Once in my life I really believed that I was going to do some really great things in my life. I saw myself having a wife to support and to support me.... someone who believed in me.... actually, I saw myself being a person that people could believe in generally. I saw myself not being rich by a long shot but being able to pay the bills and having what mattered most: friendships. I saw alot of things in my future.... Most of those things I felt would be blessings in my life.....

But here I am... as lonely as ever. I lack real friendships. I dont have a single person that I could call to go do something. Actually, the highlight of my week is going to see a movie all alone.... and thats hard when you see so many couples so happy together and your sitting there alone.

I really am starting to wonder what it is that I am really worth. I mean, I know that I'm good for fixing your computer but is there anything more than that? What makes me different than the 16 year old keep working for Geek Squad? Honestly, I dont think there is anything.

What is my place in this life? What is wrong with me that pushes people away from me? Why when I find a friend that I really can connect with, I lose them shortly after. And why is it that no one will tell me what it is they hate about me? I guess its just easier to let me fall out of their lives than to tell me what it is that so horrible about me.

Im not perfect and Im not about to tell anyone that I am.... I just wish I was good enough that someone thought I was someone special and someone worth fighting for......

.... but, Im not......