Monday, November 14, 2005

First of all…. I’ve determined that I could never move to Northern VA…. Erm… wait a minuet!? Of course I’m joking since I’ve been here for almost a year and have no plans on leaving…. But man, the traffic…. I was at my church doing some work today and I left the office right around 5pm…. Ouch! Bob, meet Route 50 rush hour…. And Route 28 rush hout…. And while we’re at it, how about Route 7 rush hour? J

Anyway…. The excitement of the day. Where am I gonna be working next week? Well… the answer will come as a shock to you: Carpathia Hosting…..

This morning was my interview with Equinix. The job is mine if I want it. Here’s the thing tho…. I was banking on working nights because that’s all they ever have open it seems…. When I got there, the position I was offered was a day time position. There are actually 2 big issues with that. First of all, Equinix has 12 hour shifts on a long week / short week rotation. Long story short, working day shifts would mean working day on Sundays every other weekend which means I can not go to church every other weekend. The other big issue is that night shifts come with a 15% differential payment. What does this mean? Well, basically it means that the pay I would get at Equinix is equal to that which Carpathia offered me to stay. But there were problems with Carpathia, you say? Yes, there were…. And would Equinix be better on that end of things? The answer is probably yes…. But there is a lot more to this story than just that.

Yesterday at church I was talking with someone who had a pretty good lead for me. Early last week that didn’t seem as promising because of my lack of education. Before I hear the “I told you so” from some of you, understand that many (probably most) tech companies aren’t too focused on education but on experience, however, some positions this is a requirement. Regardless, after talking to this person yesterday, I came to realize that there still is a pretty good chance…. The problem is that it would take at least 3 weeks to get an answer because of the process involved. The position is related to government so of course there is more red-tape than many positions. So, that was on my mind all night last night…. What do I do? I don’t want to start at Equinix, work for a few weeks so that they train me just in time for me to leave. That’s not fair to anyone. I wasn’t really sure.

But that’s not the only thing that has been on my mind. Seeing how Carpathia has acted in the last couple of weeks, I kind of felt like I was leaving them without giving them a chance. And, yes, I know… I’ve tried before and it didn’t happen….. but there is a big difference. First of all…. The majority of my attempts were while the CEO was overseas. Understand that our CEO is a really great person…. Most of the issues I had came from our CTO and COO…. Not that they are necessarily bad people, but things just didn’t seem to go as smooth under them…. And that is not to point the finger at anyone. This time when attempts were made to keep me, I saw that action was actually taken. Maybe since my friend left the company before I joined for the same reasons that I am (was) leaving now, they opened their eyes? Regardless, when I brought up issues before, it wasn’t just an outright no but it was an attack on me in some ways (whether that be intentional or not). So in this scenario, I felt bad about leaving without giving them a chance…. The thing was, I really didn’t have much of an option so I went the direction that I needed to go.

So today, was this an answer to prayers? Actually, I believe it was. In one simple meeting a lot of things that were on my mind were instantly resolved. At this point, there seemed to be only one logical thing to do…. Would Carpathia accept? I was hoping so. I talked to a friend about it and then called my mom and talked to her about it…. And went to Carpthia’s CEO to sit down and talk. I told him the entire situation…. I was up front and honest (honesty is still one of the most important things to me) about everything going on. I told him that I really wanted to give Carpathia a chance even a week ago but I just didn’t have the option to. I told him that I have another very good lead that I still want to pursue…. But I told him that I wanted to accept the offer they made to keep me as long as the understanding was there that this is a trial scenario and that I am still looking at the possibility of another job. I did tell him, however, that he shouldn’t be worried about me just coming in one day and saying I’m done and its over. I told him that I would give at least two weeks notice should I find anything out. His response was that he saw how much effort I put into resolving issues and how well I handled the whole situation of me leaving and he said that he has no fear that I would ever screw them over. After this meeting, I met with my direct boss (the CTO) and told him what was going on. He was just as excited as Rick….. shortly after that, the COO came to me and said how happy he was to hear about the news. One final thought is that even if Carpathia doesn’t improve and the other job lead I have does not materialize, there is one other really big fact. That is that January is upon us. This is a time when a lot of companies begin hiring new people (with the exception of retailers of course). So in a worst case scenario, I stick it out for a couple of months and who knows what opportunities will arise in Januray. The only thing I am really sure about is that God is in control of this entire situation.

