Sunday, June 05, 2005

It was freaking over 90° today! At one point I saw accu-weather's RealFeel index at 105° .... crazy

Anyway, church was as awesome as always. I really believe that I found a great church.... not just one that I leave service walking away with something but one that makes me want to go..... it's a place that I actually enjoy going to enough that it will get me out of bed even when I had no sleep....

Something big hit me today.... and actually it kinda topped off me watching Prozac Nation last night. I have struggles.... I have some struggles that almost every other guy faces (porn, etc) and I have struggles that aren't so common (ADHD, BiPolar, or whatever else the heck is wrong with my brain).... but Paul said it best... "In my weakness I am strong" ... I guess this kinda collaberates with the first chapter of my favorite book of the Bible, James, when it is said "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials and tribulations". I dont think it's any kind of a secret that I deal with alot day in and day out. Most people who know me know that as a fact. There are plenty of people out there that suffer more than me but based on the average, I probably suffer and deal with alot more.

So what's the deal? Well.... I learned that I really need to start focusing on the joy.... I need to realize that because I am weak and because God is saying no to some of my prayers, and so on that I really am strong. Brett put it best in church today by some of the analogies he gave.... and it really does make sense.... Persistance is what matters..... I am strong because of my weaknesses.... sometimes I am forced to put things in God's Hands when I just dont feel like it... and that, of course, makes me stronger...... There are also times that I learn from the pains I go through and I think this may be the primary reasons for my struggles... I look back at one aspect of my life, relationships, and I look at some of the people that I have been able to help.... and I realize that had I not gone through the hell that I have been through time after time, I would not have been able to help as many people that I have..... It is those things that have shaped me.... those things made Bob K Mertz who he is today.... Granted, there still is alot of negative stuff too, but im working on that... and I thank God that I have a woman beside me who isnt letting go of me... whether I'm scared she's going to leave or not. I know some things I need to work on.... and I'm going to. I also looked for that book I mentioned a few posts ago but couldnt find it locally so I ordered it from Amazon and it should be here sometime this week.

Thats enough of my rambling for now... Tiff just called and I have to call her back.... Have a great week, everyone!

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