Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Laying in bed but sleep just isnt coming easy for me. I dont know where my place is anymore... and I feel like there is something about me that people just cant tolerate me for more than a pre set amount of time. I do feel like I do help people alot but I guess that I can only be tolerated while I am being helpful.... if things get tough, you have to run from me because while there are alot of people who were (or are) worth fighting for, I simply am not worth fighting for. There are people that have encouraged me but when the point comes as sacrifice is needed, no one is willing to do it.....

I just dont know if I am really worth anything to many people.... if any. Maybe its just because of all the emotional hell people have put me through the last 10 years of my life. I can not tell you how many times people have told me that I am an awesome person yet they gave up on me..... or how many people told me they would never leave me but yet they are nowhere to be found.

I dont know why these are the words I am saying.... this isnt really anyything I was feeling today.... but these are the things I feel now. I just really wish I was worth enough that people might want to fight for me.... or better yet, fight together with me. Maybe people take me for granted because Ill do so much at first that they automatically think that I will be able to continue without any support? Whatever the reason, it sucks.

Typing on this cell phone is getting old and i really need to somehow fall asleep.... tho I dont know why since I dont really have anything to look forward to tomorrow.... or next week.... or next month..... or...... *sigh*

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