Its really hard sometimes when you are affraid of something... and its even worse when you're not even sure what it is.

I am no one special... I am just someone who is trying my best to follow God... I am someone that God just recently got a hold of... Quite honestly -- satan is pissed.

I have never really realized how comforting Scripture can be when you are in scenarios that you are not comfortable with. God really changed me a few weeks ago. I always knew that He would get a hold of me "just in time" and I realize that that is exactly what He did. In the last week I have had the burden of more emotional pain that I have ever felt in my life.... and if God hadnt changed my life I dont know that I would have made it. Maybe I cry myself to sleep from this emotional pain but I get up the next day and smile and get excited about what God is going to do in that day. I remember that Scriptures God has layed on my heart... and I go through my day doing the best at everything that I can do.

So far, I've made it. I'm still holding God's Hands... and I need Him... I realize that more than I ever did before. I realize that God is about to do something because I see the pain that is occuring in people's lives around me. Satan is really unhappy about what is going on and he is stopping at nothing to make it stop....

Today I just talked to my dad and he was telling me about my sister. I realize things weren't too good with her eyes but I didnt realize they were as bad as they were. My dad has to take her to UPMC in Pittsburgh virtually every day and she has to put drops in her eyes every 30 mins. Quite honestly, I dont think anyone knows what to expect but it's my understanding that this is very serious. She has ulcers growing in her eyes.... I've never heard of it before and I hope I never hear of it again.

You hear stories of the mob going after someone's family because it's more torture than actually hurting them. My parent's car is broke down.... I really havent talked to them much recently but I can tell that things are not going very well up in PA... and part of me has to wonder why. Is satan trying to get to me through my family? I thank God that I have a Christian family because I know that God is faithful to protect us all. This isnt easy on me... it's not easy on anyone around me... but something amazing is going to happen! In 1985 I remember the pain on my family (even tho I was 5) when my dad had his motorcycle wreck and was given 10% chance of living. God really produced a miracle.... in some ways, I wonder if the rest of my family has forgot how good God has been to us all.... I know it's something that I'm just beginning to realize all over again.

If the solution to my family's problems going away is me falling back into sin, then I have to tell my family sorry and give them all the prayers that I have in me. I remember so many stories of spiritual warfare that occured in my family... I remember my mom having dreams and fighting for my aunt.... I remember these things so well and I dont know why. I've seen struggles in my family many times.... I've seen burdens placed on my family that were not fair in the least bit. Why do bad things happen to good people? I think the more important question is what God is preparing for good people.

God is faithful and He is just. He has incredible things planned for all of His people..... Let's all be strong and wait upon the Lord. We have that promise in Isaiah 40:31. Let's wait and our stregth will be renewed!