Its been a long time since I felt this way and the only thing popping into my head right now is how I made it this far.... I mean.... This way I feel right now.... this is what I lived day to day.... I dont understand how I still kept the will to live.... or at least the fear to end it all..... It's a horrible feeling when you feel like there is no one around you, that you get used by everyone, that no one cares..... etc.... Many people out there are so quick to say "snap out of it" but they dont understand.... they cant.... they never lived it. Nathan and I are gonna do something later.... I still dunno whats up with Kim or Becca... I know Kim just moved and Becca's probably busy.... I just hope that I can snap out of this.....