Today was bad.... I had a panic attack... well, it was a little more than that. I took some xanax and when I calmed down I was just out of it.... but that was for the better. I sat listening to Disturbed's song "Voices" over and over again.... and looking back... that scares me.... if anyone knows the lyrics to that song, you will know why.

The truth is... all of this could be so much better... I think.... the problem is that in this chess game, im not the one to make the next move..... but until that move is made, I'm scared... I'm scared of alot....

I worry now... why? just simply because Tiff isnt online. If there is one person worse than me right now, its her... and I worry....

The doctors arent there for me... my friends are only around to tell me what they think im doing wrong... I mean... come on people....

Argh... I'm getting upset again... I better go....