Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Sometimes I wonder if I annoy people or if I really make an impact on people's lives. My goal in life (aside from the husband/father thing) is to help as many people as I can. I really want to make a positive impact on people's lives.... whether I get anything in return or not. But sometimes I wonder if I am helping. Sometimes I wonder if the times people say I'm doing great things are just things said to not hurt my feelings or because I am doing great things.

I dont really understand why God has chose for me to follow this journey on my own. Sometimes I wish I had someone in the same way that Moses as Aaron... but this is a journey that I am on my own in for some reason and if it be God's will, then its ok with me. But it would be nice to have someone working with me.... Someone who was there to encourage me.

It's hard with these lonely feelings that I feel. I often wish that I had that special girl in my life.... someone to just relax and cuddle up with. Whatever reason, God doesnt feel thats a need in my life right now -- so I accept. But I do wish that it wasnt the case. There have been alot of memories that have been left in the past.... And recently there is one memory that keeps coming back to my mind.... and this is probably the most insignificant thing to anyone else but it means more to me than anything else that has ever happened in my life. A few years ago Tiff and I went to Cedar Point. This was the year that Top Thrill Dragster opened. Tiff was scared to death to go on it but I convinced her that she should.... after the ride as we were returning to the station, she grabbed my hand. And as I sit here typing about it, I'm getting tears in my eyes. I dont understand why that meant so much to me or why it has been popping into my head so frequently.... but I guess thats what I'm looking for.... someone to grab my hand and not have to say any words to let me know that they care. Grab my hand to say "thank you" or grab my hand to say "you mean alot to me"..... Someday I guess.... for now, I'll just keep fighting for making things better in every area I work in.

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