I'm so out of it.... I hung out with Beka, Kim, and Nathan tonight and I just couldnt snap out of whatever it is that I'm in.... I kinda feel bad. What's really sad is that I'm looking forward to Nov 8th.... thats the day I have my test at the hospital and since I will be put to sleep, I might actually get some real rest for the first time in a long time..... I'm just drained... I'm numb... I'm not depressed -- just out of it.... My mind seems to be somewhere else.... maybe analyzing what is occuring... I'm not sure.... something is going on.... I know God is watching over me so I'm just going to leave it in His hands..... but man am I drained..... I want to be me again....