It’s amazing how things happen some time when you take a step of faith. Putting my two weeks notice in without having another job was scary and I fought with it for a long while…. But I knew it was God tugging at my heart. Eventually I did it… and there probably was a big part of me that had ideas of what God may be doing…. I justified it by the fact that maybe Equinix was afraid to hire me because they would be hiring an employee away from one of their customers….. and in reality, I think that was what changed their interest in hiring me….. as soon as I put my two weeks in, Equinix began looking at me again. So was I right? Partially….. but the thing is that we don’t know what God is doing in our lives…. And I am learning more and more about what James meant when he said that our lives are only vapors. James is by far my favorite book of the Bible…. And the more my life goes on I realize it’s because it is the one book that applies directly to my life from the first word to the last. Of course the entire Bible applies to everyone, but James is directed at me. From the tirals that I face that make me stronger and that I need to count as joy to the uncertainty of life…. These are things that everyone experiences but they are things that are VERY real in my life…. And all these things do is increase my faith. While I was talking to my friend today I really took a look at myself and I realized something….. God has changed me in phenomenal ways. The way I think now is completely different than the way I thought 3 or even 2 years ago…. I realized something very important today…. And it’s ironic that one of my favorite things to do is ride roller coasters….. but if any of you knew me back when I was younger, I was scared to death of roller coasters…. But at one point, I was forced to get on one…. And the result was I loved it! I progressed to bigger and better coasters and I found more and more thrill in the fear of getting on those rides. I remember loving coasters but being afraid of the Steel Phantom…. But eventually I got on it. Where am I now? You cant throw a coaster at me that is too big…. Top Thrill Dragster at 400 feet tall? No problem. How does this relate? Well, I think today I hit that point…. I’m no longer afraid of what is coming but I am excited to see what it is. And someday soon, you may not be able to throw a bad situation at me that I wont ride out the storm on and actually enjoy the ride. God truly is changing me…. And note that I used that word in the present tense. He will always be changing me because I am not a perfect person and I never will be. There will always be room for Him to work on something in me and I pray that I will remain in a state that He can change me…. Again and again. If I leave this earth with even touching one person, then my life is worthwhile….

Tonight as I was driving home from the church office, I was listening to a CD that I made…. And on that CD I put John Reuben’s song “All I have” … that song has been one that I have been listening to over and over again…. But today, it hit me so hard that not only did I get a huge smile on my face but I also had tears in my eyes. Truly… all that I have IS what God has given me. I am alright and I am ok… and, now, I can honestly say that “I kinda like doing things this way” …. I’ll leave you with the lyrics from that song. Until next time, God Bless!

Are you disappointed?
Is this world a let down?
With your head in the clouds
It’s time to get down
Head on collision, crushed by dreams
So we leave our hearts at the accident scene
Shattered, pieces scattered
Who told us it was okay to allow our thoughts to be flattered?
And entertained with ideas that can’t sustain
A future once so confidently proclaimed
So where do you go from here when it all disappears?
Apathy dries your tears until you don’t care
Or you live and die, occupied with disclaimers
And reasons as to why
Realize, life isn’t lived in fantasies
No matter how much planning or strategy
Joy comes along with tragedy
I own them all gladly

I’m alright, I’m okay
I kinda like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live
I’m alright, I’m okay
I kinda like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live

We’re not taught trial and error
We’re not taught, nor are we prepared
So we fail against everyday opponents
All the while we’re still living for glorious moments
And the media feeds the youth a false reality
Of what it takes to make yourself happy
It says they got about a one in a billion shot
Why try and make them think it’s something that it’s not
This ain’t a movie this is real life
The spotlight don’t shine quite as bright as some would like
But that’s alright cuz the starlight at night
Is more of a highlight than the highlife
The air I consume from the breath of creation
Renews my soul everyday I awaken
Ah man, tell me who knew
That simply being content was the dream come true

I’m alright, I’m okay
I kinda like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live
I’m alright, I’m okay
I kinda like doing things this way
All I have is what God gives
And that’s all the life that I was meant to live

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