Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm honestly sorry to anyone that I've hurt recently.... it seems alot of people are taking the way I feel and the way I respond to certain things personally.... I have to ask that you please not. Certainly some things I say may apply to you.... and there are some people that have really been treating me unfairly.... but the majority of everyone I know is taking things personally that they shouldnt... not that they can be blamed for that. I'm not trying to justify the way I act but I do want to ask that everyone please take some things with a grain of salt. Please understand that in many aspects of my life (especially relationships), I have really been treated like crap... and its hard to not associate things today to those... especially when alot of that pain is so recent. It's been really hard on me recently.... pretty much ever girl I dated cheated on me.... most people when I ask for help end up screwing me over.... When I ask for help, I'm inadequate and shouldnt be doing whatever it is I need help with.... when it comes to girls... well... thats really screwed up to when no one you ever date is really faithful to you. There have been a few... VERY few that were.... and then when it comes down to friendships.... man, its so weird.... all the relationships that just came to be.... Amber, Kendra, etc, etc... Didnt really expect to be friends afterwards.... then there's Tiff who I thought even if things didnt work out romantically would be my friend for life.... and to be at a point where she doesnt even have the time of day to say hi to me... its just really painful for me. The lies I've been told constantly.... Whether they were meant to not hurt me or not, they flat out killed me. When you finally open up and believe someone when they tell you that they will never hurt you or leave you and then they actually do, it makes things really tough.

I dunno... like I said, I'm not trying to make excuses.... I have alot that I need to work on.... but I just would like it if everyone could please just take a step back and realize that I've been hurt alot and that the things going around in my head are going to take some time to clear..... Please just be paitient with me.....

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