Here comes that rainy day feeling again.....

Well, not really... actually, while I dont feel quite right, Im not depressed or even down. I am, however, confused about the way that I feel.

Im missing Kim again... but there are huge differences between now and the past. Typically I became really depressed and saw no hope after a girl and I broke up. In those times, my life was over and when I felt like that, I was pushed to believe that whoever I just broke up with was actually the one for me and that perpetuated the "missing" her feeling. Previously, I blocked the idea that there was someone else out there. Its no secret to those who have known me for a while that I really handled things badly with regards to "loosing the girl."

So here I am now, more mature.... hahaha hardly.

Seriously tho... I really am missing Kim but its not in that obsessive jealous missing that I had before. I miss Kim because I respect and admire her. She is truly an incredible person and I miss the anticipation of getting an email or phone call from her every night.... because I genuinely wanted to hear what she had to say.

The biggest difference in all of this is my life is moving forward. I have (finally) been able to seperate what I want from what I need..... I mean.... I "needed" Tiff and I "needed" Kendra. I dont need Kim in my life.... I just want her to be in my life.

Sure I have to question why I am feeling these ways.... maybe it really is the first time someone truly loved me and/or the first time I truly loved someone? The only thing that is for certain is that I have a lot more learning to do. Until then, I will put Kim in the best place I know: In God's Hands