I really have to move on.... I cant keep being here going through the same things over and over again. I'm not the best person in the world so I guess I shouldnt be worried about someone that is too good for me or associate with me.

I've learned that you can really tell who your friends are by how much you know about them. The stronger a friendship, the less you DONT know about that person. The stronger a friendship, the less secrets there are. I have been trying to bend the rules of what a friend is because I have wanted something so badly... but despite my wanting to know, I cant force someone to tell me whats going on in their life. A friend is someone who really enjoys talking with you and not someone that trys to avoid you. A friend doesnt break promises. A friend not only helps you but lets you help them. Friends want to know if your ok. Friends want to share the good and the bad in their life with you.

Here are some quotes that I have found that I really think paint a good picture of what a friend is. I guess maybe the way God is going to teach me about true friendship is he's going to show me what friendship is not?

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. -- Fr. Jerome Cummings

Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure. -- Jewish Saying

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. -- Aristotle

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A faithful friend is the medicine of life." -- Apocrypha

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. -- Hasidic Saying

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. -- Walter Winchell

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. -- Anonymous

"Friendship is essentially a partnership." -- Aristotle

"A friend loves at all times." -- Proverbs 17:17.

"There can be no Friendship where there is no Freedom." -- William Penn

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose." -- Tehyi Hsieh

The language of friendship is not words but meanings. -- Henry David Thoreau

I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street. -- Virginia Woolf

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!-- Doug Larson

These are some really good guidelines that I think I need to start paying attention to. I can't make someone my friend. I look at these quotes above and I see this in Nate, Becca, Kim, Keith, etc, etc..... They respect who I am. They know my failures... they'll forgive me when I hurt them... they'll be there when I need them. they'll let me help them... They won't look at my failures and hold them against me. Already if its been a few days since we've talked, I'll get a call or at least an email. I know that so many people here in VA are really true friends to me and I appriciate them. Why can't I let this be enough for me? Why can't I accept the fact that some people will not want to be my friend.... why do I keep fighting for it anyway?

A *TRUE* friend told me tonight something that I knew already but had been ignoring.... some things are hard for people to change. She was right. Hope is an important thing but it can't be placed in something that has given so much failure.

I need to move on.... I dont want to but I havent been given any other choice.