It's amazing how hard you can get kicked while your already down..... I dont know why I ever bother to help people.... Well, ok, yes I do... its what I want to do.... but sometimes.... eh.... I guess I'm just not good enough to help? *sigh* I hate this feeling of worthlessness..... I try my best.... thats really all I can do..... And these feelings of lonliness and like being an outcast... I hate them.... maybe I'm over reacting again but when history seems it always repeats it's self, isnt it legitament to be affraid of being left alone again? Maybe everyone is busy.... But I guess thats part of life.... most people are always too busy for me.... even all my girlfriends were always too busy for me.... Once I give all the good that I can give, then everyone is done with me.... and I'm left alone until I regain myself and give all of myself again only for those people to be done with me......

I'm really out of it...... I know good things are on the way.... I'm sure of that.... but it's so hard not to have anyone to share those good times with... or anyone to hang out with or talk to..... I guess thats why I miss Lock Haven so much.... for the first time in my life, someone was there for me every day..... Something I never had and, the way things are going, may never have again.....