Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Great night of skiing! That was about all. It actually gave me a lot of time to think which was really good.... I'm glad I went. There were some rough points. About my third lift ride a couple was in the chair in front of me and they put their arms around each other and cuddled up the whole ride.... it really made me think of when I took Tiff skiing... how much I enjoyed teaching her and doing something with her that she really enjoyed.... yes, I almost cried.... but the feeling passed. Dont get me wrong, I am ok.... this just really hurts.... it hurts like hell. And no one, including Tiff, knows how much it does hurt. But more than that, I'm angry. Dont really know who Im angry at but I am. I guess some of it is towards Tiff.... there are times I just want to get online and send her an email that just says "your an asshole" .... and then other times I realize that thats not me.... but then again I'm changing again. The whole way back from skiing I was listening to the X.... I dont listen to that music.... but I did tonight.... Tiff started shaping me into the person I wanted to be.... she gave me a reason to become a better person but now I have no motivation. I'm REALLY upset tho that she lied to me. When this whole thing started again I told her I was a little worried about getting hurt again and she PROMISED me that she wouldnt do it again. She told me she did it too many times already.... and that she wasnt going to do it again. Big fat lie... here I am heartbroken and it's her fault. Yes, I am gonna make it. I'm doing fine.... but, it hurts like hell.... and its going to for a while.