Monday, November 28, 2005

One of the first things out of a psychiatrist's mouth is "tell me about your childhoor" .. ok, we all know it.... we joke about it.... but do we really realize just how much someone's childhood and especially their relationship with their parents means in the developement of that person. By looking back and diagnosing what happened in someone's childhood, you can better plan for how to help that person.

We know that forgiveness of sins was not the only reason why God gave His Son to die on the cross.... Another reason why Jesus came was to show us an example of how to live.... One example that I think is often missed is in Matthew 17:5 which says "While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!" There is a very important example in this that most people miss. God is showing an amazing example of how a father needs to treat his son.... Three very important points that need to be followed: "I love you", "I'm proud of you", "Your good at..." Every son needs to hear those things and God layed them all out in one passage. God loves Jesus, God is pleased (proud) with Jesus, and He says to listen to Him (because He is good at what He does).....

Everyone one of us longs something that we missed from our childhood.... for guys, it's generally something not given to us from our dads. I experienced this as well as many others. As men, we always strive to please our dads.... Its important to us... it's important to have aproval from him and to be told that we are now men.... to be told we are loved, to be told that dad is proud of us, and for dad to see something that we are good at. Even just a few weeks ago I remember talking to my dad about how my tires were so bad that anytime it rained and I pulled out of a red-light I spun tire. The response I got was "well, its the way you drive" and I said no I didnt think it was but my dad continued "if you'd just let off the clutch a little easier" ... Truth is, the rest of that night I really couldnt drive.... in my mind, I wasnt good at driving in my dad's eyes.... In fact, for the first time in a long while I actually stalled out my car.... Why? Because whether my dad saw it or not, I felt I needed to adjust and be a better driver. As a result, I screwed up even more because I was trying to fix something that wasnt broke.... I'm sure I can improve as a driver but I certainly dont need to reinvent the wheel as I felt that I did. Related to this, some researchers that have been researching homosexuality have found that people who end up homosexuals are, in many cases, trying to fill a void and heal a fracture of a broken relationship with their dad or even their lack of having a dad.

This is just an example of things that happen and how much they affect us as people.... But it's important to realize that my dad does love me as well as many other dads love their sons..... In fact David Blankenhorn says in Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem "As a father, the Good Family Man is not perfect, but he is good enough to be irreplaceable." Fathers, as all humans, are not perfect.... but no matter how many mistakes they make, they are irreplaceable. They are important.

I was challenged tonight to think about my dad and my relationship with him.... alot of thoughts came to me... some were good, and a few were bad..... but there was one thing that stood out very very strong in my head. For those of you that don't know, in 1985 my dad was in a horrible motorcyle accident in which his pelvis was shattered among many other things. To this day he has only half of a knee.... After the accident he was given only a 10% chance of living.... Through a miracle of God, he not only lived but can now walk completely independant... In fact, he just recently bowled a 300 game. That is certainly a testimony..... but, anyway, there was something that stood out in my mind.... I remember this little wooden rocking horse that as far as I know is still in my parents basement.... This horse was made by my dad while he was in the hospital..... Out of all the things he could have done, it was important to him to make something for me and my sisters.... as I thought about this tonight, tears came to my eyes.... One question that was asked of me tonight was if I could ask anything from my father and get it, what would it be.... my answer was quite simply "nothing" .... This is for 2 main reasons. First of all, I dont want to change ANYTHING in my past because that would risk me not being who I am today..... thats a risk I'm not willing to take.... but the other thing is that whatever action that would be really wouldnt be my dad.... and thats the thing.... the same way I know my dad loves me for who I am, I love him for who he is as well.

Alot of challenges were put on my mind tonight.... and I realize the greatest one of all is only strengthening one of my biggest goals in life.... to be the best father that I can be. I never asked to be the perfect father beacuse I am only a mortal man.... but I want to be the best that I can be.

No comments: