So some may have noticed that Tiff has been on my mind a little more recently.... I'm sure some think that means that I want to go back to her.... First of all... no.... second of all.... no ..... third of all, there is no evidence that she would want to be with me again anyway.... there is only evidence that she is happy with me being unhappy....

But why is she on my mind? Well, since all of the crap happened in the whole Tiff situation, there has been something that I have been struggling with. Simply put, I am questioning why she was even in my life... I always do my best to look at the positives in everything and realize that the bad happens to produce good... in the case of Tiff, I feel like that whole scenario is the one thing in my life that did nothing good.... In my life, I have a few really good memories of those times but they dont come even close to justifying all of the pain I have lived with because of what happened.

Tonight I have really been thinking about something tho. A few good memories may have the answer to why the whole thing occured. I posted one of those last week about when I talked Tiff into going on Top Thrill Dragster.... She was scared to death but I pushed her to try it... and she enjoyed it... Same is true with when I took her skiing.... she didnt want to do it, but I pushed her to do it... and she enjoyed it.... Though there are also other things that I really felt that Tiff should do, I never did accomplish showing her the great things had she done them.... doesnt really even mean they were for her.... The thing is tho.... the entire Tiff thing... well, I guess I really didnt take much (if anything) from that relationship... but maybe I just need to try to sit back and think that maybe, somehow, someway.... just maybe I made a tiny little impact to help her become a better person.... and in some ways, I wish I could still help her.... but she is extremely against taking help from anyone. I've even talked with some other friends of hers and its the same story.... Tiff never asks for help, accepts help, or even mentions anything that she needs with the fear that someone might try to help her with it.... but maybe, somewhere, I did help her... I dont know.... maybe this is just me trying to justify the reason why I stuck with Tiff for so long.... Because looking back, I think that if I regret anything, it probably was staying with her for so long....

So no, I have no intentions of going back with Tiff... actually... I have no intentions of even communicating with Tiff.... A few nights ago I sent her an email... it really was a bad mistake.... And of course I never received a response.... its like she's fine just knowing that I'm thinking of her because in her twisted reality, she thinks that things are just going to change without her doing anything about them..... Truth be told, I dont think I could even trust Tiff if we were in a relationship again.... But, one belief of mine is to never say never.... so I can't say that it will never happen... I dont know what God has in store.... For me to be with Tiff again, it would take her making some drastic moves that I know she will never even come close to taking without some divine power.... So for those who started to think that I have been working towards dating Tiff again, you're wrong. One email I sent her and no response.... I dont see it happening and right now, I dont want it to happen. I'm sure there is a perfect girl down here in VA for me that has the same beliefs as I do... the beliefs that helping people and being helped are very important aspects of life... and that honesty is always the best policy... Someone who puts family above career and loyalty above that.

I'll find her someday... God will show me who she is.... and I look forward to that day coming soon.