Man I need to change things.... and some of those things are not what I would have expected.
After church, I usually help tear down.... today God really pressed on my heart that I needed to go straight to Target, buy some things, and head up the mountain. I asked Mike and he somewhat pushed back... he said maybe if I could even give 10 mins.... I was really struggling... I went and asked Carl and he asked what was up and he said go for it.... I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.... I wanted to go back and help.... they need help and I felt like I was letting them down.
My desire isnt a problem.... the problem is that I struggle to say no... I give so much that to so many people something seems like something small but its more than I can sometimes take.... not that helping tear down is bad.... but arguing with God as to why I should help is... well, kinda backwards... but still wrong.
I stopped to grab some drinks and Im on my way up the mountain. In some ways I feel like Im driving to the hospital for surgery... Im kind of scared... I dont know what to expect.... but I just pray that I come back to VA a new person.
God and I can do this.... not me by myself.