Thursday, January 12, 2006

Wow.... I'm at least in a little better of a mood....

So I go to DMV today to register my Elantra and they wont take the check that #1 Cochran sent me because it was written for too much.... Mark this day down in history as the only day Virginia did not want to take money. Honestly tho, its pretty stressful.... I gotta get #1 Cochran to somehow send me a check that is written to me... and this all has to happen in like a week before my temporary registration runs out. Then, on my way back from there I called my dad and he tells me that he told me that something is wrong with my Sammy.... looks like a wheel bearing is shot.... Its not the end of the world, but it's still something that I would rather not have to deal with.

The worst thing going on right now is some of my thought patterns. I havent been getting much sleep and I have been really busy and really stressed recently so maybe that has some to do with it.... but last night I was thinking back and in all honesty, the only person I ever dated that honestly made me feel like someone was Kendra. I could tell that she was attracted to me and really cared about me.... the attraction thing was a big thing... Now, the Kendra relationship had alot of downfalls and it really got ugly.... but she was attracted to me.... and in all honesty, the first couple months I dated Kendra was the ONLY time in my life that I ever felt that I was attractive. I know that this is typically a "girl thing" but there are days where I look in the mirror and I just think "how could anyone be attracted to this" ..... And honestly, the only times I've ever been told I was attracted were when someone was forced to. For instance, I'd tell Tiff or whoever that they were attractive and as a result, they felt obligated to tell me the same.... I never felt wanted.... and add to this that soooo many people tell me that I'm such a great guy and I'm an awesome person and that anyone would be lucky to be with me.... yet my relationships end in disaster.... the only thing I can figure is eventually people are just not willing to stay with someone they are not attracted to.

Yes, I know God made me special.... but these are some things that have been on my mind that are just killing me. I'm glad to be who I am... I just wish that maybe I was a little more attractive?

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