Tuesday, September 19, 2006


That pretty much sums up everything right now. First of all, the Steelers lost so thats pretty upsetting....

But the bigger issue is I'm an emotionally confused person again.... someone who feels like he has no strength left. I cant understand how God can use me.... or even if He does use me.... I'm such a messed up person. I've been here before.... just so numb that I dont care anymore... I dont care about fighting for what is best... I dont feel like fighting temptation... I just dont feel like doing anything.

Why do I let myself get to this point? More so, why do I let the stupid things that other people do push me ever faster to this point? Why can I not just accept the fact that I can't help everyone and just move on?

I somehow need to turn this around. I started to learn to surf.... I need to push forward and keep learning. The problem is that the crashing and burning that I've been doing is starting to hurt and to wear me out. How do I handle that?

I'm learning something, I'm sure.... I just don't understand what. God has some kind of crazy curriculum and I know that what is happening is in my best interest. I'll learn to surf.... but its such a hard thing to learn.

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