old and I still dont know what I'm doing with my life. So many times I want to be frustrated but I need to try to realize that I am where God wants me for this time. I also need to realize that He may move me next month.... I don't know what God is doing but it's better that I dont because I have that horrible habit of getting in the way.
Not knowing is such a struggle for me. The end of this month I am supposed to be going on vacation and I still have no plans for it... and in fact, its not looking good.... but I just wish I knew what to plan for. I wish I knew who was in my life and who I could count on -- but I dont. The only Person I can count on is God and as much as I try to make it seem like it's not, that is enough. It's hard when people let me down and it always seems that they do. It's hard for anyone. I dont understand why I feel so alone or why it seems like every human on earth just gives up on me. While I know it's not true, I can't help but feeling like I am worthless. You can ask me why I feel worthless when I know its not true but that really doesnt deserve an answer. It's like telling a guy that has just been kicked in the nuts "You're fine and you'll be better in a bit" .... Sure, he may be fine in a bit but that sure as hell isnt going to stop the pain he feels at that point.
People interpret my struggles and my words in different ways than I actually feel them. It may be hard to deal with people not understanding me but I have to realize that God's Glory is in all of this and that somehow, someway, things will be better. Some day I will find that girl that will never give up on me but even when I find "the one" I can't expect her to never give up on me -- I can only let her not.
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