Why do I try so hard to understand God's logic when I know that it is impossible for my carnal mind to comprehend it. God's got something great in store... and things dont look exactly the way I had hoped.... does that mean that what I hoped for won't come to pass? No.... but it doesnt mean that it will either.

What does it mean? Really.... all that is to be said is I dont have a clue what is going to happen in the next 24 hours. Tonight has been a series of some very strange and unexpected surprises.... I started trying to figure out how I feel about them but then I realized that it doesnt matter. No matter how I feel about them, they happened. No matter what I feel about the future, the future is coming -- and its all according to God's Will.... It is out of my hands, and thats really a good thing.... because this blog is full of 3 years of my mistakes :)

Yes, I'm scared -- but that doesnt matter. The first time you ride a roller coaster, your scared to death.... but the ride is worth it. I remember the first time I rode the SkyCoaster at Kennywood (for those non-pittsburghers, no that is not a roller coaster).... my gosh was I freaking out. I can't believe someone talked me into being pulled up 200 feet in the air on a rope only to be dropped in a free fall. Then... at the top.... being held by just a rope... and someone has to pull the rope.... man, what do you do? You're scared to be up there but your scared of the fall. I was very glad that the rope was pulled and I went plummiting towards the lake... Why? Well.... I didnt want to be hanging in limbo forever. That moment, your stomach doesnt jump -- it just disappears. You're free falling towards the lake and finally the cable throws you into a swing and next thing you know, you're flying almost 200 feet above everyone walking around the park. One of the most intersting things is, once that initial drop is over, you are still swining back and forth and flying well over 100 feet over people... but it doesnt feel like it.... you conqured that first free fall... you've tested the cable and you know that it's holding you. This isnt much different than the way I feel now. I'm hanging up there... I know that cable is attached to me but I havent seen it bail me out of *this* situation -- however, I have seen it bail many others out. Until I experience it, I'm going to be scared... then all of a sudden, I'll be swinging above everything else... all my troubles are below me and I'm flying over top of them just laughing and smiling -- knowing that I did it and the cable held me.... that cable is God. Then I imagine the next thing is to go and tell everyone else that they just simply HAVE to experience it.

Oh, the good news is.... this ride doesnt cost $25 a person :)