The problem now is that... Oh I don't even know. I will now forever beat myself up that I hurt tanya and now I'm affraid that ill never want to go back to her for anything because ill hurt her again. That's ruined now. Her words in her blog... Oh so much like tiffs....whether intent was the same or not I have to put defenses up in my brain. And if me hurting her causes her to go back to tim I really will want to kill myself. I was out of it an hour ago and all tanya could do was try to proove she was right.... Another thing I never hear when things go bad for me is sorry... There was no time for that tho.... Putting me down and showing me what was wrong was more important.

Oh and maybe me breaking up with tanya was my choice... No matter that I didn't want it... I did it for tanya and eli and I remained in their lives like I promised and I was never against getting back with tanya. No matter that on friday I chose to start working on that.... But now my mind has to rethink it.

When I accept that no one cares I will be better off.