So I have really been thinking about something today..... sacrifices.
I still miss Kim but there is one thing that I realized that she impacted my life with and she couldnt have done it if we were still together. Actually, it was her breaking up with me that really showed me something. Kim was faced with a choice that no one ever wants to have to make. She was basically forced to pick either me or her family and it was a very tough decission for her to make. Kim had to decide whether she wanted to pursue a relationship with me and have her family turn their backs on her or she had to break up with me to keep the peace in her family.
So what stands out so much to me regarding this? Well, quite honestly, its that she made the decission. Its no secret that when you hide the truth or deny the truth, you are going to hurt people. Even if it is with good intentions, your going to ultimately hurt someone. Sure, it hurt to have Kim break up with me but it would have hurt ALOT more if she didnt. She had to make a sacrifice and she realized that and she didnt waste time in making it and hurting everyone along the way. I am so incredibly proud of her for that.
It's pretty interesting how I feel right now. If Kim called me next week and said that she wanted to pursue a relationship with me again, I would be able to 100% trust her and we would work together for that. Of course, thats probably not going to happen but boy do I wish it would. The honest truth is that if that scenario would happen, I know that I could love Kim just as much as I always did and I know for a fact that our relationship would be even better. The reason is because I saw her take life by the horns and do what she had to do. She broke up with me and did what she knew would really hurt me because she knew that honesty is more important than anything else. At this point I know that if Kim and I ever got back in touch with each other I will have already seen her take a huge leap and do something beacuse it was the right thing.
It sucks when we are put in situations where we have to give something up that means alot to us. When your family is giving you a hard time to go one direction, it makes it even harder. I mean, alot of people could say that Kim should never have been faced with a choice like that -- but it doesnt matter. The fact was she was faced with that choice to make may be right or wrong and it may have been put there because of someone else's not understanding what was going on -- but again, that doesnt matter.
Life is not about what choices are thrown at us or what situations we are faced with... its about how we handle them. If we are forced to make a sacrifice, we have to make it.... and sometimes we have to decide what to sacrifice. It becomes even worse when you are faced with the decission of sacrificing a relationship with a human (friend, family, etc) or another human. When we deeply care about both its hard because we know that the decission we make is going to hurt us and its going to hurt the other person as well.... but just because we dont like it doesnt mean we can not take action. If we try to pretend that its not there and we put it off and put it off, then we end up hurting EVERYONE involved and we end up hurting them even more. We should always be honest with everyone, including ourselves.
This all kind of reminds me of some interviews that I have gone through with some big companies. At the very beginning there is a requirement that you sign a full disclosure agreement. This means that when you enter into a working relationship with that company, you are required to fully disclose anything that you have done related to your job. This is important on so many levels. Obviously, there are various legal reasons why this is important but it also has other meanings as well. If there is any sign of possible dishonesty, it's going to raise questions. You may not want to tell your new employer about the job you did that directly competes with your new company but sometimes its just a matter of letting them know and everything is just fine. When you make disclosures that you have reason to be affraid of disclosing, then your employer knows that you are honest -- and you also take a WHOLE lot of stress off of yourself. When you have to hold lie upon lie on your back, you get closer and closer to just collpasing. I guess this is why God told us how much honesty is important.
A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful. -- Proverbs 14:25
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free -- John 8:32
I could really list hundreds and hundres more. Truth is very important. There is a Scripture that I think is really relevant to this situation.
But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." -- Mark 5:32-34
Jesus knew that someone had touched Him and he was searching for that person. The woman that did it was so incredibly scared that she was hiding from Him. She was affraid that she might be punished... she was affraid of alot. But what did Jesus do in the end? Jesus healed her! It was the truth that needed to be told before she could feel relief from what she was dealing with. Sometimes you dont know how much disclosing the truth to someone, even tho you are affraid, might make the situation so much better. We all make mistakes and anyone that doesnt expect someone to make a mistake is unrealistic. But imagine being able to hear the truth about something horrible? It may not always happen, but I think when you hit the position where you tell the truth about something you did that was dishonest, you end up gaining ALOT more trust than you ever had in the first place. Maybe you've continually screwed up and continually denied the truth.... being able to take one step and tell the truth all of a sudden can really help people see something honest -- even if what your telling them was a horrible thing. The alternative is to deny it to them and to yourself and try to live your life like the problem isnt there.... If you do the later, I dont imagine you are going to be able to take it much longer.... all the lies you're holding will make you collapse. You can try to start blaming everyone else for doing wrong to you but all your doing is piling more on top of yourself. Even if we need to work towards gaining trust back from a whole lot.... we need to start unloading demons. More importantly, we really need to not let it appear that we are hiding something. Just because we arent doing something wrong, doesnt mean it doesnt look like we're doing something wrong. If its something that your not doing wrong but you think someone might think its wrong -- then make it their problem. You can live in not letting them know and having that pressure on you or you can tell them the truth and if they get mad at you and you really believe it wasnt wrong, then the problem is theirs and not yours.
Sacrifices suck, no doubt. The thing is they are a part of life and they are something that we must deal with and be honest about. People are going to get hurt and sometimes, we just can't help it. The choice we have to make, we have to make. The longer we wait, the harder it is for everyone -- and the more it destroys us. We need to live our lives so that we can be trusted and alot of times we gain trust by showing the reasons someone has to distrust us. Let's just disclose everything and take the pressure off of ourselves.