Saturday, July 15, 2006

I'm so emotionally drained.... Yea, what else is new? I just don't know what to do or where I can even turn. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost everything about me. I could sit here and just blame people but ultimately, I'm the screw up. Even if my failure is just that I ant deal with people not liking me. I can't find anything good about me. Everything that meant anything to me is gone. Everyone that meant something to me is also gone. Some people say I've done well... Maybe so. But I've lost the joy of living. I'm not depressed but I'm not happy.

I don't know where I am. I used to blog here to make me feel better but now I blog here part out of habit and part out of the hope that someone in the future will read it and feel like they aren't alone. A year ago I would blog and could count on people reading it and leaving a comment or sending an email. There was so much encouragement in those but I don't see them anymore. Seems like my blog was a good sitcom. People came to it... Well, they must have saw something. But just like those shows, I guess my blog has ran its final season. I mean, ill still be blogging because its what I do but I guess its just become a diary now. I never kept a diary/journal because I didn't see the point in writing to no one. When I found blogging, it offered a lot more. It was living and breathing... Hell, I was living and breathing. But now its all stale. Nothing new... Ever. Same old stuff I guess.

I hate this emotional numbness but its all I have. In some ways I wish I was depressed. Its better than not really knowing how you feel.

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