UPMC Western Psychiatric was the hospital.... tonight was the night.

It was destined to happen I guess.... I'm so much of a psychotic wreck that I was gonna end up in the ER. I was very close to being admitted but they said that I showed signs of sanity even within my episodes so they let me enter an intensive outpaitient program.... I have to be in Pittsburgh every day for a while... well, every business day for counseling, workshops, psyciatric help, etc..... this will last 1-3 weeks and also means Im going to be freaking broke. I cant go to VA because of this so I lose those hours... plus this will take HUGE chunks out of my computer connections pay.... so just about the time I get one frustration taken care of, I'll be broke again. I really do hate my life.

I'm such a wreck. My life has been destroyed and so often I feel like no one cares.... Why people treat me like shit is beyond me.... I hate it.... and I think some people... one in paticular just thinks its funny when im worked up.... I wonder if I did actually kill myself if it would be funny... im sure it would....

Im getting too worked up again.... im gonna go cry myself to sleep in a little bit... it seems to be what I do best. A serious thanks to those who have been praying for me... a sarcastic thanks to all of those people who screwed my life up.