Sometimes I really have to sit back and wonder about the emotional experiences that I go through. A girl that works at New Life has been reading a book (the name of it slips me right now) and she was explaining it to us once at lunch. The idea behind this book is that every single person on the face of the earth experiences exactly the same amount of pressure. What is different between each person is how we respond to it and how we relay it to others. It's based on our personality and not so much our experiences. This is at least how I remember her explaining it.... but either way, that thought has merit in my opinion. But I still question why I experience the things that I do.

To answer that question I think means going to Heaven and just asking God to His face. As a human, I dont believe we posses the ability to understand this logic... at least not fully. It seems like there is a fine line drawn between what comes about per "chance" and what comes about because of our actions. I was thinking about my emotional struggles tonight and I surprisingly thought of Paul. Paul questioned himself many times. Paul was a role model sinner, if you will. One of the greatest things he questioned about himself is why he goes on doing the things that he doesnt want to do and vice versa. This is a key to the Christian life because we are supernatural beings inside of a carnal body. There is a constant struggle for everyone, I believe.

Here's the thing I have really been pondering. Can Paul's question of what he does and doesnt do inside the physical realm also apply to what we feel in our emotions? I have this idea of who I should be and how I should act. But it's not always the way I act. How should I respond to people.... How should I respond to anything? I know one thing for certain is that I really dont want to paint a picture that I am some super person for certain things that I do. I dont think I'm doing anything incredible.... nothing above and beyond what I am called to do and what I am supposed to do. Maybe I do alot related to item x and item y but those items are things that God has equipped me to do. Someone who is skilled with item a and item b may not realize how much they are doing in those items but they only see what I accomplish with x and y. It's been my prayer for a while that these emails and my blog would be testimonies to people that believe that I'm doing great things to realize that I'm not doing great things in comparison to what God has given every single person. I am doing the same thing that everyone else is capable of doing and may (should) already be doing.... just maybe in a different way. However, at the same time that I don't wnat to seem like a super person or that I'm doing anything great, it is really nice to hear compliments.... but then, how do I take those? I dont want to be better than anyone else.... but yet I want to be complimented them, which often causes me to feel better than someone else. Why do I think like this? How should I respond when someone compliments me on something that I have done for God? This picture may be a little dramatized, but I believe it's very close to what Paul was saying about the sins he kept commiting even tho he didnt want to. And maybe emotions arent sins but it seems very similar to the same principal. Additionally, it seems that this is the way we are made. We have a constant struggle against ourselves and if you think about it, that is a direct result of the fall of man. We were not created with the knowledge of good and evil but it was when we sinned that we gained this knowledge and, as a result, brought judgement on ourselves.

I often stuggle with the fact that so many of my friendships fall away and basically every one of my relationship end abruptly. Mentally, that is a hard thing to take. People tell me to not take it personally and they tell me that its not me.... but in science, you always look at the common denominator and that is me in this case. What am I doing wrong/different? Maybe the answer really is nothing.... Maybe it's that people dont understand me which is expected since I cant even understand myself.

All of us are in this struggle together. It may seem harder for me but I think, again, it really is the same for everyone. All of us just respond differently. It does seem like in today's society, the answer is always to run. When things get tough we just try to escape it instead of pressing on. Last night as I was falling asleep I heard a song on the radio that had lyrics that said if your going through hell you should just keep on going because maybe you'll get through it before the devil even knows your there. Maybe this is why in today's society we struggle so much..... when we start going through hell, we stop and just camp out. Maybe we're meant to struggle through things with people so that we can push each other and get out of the hell that we're in. Jesus Himself descended into hell to take the keys.... He had a purpose for being there and I think the "hell" that we go through serves a purpose as well. As humans, especially as Christians, we need to stop giving up and keep pushing. If your friend is having a hard emotional time, be there with them -- whether you understand it or not. Spend more time with them and maybe you'll understand a little more about what he/she is experiencing and when you go through the same thing you'll have a better understanding from the start. Maybe you really dont understand whats going on in your friend's mind.... Try to.... but dont act like you know.... just learn from the situation. When people are confused, they need to be around others. I think this is the way we were created. Many great heroes of the Old Testament had their counter-part. Moses and Aaron were a good example. What would have happened if Aaron didnt understand what "nonsense" Moses was talking about and just left him all alone? You never know when you are put in a position to not only help a friend, but save the world.

Don't give up on people! The entire book of Acts is a story of unity. Great things happened when people got together. All of us want to see more revival fall upon us, but yet we're not willing to make sacrifices to help our friends? I think this is something every single one of us is guilty of and I think it's something we need to change the most. Tonight at life group it was brought up that the measure of Christianity is love. It was even said in 1st Corinthians that the greatest of everything is Love. We need to stop giving up and start loving.