Kim and I have been recently talking alot about the difference between credit/fame and appriciation. And man did it really hit me today how much a reality that is.

I'm not out to get credit or to be known as this great person because I really truly am no different than any other person.... I dont deserve credit.... but what I really need is appriciation. As long as I am appriciated, I am happy. And I think that this was a big thing that took a role in the Carpathia thing.... I never really felt appriciated.... but now that I work under Scotty, I do feel that way. Just saying thanks or "hey that was really good" or whatever is enough to keep me going.... its needed. I want to help people and I want to make an impact and when I know I am appriciated, I know that I am doing my job.

So it starts out basically this way.... today there was some of the "do this, do that" thing that always goes on when I'm up here in PA. I hate it. I do have to say tho, I am very thankful that it wasnt as bad as it usually is.... but when I'm up here in PA, this is supposed to be a break for me.... but just laying on the couch is impossible because I cant go more than a half hour without someone saying "could you do this _____ (fill in the blank)" ... its horrible.... but the thing that makes it so bad isnt helping someone out.... its the fact that its not really appriciated. If I'm here, this is expected of me.... but last I checked, I dont live here..... Dont get me wrong... I love being here and seeing my family and stuff, but the reality is, I'm not an official part of the household even tho I am still very much a part of the family.... Caring about your family and doing stuff for them is important and should never change, however, things for the daily operations of the house shouldnt be a requirement.... not saying that I never want to help out at all.... but its not a duty any more... Sure I'll help out.... but I hope that it would be appriciated and not just taken for granted.... sometimes I do think that my family takes me for granted.... not that that means they dont love me.... but sometimes its easy to do whether someone is worth something or not.... I'm probably more of a burden to this family than anything, but I am who I am and even if I bring one good thing to the table, I hope that its not taken for granted.....

But here is the big thing I realized.... Here in PA there is a ton of people that still rely on my computer help... I sent out an email this past week saying that Saturday and Sunday were *MY* days and I did not want to be working on computers..... but then I called Bud and he said not to even worry about helping him out on Monday.... this was so greatly appriciated because of his respect that I have a life too.... but the next thing I knew, I was talking about the possibility of helping him out with a little project Saturday morning..... and yes, it was *MY* idea.... yet someone else called and told me their computer crashed and the last thing I wanted to do was even think about looking at their machine.... whats the difference? I realized today that I actually enjoy helping Bud with his computers.... I dont mind even the slighest bit.... and I helped Beth out tonight too and I enjoyed that as well.... but the other person I dont even want to look at their machine.... well, there are alot of things that roll into that. First of all, of all the people I know, Bud is one of the greatest people I know. There are very few people that are as upstanding as him.... He's got a good heart and a good head. And the big thing? He appriciates what I do. He realizes that if a computer in his office doesnt boot it doesnt neccesarily mean that its my immediate emergency but whats more important is that he also realizes that it's not the end of the world. So please explain to me how this person can lose thousands of dollars over a computer being down and yet its not the end of the world, but someone else's daughter cant get on the internet and someone has to stop the world from turning until its fixed. Come on! Whats worse is when you ask for advice from me, you dont take it, and then next thing you know I'm supposed to support the results of not taking my advice.... and heaven forbid it take a while. Why cant those people realize that I am a human being as well and that I have a life and that, yes, even geeks need to relax sometimes. People tell me all the time that they wish they knew half of what I know.... and I simply respond "No, you dont.... you have no idea what its like"..... But thats the thing.... I love working with Bud and Beth and alot of other friends..... I love working on my grandmother's computer.... these people all really appriciate what it is that I do.... some pay me, and some dont.... but its not about money.... it may help when I'm setting priorities but thats not what makes the job worth doing.... what makes the job worth doing is when I can do something that I already enjoy and it not be a chore and I realize that what I do is appriciated. See, maybe it takes time out of my schedule, but its something that I ENJOY doing.... but when the situation is different and I am expected to fix something immediately, its not longer a chore... thats when it becomes a job. That's also the point where I do an in and out thing.... get in, make it work, and get out.... but do you think thats what I do at Bud's office? Not at all! I go in, I do the job that needs done, I do some maintence, I check things... I try new things.... I learn alot and I advance what is going on in the office to the best of my ability while at the same time increasing my ability.... and Bud knows that if the world does stop, he can certainly call me at any time and I will do whatever I can in my power to help him out... and I know that that will be appriciated.... but if I'm in a meeting and I cant take the call, he understands that too.... While Bud is very high on my priority list because of that appriciation, that doesnt mean that I *CAN* put him at the very top.... sometimes I wish I could... but that isnt the reality of things. So maybe this will speak to someone.... realize what people do for you and what that means to you... and then let them know.... Believe me, you'll get alot more out of them, they'll feel better, and everyone just wins. It's all about appriciation.... If my church offered me a job right now for less money than I make at Carpathia, there is a good chance that I would take it (provided it was enough to live on).... Simply because its not about the money but about what you can really do to help, what the common goal is, and above all else, its how much you are appriciated......

So, wow, this is becomming a long blog. But the last thing about my day.... I was very frustrated all day and kind of out of it..... but then I went to Beth's and fixed her computer for her and finally got a hold of Patti to find out about visiting Eli.... she had him tonight so I ended up going over and Eli came with us to do some shopping.... We ended up getting a few Portable DVD players for $-5 ... yes, the - is there on purpose. Radio Shack made an error I guess and posted two rebates on their website for this player which, once rebates are received, you make $5 on the deal.... Its a little skeptical as to whether the second rebate will work but Radio Shack did say they will honor the rebate forms that were already released..... if they dont, I think it'll be a PR nightmare for them..... but then I went back to Patti's house and let Eli open his present from me.... I got him a little laser tag set.... but it was too late to play with it so I am gonna go back on Monday and play with him again!!! :) Eli can make the worst day into the best day.... He's the sweetest little boy in the world. And it really melts your heart when someone cries when you leave.... its hard for me to see Eli cry for any reason, but I like to know that I mean something to him.... I guess it goes back to the appriciation thing. Another thing was he called me "dad" twice tonight. the first time he caught himself and said "I mean Bobby" and the second time I asked him what my name was and he said "oh... bobby" .... Believe me, any time that he does this, I correct him... I'm not his dad, nor will I ever be.... but I do love him like he was my own son..... but even tho I correct him and make sure he realizes that I'm not his dad, it still melts my heart more than you can even imagine.... Yaknow.... just thinking about a survey I did on myspace a few days ago.... it asked who the last person that said "I love you" to you and really meant it was.... I didnt answer this way.... but the true answer to that question is Eli.... We tell each other "I love you" all the time.... and sometimes I feel like he is the only person that does. And yes, my mom says it too.... and not to discount that she does love me.... but she has to say it, yaknow? Thats a natural thing.... but when your best friend in the whole world is a 5 year old boy and he loves you with all his heart and you love him with all your heart, well, then.... that's a strong feeling....

Well, I think I need to get to bed. I hope everyone has a great Christmas! I'm sure there will be another blog soon! God Bless and goodnight!