Saturday, December 31, 2005

Its hard to believe that exactly a year ago I was getting fired.. and now I just got done finishing up a crazy job situation in which I didnt know which job to take. Its hard to believe how times change and things change and how much those little things have such huge impacts on our lives. People come into our lives and leave our lives and they heal our hearts and break our hearts. And every single one of those memories are with us forever and they shape who we are today.

Looking back, I have to say that 2005 was by far the year that I changed the most in. I think that I have become a better person and I have learned a lot. I may have had my first taste of moving out on my own in 1999 but its this year that I had my own home Granted, the home was just me but I learned a lot more and took on a lot more than what I did in Florida in 1999. People have told me how much I have matured over the last year. Maybe I have. I hope I have. I still feel like me tho. I mean, this is who I am and I like who I am. I hate many of the thing that I have to go through but its all shaping me to be a better person in the future. Who can deny that that is a great thing?

History repeats its self they say. I think there is a lot of truth to that. So what will 2006 be for me? I think a lot of the same stuff that 2005 was with new twists. Im sure it wont be any less exciting than 2005 J

As for what I want to accomplish? I really would like to find the girl and start working towards the family that I have always dreamed of. I had a lot of hope in that situation until a few days ago. And that may be why Ive been feeling so anxious recently. So I guess my goal is to refocus myself and get that hope back somehow. There has been a quote as you enter my website for years that has said about living without hope. I dont mention that quote a lot but it means a lot to me and is very real to me. Having hope is the most important thing. Maybe thats why Im always looking for answersI want to know whats going to happen so that I have something to look forward to. But I do realize that sometimes its not Gods will for us to know yet. And I will learn to be more and more content with that idea.

I have been through quite a lot this year and every one of you have impacted the outcome in various different ways. Your prayers mean more to me than can be imagined. And some of you may have hurt me. But thats ok because it was all a part of making me who I am right now.. Garth Brooks has an amazing song called The Dance that really means a lot. And I think that it could be my theme song for the ending of 2005.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

I sure could have been a lot happier with less pain in 2005. But all of that pain is leading up for a better 2006.. and all the pain I experience in 2006 will lead up for a better 2007. I pray that 2006 brings a lot of great things for all of us. Maybe Ill finally meet the girl of my dreams. Maybe I wont. But I can look forward and hope for that to come. Whether it comes in 2006 or later or why not even in 2005? I still have 10 hours, right? J Im also looking forward to doing great things with New Life this year. I hope that I can become more and more involved with my church and be able to take them to new levels with their technology. I pray that God uses me in 2006 even more so than He did in 2005.

So I just want to take this time to thank all of you for the support that you have given me in 2005 and I want to wish you and your families a great 2006.

God Bless!

"Man can live about 40 days without food, about 3 days without water, about 8 minutes without air but only about 1 second without hope."

-From Hal Lindsey's "The Terminal Generation" book

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