Monday, September 27, 2004

Tonight I was called the Hugh Hefner of Pizza Hut.... interesting :)

I really seriously figured out a big part of what is wrong with me. Its been known that I dont do enough for fun.... I work all the time... almost non-stop... but the thing that people dont see is that Saturdays I have off and always just sit at home. Truth is... I'm starved for attention.... in a different way than that ultimately sounds tho. I so badly want to be able to call someone up and go hang out.... anytime I want to do something, everyone backs away. Starts to make me think there is something wrong with me... then you throw on the troubles that Ive had with girls such as cheating and ignoring me and lying and such.... it really makes you think something is wrong. The problem is I cant relax because I dont think anyone likes me. Now I know im about to get a flood of emails saying "I care, bob.... I care" ... ok, yes, you care... yadda yadda yadda.... if you are out of the state, I can accept that.... if you are local then bull (except for Bill... for reasons we've discussed).... Im dying to go see a movie... will anyone go to a movie with me? no. "I'm married, bob.. someday you'll learn" ... "I have to watch the kids" "I have plans" "I dont have any money" ... the list can go on. This is my biggest problem... but the truth is... even if this does bring people to hang out with.. it wont last... it will go back to the same excuses that were before... There's just something about me that people dont like being around me.... I really dont understand it. *sigh* I'm doing ok.... I'm just sorting stuff out.

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