Tuesday, January 17, 2006
In some ways I wish I could go to counseling again but that would cost me about $50 a visit so its really not worth it. God is trying to show me something but I'm just not realizing it. I'm a unique person and I guess in most ways, I am proud of that.... but with this stuff in my mind, its tough. And when I say this stuff in my mind, I mean the mental stuff like ADHD and whatever else I have (BiPolar, clinical depression, whatever it is). I have been really doing well since I've been here in VA and I think there is alot of good reason for that.... and the medicine has been helping alot too.... the problem is that its really hard for people to help me mainly because its hard to understand how my mind works in these scenarios..... heck, its hard for me to help myself.... I dont have a clue how I work, myself :) I've been against condemnation for a long time and I've learned that its important for people to show each other their faults but the choice of words you use, the context it's used in, and the time frame can throw things from correction to condemnation..... problem is when I'm down, my interpretation of condemnation is alot lower than most people because of "perpetuation" ... On the other hand, in most cases when I'm doing well emotionally, my interpretation of condemnation is much higher than most people.... This is me by design and I'm sure there is a reason for it.... God has a reason for everything He does and the pain that I experience when I am at a low point is really something God is using to teach me some type of lesson and develope me into the person He wants me to be. So would counseling help? I'm sure it would.... but maybe its not the best option because I need to learn to rely directly on God more than relying on other people (whether they be Christians or not).