Well.... I spent a nice night in the hospital tonight.....

I'm a wreck again.... not in the same way that I was before but I have some problems..... and Tiff is taking the blunt of it. I love her so much.... more than anyone can even imagine but I just treat her so bad.... I have problems.... I have serious medical problems and I can't get the treatment I need because my health insurance from Carpathia won't cover it. I'm affraid I'm going to lose Tiff.... I'm affraid my medical conditions are going to push her away .. and I'll be getting help soon.... it looks like I have to leave Carpathia... I have no option because of the medical benefits alone. So when I switch jobs I will be able to get the care I need and get this under control. This night wouldnt have happened like this if my medical coverage would have just covered the preventive stuff that I needed.... but I couldnt afford it so I had to pass on it... and it just all blows up......

I need prayer... I need lots of prayer... and I need friends and support.... and I need my baby.... I need tiff in my life... I need her there..... She's what I live for right now.... even tho sometimes it doesnt seem like it..... I just need her... she is the most beautiful thing in the world..... she is so sweet and she deserves better than me... she really does.... she doesnt deserve someone with so many problems.... She really should leave me... I dont want her to... I really do need her.... but for her, she should leave.....

Im taking the medicines the doctor told me to take and they are gonna knock me out pretty badly so if you try to call, I probably won't hear the phone.....