Saturday, October 22, 2005

So the dream I had.... I was at a party with a bunch of my friends from church.... and one of our pastor's, Mike, called and said he was running a little late because he had to pick someone up on his way. When he arrived I saw him get out of his car along with a cute little girl with a yellow baseball cap on..... she got closer and closer and I realized it was Tiff..... she came in and saw me and run over to me and just wrapped her arms around me and said "I'm really never going to let you go again. I can't live without you and I know we need to be together" .... I think I cried in my dream and maybe in real life too because I was so happy.... then I woke up and became real sad because I realized that it was just a dream.... I havent even heard from her in a while...

I used to be so happy ... when I first moved to VA, I had a great job, a great place to live, and an awesome girl..... and even tho my apartment hasnt changed, the others did.... but then the cost of living set in..... I have alot of good things now such as my friends from my church.... but I'm just not as happy as I was.... maybe it's because of the financial stress.... maybe it's because I was so happy with Tiff and now not only do I not have her, but I dont have anyone. I guess the praise in all of this is that I am not depresed... I'm just sad about the things that I have lost and that I'm being so stressed by people now.... I'm ok.... I'm just not happy, yaknow?

Once I had a dream of Tiff and I getting married, Carpathia growing and me making a decent living, having beautiful children and completing my life long goal of being the best father and husband that I could be.... Most of the aspects of that dream are fading away.... the first half of that dream relies on other people to be in sync with my dream.... and that just isnt the case.

Thankfully, it is the weekend... I think I'm going over to Kim's tonight and we're gonna hang out (beka, nathan, me, kim, and whoever else is going I guess).... then tomorrow is church.... I'm really glad of that... I wish my church met every day.

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